Two days ago my son and his fiance and two daughters moved a couple of blocks from my house. My son came over last night and told me to stop by to see the place and left. I don't feel this to be a welcome invitation. His fiance spent the weekend in my house two weeks ago and disrespected me in my own home. I am still very upset with her after the hospitality I gave her and their two daughters ages one and six yrs old. How dare she. Should I wait to be formally invited? Or should I talk to her about our disagreement? or should I just leave it alone and mind my own business? I don't feel comfortable visiting them after the way she treated me at my house. Please what do you think is the right thing to do? I am a very flexible person and I dont harbour resentments. I just feel that I shouldn't have to kiss up to her. Thank you.
2007-03-04 06:52:32 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I am very hurt because I have always been there for her and my beautiful granddaughters and now she is pregnant with their first son. I have always shown her love, kindness and respect. When she was at my house for the weekend everytime my granddaughter would be at the computer with me talking and laughing she was constantly calling her to sit where she was ignoring me when I would say we are having fun she is not bothering me. That's when she yelled and said. " I don't care she has to do what I say." My husband and daughter did not like it. And my son said that it's because she is very diffensive. Should I write her a letter or confront her face to face. Her mother is never their for her to help out with the children, It has always been me.
2007-03-04 09:03:31 · update #1
I would leave it alone.
Unfortunately, this is one battle you will not win. It will only cause hard feelings down the road and everyone knows that no one wins when in-laws don't get along.
Bite your tongue and just stay away from her as much as you can.
If your son has a child with her, you don't want her to use your precious grandchild against you. If she thinks you don't like her or you're "nosey" or mean from the start, she will never like you and you'll always have tension.
Take the higher road.
Best wishes!
2007-03-04 07:30:39 · answer #1 · answered by Josi 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't kiss up to her. Take to her as an equal, explain your frustrations and make sure she understands that any disagreements between you and her should never affect the relationship with your son, or your grandchildren. Maybe you will grow on her, she can't be all that bad if your son had a couple kids with her. And, they did move a couple blocks away. Why would your son choose to do that if he didn't want to be near his mom? I'm guessing you'll be watching the kids a lot, but things would be so much better if you could have a friendly, open relationship, be able to go over there for dinner or whatever and it be no biggy. Families shouldn't hate each other.
2007-03-04 16:39:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would invite them to have a sit down at your kitchen table or a coffee shop. Talk with both your son and his fiance and let them know your upset. Let them know how you feel. Give them a refresher on their manners and let them know the type of person that you are. Your son should already know, but she probably doesn't. If all goes well, go and see their new place. If things don't go well or they don't want to talk, just move forward. Don't worry about them. Make sure that you keep the conflict between you adults. I'm sure that the children would be upset and conflicted if the knew (mostly the 6 year old, but the 1 year old would be able to sense the tention). Don't kiss up to anyone!
2007-03-04 15:08:33 · answer #3 · answered by Aesea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go!
I read your description of the disrespect and I will tell you from a DIL's point of view...my kids do what I say, even if meme and papaw say it's okay. So yes, her method (yelling) was wrong, but her intentions were right. If you want to spoil the kids when she isn't around, that's your perogative, but when momma's in the house the kids have to do what she says. Understand? You were a mom once, let her be mom now.
Besides, they live a couple blocks away, why NOT go. Going does not mean you condone the DIL's behavior, it means you love your family and want to be a part of it. I look to my MIL as the matriarch and she has had to earn that respect by respecting me.
2007-03-05 13:18:33 · answer #4 · answered by Sara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all remember your are your son's past and she is going to be his future. If the insults were really bad then tell your son maybe he will not want that future but be prepared to have a fairly major rift between the tow of you for a while.
On the other hand you should not have to kiss up to her and if your son does not back you then the next time she does it in your home put her firmly in her place.
IT IS YOUR HOME NOT THEIRS.
Do not go to their place until this is settled or she will se you as a doormat!
2007-03-04 15:06:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't mention what she did to upset you...you could be over-reacting. I can't help notice you refer to the children as "their" daughters twice and not as your
grandchildren. Most grandmas would overlook a lot of rudeness just to be near their grandchildren. I would like to know more details.
2007-03-04 16:06:56 · answer #6 · answered by Raven 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely make it known to her that you are upset. Otherwise there will be a communication barrier there for a long time. Make it known to her that you will NOT tolerate her disrespecting you and be firm about it. Otherwise she will continue and it will get worse.
2007-03-04 14:58:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell her what you feel.
2007-03-04 20:13:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋