You see I'm 15 and my mom and dad suppossedly got divorced when I was 3 months old. I don't even know what he looks like. From what my mom tells me he lives with his OTHER wife and kids in New York but I live in Illinois now so I really don't know how to find him. I have a step-dad but we never get along and his a total A$$-hole to me and my grandma so I have no respect for him what so ever. So yea what are the disadvantages and advantages of growing up without my real dad.
2007-03-04 04:12:37 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My dad met another woman when I was 2. She told him he could only see me if I came to live with them. If I stayed with my mom he was never to see me as she didn't want him going back and forth between my mom and her. He suggested it to my mom who almost had a fit and that was that. I never saw him again. My mom told me about him when I was 15.
Curiosity overcame me and I started searching for him through the Internet. I finally found him and all his contact info. I never tried however to reach him. I figured that ok... so marriage is not a concrete deal. Some turn out good, some don't. Divorce is necessary if the marriage is not good. I do blame him for not being more of a man and standing up to his second wife and her rules, but I don't hate him.
I am however afraid that If I do contact him and he snubs me for whatever reason, I will have something to hate. Call me a coward, but it's how I feel. I grew up with a loving step-dad, so I didn't really miss not having a father figure.
You must do what you feel is in your heart. Good luck.
2007-03-04 04:58:32 · answer #1 · answered by Fellina 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was adopted when I was a baby. My birth father walked out when my mom was pregnant as a 16 year old in Korea. Growing up I hated the man who left my mom, even though I never met him and never will. But at some point I realized it was pointless to be angry or upset. It is in the past, all you can do is cherish the life you have, and take advantages of all your opportunities for the future. If I were you I would stay tight with your mother and grandma, they are still there for you. Live your life happy and free of the stress and anger the thought of your father might cause you, and focus that extra love elsewhere, like towards your mother.
2007-03-04 04:30:00 · answer #2 · answered by pemmican 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a dad and step dad. And can say that my step kids dad is a *** so I am the best choice for them to be their one and only dad. On your hand you need to see how open your dad my be to seeing you. A long time has past but I can tell you there have been times that he may not call or even send a birthday card but you where most likely on his mind. Try to contact him take it slow and see where he stands. You need a good male father in your life at times and you may find he wants to be the one for these times
2007-03-04 04:24:02 · answer #3 · answered by russellvero 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To tell you the truth i know how you feel. I have never met my grandpa. But i have one...my moms step dad. She grew up from day one as knowing him as dad. I have always known him as grandpa and about a year ago i found he wasent. And yes i was kind of sad but this is the thing you have to know....Your family is not who is blood, but your family is the one you love. My boyfriends dad walked out on them when i was not even born yet. His dad never gave the effort to meet nor see him so he does not care for him at all. So sometimes just because someones blood dosent mean that there family. And for the part where your step-dad dosent respect you. You need to confront your mom at a mature level and explain to her about how he is being.
2007-03-04 04:30:21 · answer #4 · answered by sweet and simple 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your situation seems so similar too what mine was. I am now 38 and just met my bio-father 2 years ago. My life was not a good one growing up the step families did not like me and my mother resented me because I looked like the bio-dad. When I first met him I was leary but then thought I need to give him and his wife a chance. I moved to be closer to him to get to know him but now I do not even like him because he is nothing but a liar and he was mean to my girls. It does not always work out when you find the bio-parent but I am glad I did instead of always wondering. It was the best thing to wait till I was older to meet so I may handle what ever kiind of situaton with more ease.
2007-03-04 06:05:03 · answer #5 · answered by Austins Granny 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, I have never delt with such a situation before in my life, so I have no idea what your going through, but it must be hard not knowing your real dad!
Disadvantages:
You have no idea who he is and how he treated your mother or anything. He is just a stranger to you.
Advantages
You did not have to suffer through the divorce
your mom could have been sheltering you from him because of unknown reasons.
That is all I can think of I known it is bad, but yeah! Good luck! More power to you!
2007-03-04 04:20:13 · answer #6 · answered by youlookingood 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your real dad could be a total ****** too. Probably is since he's never tried to get in contact with you. I was never close with my father, very with my mother, they're not togther.. Never seemed to affect me much.
2007-03-04 04:19:42 · answer #7 · answered by MJ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tons of disadvantages. The only advantage would be if your father was a creep and you couldn't benefit from knowing him.
2007-03-04 04:20:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋