Besides hitting them with a stick, how can you deal with a youth group problem child?

Question

Other than dressing up like a nun and chasing them with a stick, what are some ideas to deal with a problem child in a youth group at church? She's threatened suicide and has cut herself and showed some of the people in our youth group, acting like she was proud. She wants a lot of attention, but she is also very rude to people when they give her some.

Answer 1

stick...sounds like she just wants some attention.

Answer 2

"A problem child" Yes, she has a problem, and by the sound of it many. And probably very serious. I would not call her a problem child. However a child with some problems. And as an adult, you being aware that she has attempted suicide, you should contact the authorities. It is your obligation. Seeking attention is a cry for help. The anger she is expressing is part of the issues she is suffering in silence from. She needs a competent and trusted adult to converse with and explain what is going on. There is something pretty bad going on here. And I am afraid if someone does not intervene quickly she may succeed in her adventure. So contact the proper authorities, the police, the suicide hot-line most cities have a mental health crisis line listed in the yellow pages. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 3

she feels depressed and neglected, give her the love she is looking for in some other way. take her aside and gently, GENTLY explain to her that during youth group is a time the other teens come to learn about the bible. also treat her EXACTLY like you treat the other teens so she knows she isn't some oddball, she's part of the group. some people say that punishing a child is the right thing to do when they are social outcasts, that is not correct. it doesn't work. talk to the rest of the youth group about unity in the church so that she has some friends to hang with. also, don't spend so much time focusing on her, pay EQUAL attention to all the other teen's behavior and you will see that she is probably being bullied and left out. take the bullies and the excluders aside, on your OWN time, and tell them what you see them doing, and that their parents will be contacted if it does not stop.

Answer 4

Ut uh; something is terribly wrong. I would wonder why shes so angry and bitter. Whats going on in her home? Is there an abuse that the group is unaware of? Is someone in the church, perhaps, doing something in the way of abuse - just a thought, because maybe the only way she can get out of going to the group is to get thrown out? She's crying out for help desperately. You need to find out why. One thing seems obvious: she has such low self esteem that she needs to see if she is horribly rude if she will still be wanted. Something is up, thats for sure. Maybe you should have a group meeting without her present, to see what others who are around her have as far as input.
Whatever you do, keep her close; you (the group) is probably the only life-line she has.
I would take this very seriously; a kid doesn't threaten suicide and cut themselves for no reason. It sounds like a classic case of abuse, if you ask me.

Answer 5

This sounds like a child who is desperately in need of the support that a youth group can provide to her! Please make certain that she is involved in the activities and that children aren't treating her as an outcast because of her problems. As an earlier answer mentioned, this is a perfect time to emphasize unity with the other children in the group. She definitely needs some support from the church and from others her own age. Additionally, make your pastor aware of the situation. If there is any possibility of abuse in the home, it is not only a responsibility, it is the law, as someone who oversees children, to report this to the proper authorities for investigation. Please, take this child to heart and hopefully it's not too late to make some major changes in her life.

Answer 6

This girl needs to be plucked out of that youth group and thrown into a psychologist's office ASAP. Cutting herself and threatening suicide is NOT normal and not something an untrained professional should go about trying to fix.

Answer 7

First off, you need to have a one on one with the girl involved. I would recommend involving the minister of your church, if it's not you.

Next, you must tell her parents. Threats of suicide and cutting issues are something you, as youth leader, are not qualified to deal with as much as you want to help. Parents are a must.

If you need to, find out if this girl has a guidance counselor in school. Make them aware of this.

She desperately wants attention. Make sure she knows how much you care and want to help even if it means you have to involve her parents in some decision making. Let her know she is welcome in the group. Pray for her in her presence, just you and her not the entire youth group.

When she attends youth, involve her in some leading activities if you can. Give her some hands on things to do. See if you can get some of the other youth to involve themselves with her. I know, it's hard to do. Nobody wants to be singled out.

In your one on one, let her know you want her there, but let her know there will be consequences for her acting out.

Obviously, this is going to take a lot of time and patience and more than one meeting before you see any results, if you see any. Mental illness is not an easy issue. Some of her acting out sounds like she is crying for help. Do whatever is necessary.

You may want to even consider having a health professional or some type of mental illness counselor in to speak to the group as a whole about suicide, cutting and other issues.

I'll be praying for you and her. Best wishes.

I threw a lot of things on the table for you. But you know more of the situation than I do. Choose what's best for you and her and don't write her off as a lost cause. Keep plugging away.

God bless.

Answer 8

See if she will get her hands dirty in a real way. Create activities that involve volunteering at homeless shelters, peer mentoring with troubled teens, other Spreading the Word type of labor. Find another teen with problems and ask her to help that kid out. Maybe if she had the oppurtunity to do something positive with her negative experiences, she could blossom to be more than a pain in the butt. Sitting around in the Ivory Tower and singing hozanahs isn't for everyone.

Answer 9

well since you don't want to be the one with the stick, hire a real nun! or, on a more serious note, you could recommend to her parents that they get her some counseling.

Answer 10

It would seem to me that your obligation is to the youth group, not to any one individual child. Beat her to death with the stick, or just remove her from the group.