I am losing respect for my wife and hate my stepkids.We've been married 6 year but she lets her kids walk all over her and still lets her ex dictate to her regarding her kids.when i say something i'm the bad one.I know they are there kids but he speaks to her bad.Ive warned him about treating her like this and the kids have been told too but it still happens.It's that bad i just want to stay at work as long as possible.they've never had respect for me but i hoped it would change.theres no doubt my wife and i love each other but is it enough
2007-03-04 03:19:36 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i've told my wife continuously they all take her for a ride.She ended up in counselling over this,nearly had a nervous breakdown and i was the one who was always there for her.She has even shown her kids her journal from counselling but to no avail
2007-03-04 03:30:35 · update #1
i'm definately not jealous of her relationship with her kids i want it to be better and as for her ex he used to beat her so whats there to be jealous about
2007-03-04 03:33:03 · update #2
I'm very sorry my dear man. You sound utterly frustrated and defeated by this situation. Which, is very sad, considering you and your wife love each other.
So you have an interfering ex-husband who has more control than you do. Step-children who are disrespectful and possibly abusive (bratty anyway). And a wife who allows everyone but you, to walk all over her. Sounds like she has boundary issues.
Hmmmmmmmm
It is up to the parents to parent the naughty children. You are supposed to be there to instill harmony and strength, rules, love, character, and command respect for all.
If your wife can not see what is happening...and is not willing to change or seek help or read a book or understand YOU...then I'm afraid you are fighting a losing battle.
There is one way you can put it to her. You can take her out one night and tell her like it is, without anger. That honey...I love you...I thought we could have a happy life together...I'm willing to work on this with you...however we can...but this is how I feel (say how you feel about everything..sad, frustrated etc)...this is what I see (how the kids are, the ex,how you'd rather be at work than home etc)...and this is what I would like to happen (counseling or read books on it or have a plan of action)....IF you are not willing to work on this....as much as I love you...then I have no option than to leave because I will not live my life with so much unhappiness and so little control. My input is valuable, I am valuable and I feel like a 3rd wheel here and that doesn't feel good at all. We need to agree on a plan...to be parents to the kids together and to get your ex-husband out of the limelight. I love you...but I can't go on anymore.
Something like that. And mean it!
I really wish you much luck honey. I hope when you put it this way...she will see the light..as you sound like a good man...and a good man...is a treasure. She is probably so wrapped up in it that she just can't see what is going on. You will probably have to really hit hard with the impact of what you are saying...because in all likelihood she will start in with a million reasons and excuses why it is the way it is. If you keep getting excuses...you really have no choice darlin...but to move on...because it means she is not willing to change.
Take care.
2007-03-04 03:37:19 · answer #1 · answered by kallie m 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The only way it can work is if your wife is respecting your views, you are married so your opinions should be taken into consideration. You must ask yourself are you jealous of your wife and her childrens relationship plus her relationship with her ex. You knew when you took her on that she had baggage with her and if you do really love each other it would be a shame to bring things to bursting point until you have explained how you feel to her. Kids do rule the roust a bit these days but they grow up fast. Unless you can learn to care for the kids and try to love them you will always find fault with them, and your wifes love for them is real so do not test her too much unless you want to bring things to a head. Good luck to you.
2007-03-04 03:29:57 · answer #2 · answered by Kirks Folley 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
be honest with her tell her your feeling very frustrated with this, and that your considering leaving but only because you can't stand seeing her get treated like this cos you love her so much, if that doesn't open her eyes then i'm sorry to say that she seems to like being a doormat and doesn't respect you because your not dong the same as ex, you are too good for her, can you really see yourself being in the same situation in 5 years time? it'll be worse by then and your worth more than that, find someone who you can treat with the love and respect that you clearly want to give and someone who will love and respect you back, you have to do it for yourself and your sanity
2007-03-04 03:43:43 · answer #3 · answered by RACHIE-D 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to feel this way about things.
Kids can drive a wedge between you whether they are step kids or your own.
Believe me I feel in exactly the same position as you and the kids are all our own.
Try to be honest, you could even show your wife your question if it would help get you talking to each to each other.
The kids will grow up one day and perhaps you'll even miss them.
Sorry I've no magic answer,but you are certainly not alone in how you feel.
2007-03-04 06:36:18 · answer #4 · answered by mistyblue 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey i got a good idea. First get a shotgun then kill the little bastards, shag your wife then make a run for it. Just joking. As they grow up they will probably behave more properly, but in the mean while start standing up to them and show them who you are or the easy option. Put them into a children's home, but that would probably make things a lot worser. Well Good Luck.
2007-03-04 06:27:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try telling your wife that you don't think they're treating her with enough respect. It sounds as though she doesn't feel she's worth better - let her know she is, so that she can learn to stand up to them. Really it's up to her to recognise the problem and work to change it: all you can do is back her up.
2007-03-04 03:26:58 · answer #6 · answered by i bear no gifts 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think there sounds like there is a really COMMUNICATION problem here, and a need for family counselling, for every ones sake. What is going on will KILL your love for one another, her children are of course important to her, and she probably would not want to chose between you and them, so she needs to wake up and smell the coffee, you are very unhappy, and its time to do something. Give it a go, it does help, trust me.
2007-03-04 03:30:22 · answer #7 · answered by SUPER-GLITCH 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you married to a woman called Gail? hahahaha.....saw the same storyline on corrie a year ago........
nah...seriously divorce her...you deserve better and dont waste your life coming second best.....
2007-03-04 03:29:42 · answer #8 · answered by Joanna - Harry Potter Fan 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She obviously has no respect for you, so if your wife doesn't respect you how do you expect her children to? Cut your losses and move on, find someone who respects you as well as loves you.
2007-03-04 03:23:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
counselling or divorce, let her choose
2007-03-04 03:21:24 · answer #10 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋