My husband's ex-wife's daughter brought her friends over to our house for sleep over,my opinion was not consulted beforehand whether I like it or not, but they came anyways - fine. Before the daughter and friends came over,husband and I had a slight arguement and I stayed in my bedroom. Then when I finally cooled off after a couple of hours, I went to him and kissed him (thinking he was alone) gdnite-it's bedtime, I found him sitting there, relaxing and watching tv with her daughter and her friends -all 15 yrs old.My arguement was-it's not appropriate for him to hang around his underaged teen daughter's friends like that while I'm obviously feeling lousy in the other room. He said no, "I am watching a movie, nothing wrong with that". I am not against him spending time with his daughter, in fact I will join him too-but not when we had an arguement and we're in separate rooms. Who is right and what is appropriate???? Please help!!
2007-03-04 05:00:58 · 32 answers · asked by CuriousityKILLS 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The "daughter" in this scene belongs to his ex-wife, hubby is not her biological father. Well, yes, hubby had been in her life since young.
2007-03-04 06:18:28 · update #1
The fact that you refer to this child as "My husband's ex-wife's daughter" tells us a lot about your resentment. Is she not also your husband's daughter?
You need to get a grip on his role and responsibility as a father. The reality: this guy has a child. He's a father. Second wives have trouble with this sometimes (I did). Just one of the reasons that a high % of second marriages end up in the divorce courtAlthough many people who divorce have successful subsequent marriages, the divorce rate of remarriages is in fact higher than that of first marriages (see source below).
Your husband will certainly want to spend time with his daughter and her friends. And I think you are correct to expect that you are consulted and informed of sleep-over plans. So there may be a failure in communication between the two of you. And, I think you may be having some feelings of jealousy. Better to deal with all of this sooner rather than later or resentments will keep building until they damage your relationship. A possible move for you to consider: get some counseling and talk out your feelings with a disinterested 3rd party such as a counselor or therapist.
2007-03-04 05:25:04 · answer #1 · answered by Kraftee 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1
2016-05-07 20:08:29 · answer #2 · answered by Scott 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your lack of acceptance for the gentle way your husband handled HIS OWN DAUGHTER's misbehavior is NOT REASONABLE. IT'S HIS DAUGHTER! It will be hard to go the extra mile to avoid being the evil stepparent! During the girl's younger years, until she trusts you, you must NEVER discipline her -- ONLY her bio father can do that, and he MUST DO IT. Whether he is strict or gentle is entirely his call (though you can advise him when she's not around). After a few years of her seeing that you bear no animosity AND you are not trying to control her, she may trust you enough to treat you like a friend. She starts off with IMMENSE distrust because you seem to have replaced her real mother in the home and your husband's wife (That part is true). How can a young girl forgive that? It's harder than you know. I'm not saying ignore the girl, but try to be ALWAYS positive -- praise and compliments (that sound genuine) are good. And no exaggerations!
2016-03-28 23:21:09 · answer #3 · answered by Beth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So she IS HIS daughter?
You say "his ex-wife's daughter" as though he were the child's step-father, but then say "his daughter" at the end.
This makes only a slight difference. Children should ALWAYS come first. Too many kids nowadays have practically no relationship with their parents, so if a 15 year old girl has a supportive father, or even a supportive ex-step-father, it is all the better for her. The only difference is that if he is the ex-step-father, then you should have been asked prior to giving permission for the sleep-over. Respect and courtesy should have led him tell you about it beforehand, so that you didn't make other plans.
Still, a parent's time with our children is already too short and too limited, and it is even worse when the child lives with the other parent. So he is absolutely appropriate and to be applauded for being active in the life of his daughter and her friends (there are way too few strong male role models these days). Your reaction is selfish and immature. You admit that the argument was "slight" yet you chose to 'pout' in the bedroom, instead of acting mature and choosing to be a good role model yourself.
2007-03-04 05:04:21 · answer #4 · answered by HearKat 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You both are wrong. He should have consulted you before your home was so violated with ranging hormone teenage girls, in tiny pajama bottoms. But then you know this not the first time he has left you out of something before, you should be used to it by now, left and gone shopping. Even if it was for bleach. That's why I blame you. But guess what he knows he should have not been in that room with the girls like that, even if he had no ill thought, he should always cover himself around young ladies. I say both of you get it together before it's to late. But be gentle walking over these broken egg shells. Good Luck, only you know him, sit back an be observant
2007-03-04 05:20:23 · answer #5 · answered by sodgirl6763 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to chill out. You tell us that the father is his ex-wife's daughter, what does that mean? If she is his daughter by his ex-wife then you need to keep your feeling to yourself and grow up. If she is not his daughter then you may have a point there. If the daughter is his daughter then you better grow up and learn to allow him to see his daughter any way he pleases. You don't have any reason to be jealous as it sound like you are. You knew he was married before, before you got married and once you agree to that, you agree to have his family also. So lower your weapons and let him be with his daughter and change your attitude and join them in the living room. Be at peace that you are sharing his life with him and you are getting to know your step daughter also. Jealousy only creates cracks in the marriage it never mends it or keeps it together. You need to change your thinking and start to accept his daughter. Besides if you are so jealous why would you even think of leaving them alone. If you thoughts are not honorable you better get out before it is to late.
2007-03-04 05:33:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it is a very confused situation when it is related with kids from previous marriage,because you always fell a little left out and a little jealous too,but it is very normal for a father try to spend some time with his daughter since she doesn't live there.
you will never have a winning situation with this the best you do is go with the float and be OK with.he was wrong not telling you before,but when dads are in this situation usually they don't say no to don't hurt their kids feelings,because they fell guilt sometimes for not expend enough time with them.You were the one that choose go to your room anyways.next time just put up with the situation ,I know it is frustrating but is the only way to don't start a fight.
2007-03-04 05:16:24 · answer #7 · answered by realistic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It wasn't until I read that it was HIS daughter that I realized he wasn't wrong...
He should have consulted with you, but have you denied similar requests before? If so, I don't believe he needs permission to have his daughter and her friends over. And why would he be in another room arguing with you, when he could be watching a movie with a daughter that he doesn't see everyday? And, why would you even want him to? You're in an 'extended family' situation now, you should have relaxed and enjoyed a movie with them.
2007-03-04 05:07:38 · answer #8 · answered by Jeff W 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are not clear on the relationships.
Is it HIS daughter and her friends?
And if so, why would you call her your "husband's ex-wife's daughter" ??
That is a big red flag right there.
And if he's your *husband*, why isn't she also your stepdaughter?
Did you know about her prior to marrying him?
Lots of things about your post and "question" just don't add up.
I think the problem is with you.
2007-03-04 05:09:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you are too caught up in your own emotions to see clearly in this situation. Normally, I can see both sides but not here... Really, you sound like you wanted his focus to be all on you but his daughter was over... There was nothing wrong with him being in a room filled with his daughters friends and watching a movie with out your presence, unless you think he is a pedophile. Really. Kids come first. I don't know what else to tell you except that you were in the wrong, totally.
2007-03-04 05:08:10 · answer #10 · answered by Jennifer M 4 · 4⤊ 2⤋