I was sexually abused in the past, so that played a huge factor in my life and my own insecurities about having acne, or other issues played a role too. I just think that I am letting my life being affected by it too much and will never date or have a normal relationship. And, lately I have been thinking about being single too much and it has made me not only cynical, but also very picky and judgmental. If somebody is interested in me, I have this fear that they will hurt me, emotionally, more than physically and I have this fear of rejection because of my acne. I don’t know how to get past this belief that guys cannot be trusted and that not everyone is superficial. Now, I fear the guy interested in me would never date me, because I have never had a relationship or dated. I am just confused. I just need some advice on how to let go. Therapy is one option, but other than that, are there any possibilities? Please just serious advices only!!
2007-03-04 04:18:37 · 10 answers · asked by nn_mill 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Let me say you are normal, and you just need an understanding partner.
The mother of my children was abused and raped, and we had a great sex life. We are now divorced for cultural differences, not her closet.
2007-03-04 04:23:31 · answer #1 · answered by Your Uncle Dodge! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being sexually abused is sad and it does play a key role in causing one to have the feelings u have about things.( I hate anyone who sexually abuse someone, I think they should die in a slow painful state that way they can think about what they put the victim through)
U say your 22 at 22 u should be planning if not staring your future not hurting and suffering over the sick things u had to endore from the sick person( whomever did this to u should be suffering) because it's not fair.
But what u should do is maybe go talk with someone who can help u deal with this that way u can move on u have ur whole life ahead of u ( if should 't be blocked by that sicko, don 't give him that kind of power over ur future) take that power and move on
God Bless Sweetie,
I'm sorry ur feeling this way, but happy ur trying to deal with it
2007-03-04 04:34:37 · answer #2 · answered by itspink22@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that therapy would be the best option with your past. Everyone is insecure about their life. Usually the ones that seem outgoing and popular are the most insecure but they hide it very well. As far as dating, keep things casual. Dont get too serious too quickly. Build a trust with whoever you date and when YOU are comfortable, tell this person about your past. The worst thing you can do is to blame yourself for the past abuse. I hope the monster that did that to you is locked up or gone from your life. Good luck to you.
2007-03-04 04:27:38 · answer #3 · answered by mcfly_lives 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im really sorry to hear that. :(
you have to give guys a chance, some guys are really nice, get to know a guy really well before you start a relationship or you might end up getting hurt emotionally. guys are people too just like us girls, not all of them are bad. you dont want to be with a guy if he's only interested in looks. if a guy likes you for who you are thats gotta mean something good :) maybe you could hang out with guys with some of your girl friends, so if your worried about something bad happening your friends will be there for you. i dont know what to say, only that you should at least try. you never know! good luck with everything :) if you ever want to chat you can email me and ill help you the best i can :) im 21 and scared of alot of guys too. :)
2007-03-04 04:31:40 · answer #4 · answered by demonized 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im going through something similiar only I was no sexually abused. I think therapy would be good for you if you can afford it. And as for trusting men, take it slow. If a guy really likes you, he'll respect the fact that you want to go slow.
2007-03-04 04:22:51 · answer #5 · answered by katie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your head up!
Acne can be cured. Relax. Go out and have fun by yourself. Laughter can be fun and contagious, you will meet someone. Make friends with this guy who's interested. Hang out with him and get to know him better. See what he's all about. Maybe take a chance?
2007-03-04 04:26:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you do have a little problem.. first is the worry about your acne.. a doctor can work on that issue, but you have to work on the trust issue.your fear of rejection is your worst enemy.. so you need to be able to face acceptance or rejection, it is a fact of everyday life.
2007-03-04 04:25:05 · answer #7 · answered by wongfiehung2003 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sweetie...I am so so sorry to hear about what has happened in your life. I do understand abuse and I know what it is like to completely shut down sexually and emotionally to men. I did it for 8 years when I turned 18...due to a date rape and childhood abuse.
Well that is about me. I just want you to know that I understand. Hopefully I can share a few things to help.
It does sound so dull to hear the work 'counseling' bantered about....but, in a case such as yours...I really do feel it is imperative. You don't have to go forever...just consider going short-term to get you on track.
The other thing I would suggest is speaking to your doctor. I do feel a level of anxiety and depression (a chemical imbalance) is present...due to anxieties about dating etc....so please do talk to your doctor or get a reference to a psychiatrist. They should consider putting you on anti-anxiety or anti-depressants. This will calm you down enough and hopefully balance your system to even 'consider' the dating world.
You have to start in baby steps. If the acne is still present (I wasn't clear it if was)...then seek active treatment for it. There are tons of products that can help you. Take it seriously and find help for it.
To get over that fear of being teased etc....if you have any money....there is very, very short term therapy called "EFT". It can cure your 'phobia' about dating in 1-2 sessions. Just look up EFT * Emotional Freedom Technique...and find someone in your area or they can do it on the phone. It is not very expensive and it is AMAZING!
Then...I would try and find an anxiety and depression group in your mental health community. Free groups that can greatly help transition. I believe you have something called 'social phobia'. This can be treated...but please definitely tell the truth to your doctor so they can lead you to the right people.
You are not alone!!! Tons and tons of people deal with the same issues you have.
You need to start making friends. Girlfriends. Then making guy friends. You have to be able to be comfortable in a friendly way with both.
The therapy will help you greatly with the insecurities and understanding what has happened.
Everyone........everyone!! is afraid of rejection honey!! Everyone has something like they are too fat or too skinny or have bad skin or not tall enough etc. Everyone is afraid of being hurt. But we keep our hearts on what we desire...and if we desire a good relationship...then we have to let those nasty voices fade into the background.
If you have any money....buy the DVD called "The Secret". It will change your life! It was on Oprah...so it's ok!!!
Try and go to a local church or new age group or book club or something you enjoy where there is NO pressure...just go for FUN.
Try and look at your life like you are starting over with a scratch of paper and writing down what you want it to look like. Cut out picture from magazines. Paste the and write things like...fun, love, romance...put it all on a big poster board or paper and look at your DREAM...this is your dream...the way you want your life to look like...even if it is far from it. Look at it every day and stay OPEN to the miracles that will come your way. The past is in the past. We must learn to let it go so that we can live happy and productive lives. It sounds corny...but by visualizing what we WANT and not concentrate on what you don't want...we open the pathway to attracting good things in our life. I have done this many times (with the poster board) and it is freaky how my dreams are coming true!!!
I KNOW love will come your way...the happier you are in your own life...the more you do things you enjoy...even if you are milder and just like to read...go and hang out at the big book store or Starbucks...and stay open to just being YOU and striking up a friendly conversation. The rest will take care of itself.
So much information.......I'm sorry to ramble. I do help some of it helps! Just remember...you have many talents, many gifts and I am sure a very good heart. The cynical is just a hurt little girl inside. You can wash her away when you focus on the goodness around you, be grateful for even the small things...and your heart will start to heal when you start taking care of yourself in these small ways.
Take good care of you and watch your eyes shine happier.
2007-03-04 04:46:44 · answer #8 · answered by kallie m 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think u really should go to therapy and believe in ur self...if u havent noticed more then half the people on this world have acne and no one should judge u on that...try to forget wat happened in the past and move on in life...u dnt wanna live like this....give dating a chance first and go out with someone and if u dnt feel comfortable then go to a therapist
2007-03-04 04:23:32 · answer #9 · answered by 123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take risks thats what life is all about
2007-03-04 04:24:38 · answer #10 · answered by Adrienne W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋