After being in abusive (mentally and physically) relationships how do i ever trust enough to find love again?

Answer 1

The answer to this question is that yes, you will. The thing is that it's going to take time, the healing has to start and you need to accept the fact that not everybody is like your abuser. This is a hard lesson to learn. I was in an abusive marriage for 14 years, before I got the courage to leave him. I ended up loosing my children and my home along with him because he had money to pay a lawyer and I didn't. I used to blame myself for everything, then I realized that I wasn't at fault for being beaten within an inch of my life and there was no logical reason for him to call me those awful names. I went through counceling and took medication for depression. I did all that I could do to make me better about my feelings of self-doubt and low self-esteem.

I talk to my 3 boys now and I can even talk to their Dad without cringing or even with fear, I can just talk without fear. It has been 10 years since I divorced him and lost my children, I am a happy person because I realized that I could not have done anything any differently than I did. If I had then I may not be here.

There are places that can help you feel better about yourself and you have a right to know that life will not always be what it was. There are bigger and better things out there for you and you can do it.. The answer is time. Don't rush things. Be aware of the situation, although this will come naturally because of what you have been through.

No two situations are the same, but the signs are the same, the results are the same. You have to want to change the way that you look at people, there will be caution with good reason, and you have to keep telling yourself that the person you should choose to be with is not the person that abused you. Keep in mind that you can't judge one person by what another has done.

You may need some help with issues that you don't understand, someone to talk to, a friend, a counsler, just someone that you feel safe with because you will see that talking about it helps.

You will trust and love again, this time it will be for real, not out of fear.

Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 2

There is a reason you attracted the type of men you have attracted. So the first thing to do is to 'break the cycle'. By now, you must know the warning signs of an abuser. Watch for them and don't gloss them over if and when you see them. Take your relationships slowly and be watchful without being on the defensive. In other words, don't jump to the conclusion that someone may have abusive tendencies. Respect yourself more. By doing that you will not allow any disrespect towards you if you respect yourself. Set boundaries because as quiet as it's kept, people do to us what we ALLOW. Set the boundaries quickly,don't let things go to far. But it starts from 'within'. The people who have abused you saw signs in you that they could do so.You are not the only one they have abused but they saw similar signs in you that they saw in others they treated that way. I'm not blaming you, it's not your fault. These guys have self esteem issues and are self-hating. The only way they can build themselves up is to control others. Just respect yourself and see that you will attract a better quality man.

Answer 3

FIRST give yourself time to heal if you haven't already. it's not fair to the next man that you be too shell shocked about the previous issues. and not fair to yourself. heal and get an even head and heart on again. then date again. make sure you look at or remember what you had before even where you found him. if your looking for a husband you don't go to a strip club to meet men. you get what im saying? and keep honest with him and yourself. if you see him mimicking something that the past guy was doing bring it to him but in the right way.
be honest honest honest. and don't over do it though when u feel issues but don't push your gut feelings aside. ok? make sure the guy Loves you if your lucking for love.

good luck

Answer 4

Believe that you are a good person , worthy of love [ not abuse] . Seek counseling [ spiritual and or mental ] there's no shame
You are a good person and deserve the best !

Answer 5

one day at a time,learn the characteristics of abusers and when you see them start looking somewhere else, warning and red flags start out with friends again and re-discover your self

Answer 6

not everyone is the same but you cant hink they are all going to do the same thing to you. when the right person comes along you know it and you wont have to wonder how to trust or love him

Answer 7

it takes a while, but you eventually do love again... you just have to let your heart heal and you will slowly start to love and trust someone again... it takes time.

Answer 8

You just need to get there and start dating.
Good luck

Answer 9

you'll learn over time, it gets easier and easier with each day

Answer 10

Baby, just wait and God will lead the way. Try to study the Bible with Jehovah's Witnesses. You will really find a good man, a real man that will treat you right.

Why Do So Many Live in Fear? A CLIMATE of fear envelops mankind. It is an invisible but discernible mood, an atmosphere that affects nearly everyone, even though it often goes unnoticed. What has produced this atmosphere? What makes some people feel frightened when they leave the house? Why do many feel unsafe at work? Why do many fear for the safety of their children? What dangers make people fearful in their own home?

Of course, there are numerous causes of fear, but we will consider four dangers that can affect people constantly—urban violence, sexual harassment, rape, and domestic violence. First, let us examine violence in cities. The subject is especially timely now because almost half of mankind live in urban areas.

Dangers in Cities

The first cities were probably built for protection, but many people now see cities as danger zones. What was once seen as sheltering has become frightening. Crowded city centers provide ideal conditions for muggers, and in some cities, poor neighborhoods with few streetlights and few policemen are dangerous to enter.

The fears are not always exaggerated; a frightening number of people die violently. According to a World Health Organization report, worldwide 1.6 million people die as a result of violence each year. In Africa, out of every 100,000 people, each year an estimated 60.9 die a violent death.

Many people, places, and organizations that were considered safe are now seen as a threat to safety. For example, many playgrounds, schools, and shops are now considered frightening high-crime areas. In some cases religious leaders, social workers, and teachers—people who should provide protection—have betrayed the confidence placed in them. Reports that some commit child abuse make parents hesitant to leave children in the care of others. Police are supposed to protect people, but in some cities police corruption and abuse of power are commonplace. As for “security” forces, in some countries memories linger of civil wars in which loved ones disappeared after being taken by the military. In various parts of the world, therefore, instead of easing the climate of fear, police and soldiers have added to it.

The book Citizens of Fear—Urban Violence in Latin America says: “Citizens of Latin American capitals live in constant fear, amidst some of the most dangerous conditions on earth. In that vast region, about 140 thousand people die violently each year, and one out of three citizens has been directly or indirectly victimized by violence.” In other parts of the earth too, political protests occur frequently in capital cities. When such protests become violent, many individuals take advantage of the disorder to loot stores, with general chaos ensuing. People doing business in the city can easily find themselves trapped by angry crowds.

In many countries a vast gulf has developed between the living standards of the rich and the poor, resulting in simmering resentment. Hordes of people who feel deprived of basic needs have ransacked the exclusive neighborhoods of the elite. That hasn’t happened yet in some cities, but the situation seems like a ticking time bomb that is bound to explode—no one knows when.

The threat of thieves and revolutionaries would seem enough, but there are other causes of anxiety adding to the climate of fear.

The Horror of Sexual Harassment

For millions of women, whistles, obscene gestures, and lecherous stares are a daily nightmare. Says Asia Week: “Surveys reveal that one Japanese woman in four has been sexually assaulted in public, with 90% of the incidents taking place in trains. . . . Only 2% of victims take any action when mauled. Most cited fear of their molesters’ response as the main reason for their silence.”

Sexual harassment has increased dramatically in India, where the practice is called eve-teasing. “Whenever a woman steps out of her house she becomes scared,” explains a journalist there. “At every step she faces taunting humiliation and receives indecent remarks.” From an Indian city where residents are proud of their relatively safe streets comes the report: “[This city’s] problem is not on the streets but in its offices. . . . 35 per cent of women surveyed claimed they had experienced sexual harassment at their workplace. . . . 52 per cent of women said due to fear of sexual harassment at the workplace they prefer to take up lowly paying jobs . . . where they have to deal [only] with women.”

Fear of Rape

Women have more to fear than just the loss of their dignity. Sexual harassment sometimes implies a threat of rape. Understandably, rape is a crime that many women fear even more than murder. A woman may suddenly find herself alone in a place where she fears she may be raped. She may see a man she doesn’t know or doesn’t trust. Her heart races as she frantically tries to assess the situation. ‘What will he do? Where can I run? Should I scream?’ Frequent experiences like that exact a cumulative toll on women’s health. Many people choose not to live in an urban area or prefer not to visit cities because of such fears.

“The fear, the anxiety, the distress are all a daily part of urban life for many women,” says the book The Female Fear. “Women’s fear of rape is a sense that one must always be on guard, vigilant and alert, a feeling that causes a woman to tighten with anxiety if someone is walking too closely behind her, especially at night. It is . . . a feeling women are never totally free of.”

Violent crime affects many women. However, fear of violence affects almost all women. The State of World Population 2000, a United Nations publication, says: “Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex, or abused in some other way—most often by someone she knows.” Has the climate of fear penetrated even further? How common is it for people to live in fear in their own home?

Fear of Violence at Home

The private practice of beating wives into submission is a gross injustice carried out worldwide—and only recently recognized as a crime in many places. In India one report claimed that “at least 45 per cent of Indian women are slapped, kicked or beaten by their husbands.” Spousal abuse is a serious global health hazard. Concerning women between the ages of 15 and 44 in the United States, the Federal Bureau of Investigation reports that more are injured by domestic violence than by car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. Domestic violence is therefore much more serious than an occasional argument that develops into an exchange of slaps. Many women live in fear of injury and death at home. A national survey in Canada showed that a third of women who had suffered domestic violence had at some time feared for their lives. In the United States, two researchers concluded: “Home is the most dangerous place for women and frequently the site of cruelty and torture.”

Why are so many women locked into such dangerous relationships? Many people wonder: ‘Why don’t they seek help? Why don’t they leave?’ The answer, in most cases, is fear. Fear has been called the distinguishing feature of domestic violence. Abusive men typically control their wives with violence and then silence them with death threats. Even if the battered wife does find the courage to seek help, she may not always receive it. There is a tendency, even among people who abhor other forms of violence, to trivialize, ignore, or justify violence perpetrated by husbands. Also, outside his home the abusive husband may appear to be charming. Often friends cannot believe that he beats his wife. Disbelieved, and with nowhere to run, many abused wives feel that they have no alternative but to live in constant fear.

Battered women who do leave sometimes become victims of another type of harassment called stalking. In North America a recent study of over a thousand women in the state of Louisiana showed that 15 percent of them reported that they had been stalked. Imagine their fear. Someone who has threatened you continues to turn up wherever you go. He phones you, follows you, watches you, and waits for you. He may even kill your pet. It is a campaign of terror!

You may not be a victim of that sort of fear. But to what extent does fear affect what you do each day?