Our 16 yr old daughter is a compulsive liar.?

Question

She was never like this until she met this boy and since then she has gotten into trouble at school - 4 detentions in 7 weeks. Until this she was never in any trouble at all. We have forbidden her to see him and while she claims to have broken up with him she has lied to us repeatedly about this. We have tried turning off her cell phone, grounding her and she still manages to contact him. She will use her friends to help her sneak around and lie to us. When she gets caught in her lies she gets very angry at the person who catches her and strongly insists that they have broken up. They have not we have so much proof and she lies her way through all of it. She lies to her friends her co-workers, us and teachers. This is getting out of control and only getting worse. How do we break her of this compulsive lying and how do we get this boy out of her life if she is not willing to do it herself?

I appreciate all the responses. We tried allowing her see him on a limited controlled basis because we are aware that if we didn't it only pushes them together. But her grades have gone down, they skipped school and it is costing her other friendships because she is lying to them and using them to cover her lies. His parents are of no help at all we have tried talking to them; the Monday they skipped school they let him have a party at their house that weekend. She continues to lie and tell us she is not seeing him yet we continue to find proof that says other wise. When she is confronted with her lies she becomes extremely angry and violent. We are getting her help but are at a loss as to what to do here.

Answer 1

Been there, done that ... and yes, had to deal with problem 'relationships' with my teens (who seemed to think they could do this to this SINGLE PARENT (and older than average Single Parent) ... at that age.

Here is what I did:

1. TAKE AWAY the CELL PHONE ... period

2. NO MONEY in her pocket ... and I mean it.

3. Call the School ... send letters to the Teachers and Guidance about this situation. By doing so the Instructors are going to look for passing of notes, etc ... and this will help some.

4. NO going places with her ... ever. She must be with you/your spouse or another adult at all times ... all activities MUST be with ADULT Supervision.

5. Chores and more CHORES ...

6. NO TOLERANCE for lies ... and yes, you are going to be the recipient of a LOT of verbal abuse from this teen (and I was too), but each and every lie was accompanied by a grounding ... and the teen HAD to be home at a specific time. They also knew this because ... this SINGLE PARENT changed the locks on the outer doors, and yes, I HAD The ONLY keys to the home .. and kept them on me.

7. Get her on BIRTH CONTROL right now ... with the way she is acting ... she is most likely sexually active, and the LAST thing you need to have to deal with (Besides an abusive/violent/angry anti-social teen) is to have an UNWANTED Pregnancy of that teen .. and most health insurance providers will NOT cover any unmarried teen pregnancies (and have NOT for the past decade or so). IF you have to -- get the Shots (The ones that last for at least 3 months).

8. Sit down with this "boyfriend" and TELL him that you EXPECT him to HONOR and RESPECT your home, these are the RULES around here -- and give him the rules.

Answer 2

there is nothing you can do to stop her being a liar because you can not control one's character, specially when the environment supports her to be like that, you are one of those aspects included in the environment. What I am saying is that if you kept trying to stop her, most likely she would keep lying to you because she knows that you wont help her, that's why she needs to lie. I've been in the same boat with her. I had to lie and lie and lie to my parents because they did not like my ex-bf but you know what? My parents finally gave up on me and let me learned the hard way. My dad only told me to chose between the guy or the family and I could not lose my family, so I chose my family. This is the hard part but I think my dad taught me a lesson not to be stubborn and be a liar. So, bottom line, let her do what she thinks is right for her, soon or later, she would realize that what she is doing is wrong because time will proof it to her.

Answer 3

I am sure you do not want to hear this, but you may want to consider just keeping the cell, and the car keys (until the detentions and disrespectful behavior stops) and allowing her to see this boy (you have heard of Romeo and Juliett?) this is common when parents try to dissolve a relationship. Set limits on the relationship (is she on birthcontrol?) and just wait it out!! He will not be so attractive when you stop pushing her away from him, it is as much about her developmental level (independence) as it is about the boy, probably;)

Answer 4

Instead of forbidding her to see him, I would have done
just the opposite. Come on over.
If they are at your house, or in your company at all,
they get to hear and know more of what you expect of them.
School detentions I wouldn't blame on him.
There's something else going on, and you need to find
out what It Is.

Note: If It's thought she has an STD It will go through
the school like wild fire, and give her a bad name.
Kids may not want to be around her. That would be so unfair.

Answer 5

The answer to this is pretty simple, don't put her in a situation were she has no alternative but to lie to you. You are making her lie to you.

You see a 16 year old child whilst she feels like an adult.

Forbidding her to see this guy is not only the worst thing you could have done but it is a clear sign to me that you are not communicating with your daughter effectively. If you went to France and wanted to communicate with French people you need to learn how to speak French, learn how to speak to your daughter, get on her level, don't try and bring her up to yours. She doesn't have the same values and beliefs as you, if you don't communicate with her your just going to push her away.

Answer 6

try to get the information of that boy and contact his parents and tell them that ur daughter is not following u so tell them to please try to control their son... and at the second moment talk to ur daughter frankly tell her that u r not an enemy of her u care for her thats y u do all the things and make her realize that she is to young and innocent to fall into any such relationship like this.. remember one thing that guy can be kicked out by any ways but u will lose ur daughter. so make her realize that her mumma loves her and thats y does all the things....all the best... may god will help u and u can contact me personally also if u need any further help..!!!

Answer 7

It's accepted that you love your daughter so much and you always want the best the for her. For one moment just stand out of the situation and analyze it. Just think one more time as what is your problem if your girl hangs out with boy. You have mentioned 4 detentions in 7 weeks - why, how etc. etc...

One more small piece of advice, don' always just force your girl, that will make her do things always opposite. I had this habit in my teens, if anybody orders me to do something I will not do it at any cost. Even till date I can't get rid of this habit completely. Based on your question I think you are trying to command your daughter. Instead have a cool chat with her. Go out for a shopping with her.

Speak to her, but never try to make sit forcibly for a talk. Just remember this "NEVER APPLY FORCE ON ANYTHING. IT WILL ALWAYS BACK FIRE OR RESULT IN DESTRUCTION". She is your daughter, you want see her live happily so speak to her, if required and if required get consent from your daughter to speak with that boy, you are mentioning.

A piece of advice to you, never lose your cool. Until you have it, you can solve this issue easily....

Answer 8

if u dont let her make her own decisions she'll make them after you make them. no matter what she will always manage to contact him. maybe you can occupy her time with activities you choose for her or boot camp if grades are really that terrible and she still refuces to obey. as 4 her boyfriend a forbidden love is a wonderful love in the eyes of a young couple dont forbid her but of course limit her with the time she spends with her boyfriend verses the time she spends with her books
gud luck to you and yur daughter

Answer 9

You should not interfere with other people s relationships . Just try to show her the right way and persuade her not to say any lies . If you make too much pressure on her always ask questions she has to lie this is normal this is not compulsive behavior not a psychological problem .

Answer 10

Have her go to the doctor for a physical then send a fake letter to your house saying she has contracted a STD. She'll think she got it from the boyfriend. Make sure the boyfriend finds out she's dirty and he'll drop her like a hot potato. Problem solved and you don't look like the bad guys.