I need a something to make me laugh?

Question

It cannot contain stuff you could get reported for.

Answer 1

watch tom n jerry

Answer 2

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Answer 3

hey dear friend,,, enjoy

Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate for
an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking for the expiry date...




Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
ensures U Continue to do so.


Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other
problem can there be greater than this one?"


Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries,
troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries
or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.


A newly married man asked his wife: "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"


Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."


Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: " Billionaire"


Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning


A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty
face or my body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense
of humor"

Answer 4

Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop!

Why couldn't the teddy bear eat his dessert?
He was stuffed!

And finally, my favorite, (cause my Avatar is frosty)

What do you get when you a cross a vampire with a snowman?
Frostbite!

Answer 5

Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato

had eyes for each other,

and finally they got married,

and had a little sweet potato,

which they called 'Yam.'

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time,

they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out

and getting half-baked,

so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed,

and get a bad name for herself like

'Hot Potato,'

and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry,

no Spud would get her into

the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand

she wouldn't stay home

and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise

so as not to be skinny

like her Shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe,

Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam

to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland.

And the greasy guys from France

called the French Fries.

And when she went out west,

to watch out for the Indians

so she wouldn't get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on

the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate

with those high class Yukon Golds,

or the ones from the other side of the tracks

who advertise their trade

on all the trucks that say,

'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U.

(that's Potato University)

so that when she graduated

she'd really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her,

one-day Yam came home and announced

she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw!

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't

possibly marry Tom Brokaw

because he's just.......

Are you ready for this?


Are you sure?

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OK! Here it is!

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A COMMON TATER

Answer 6

i saw this movie called kung pow its an old chinnese movie but its so funnie i almost pist my pants and fell off of a two foot hight bed from laughing so hard

Answer 7

Buy cartoons dvd's
or watch kids progremmes on tv

Answer 8

whats the difference between a pickpocket ans a peeping tom?

A pickpocket snatches watches.

You figure out the rest.

Answer 9

go to a mirror and tell yourself how wonderful you are. that makes me laugh here.

Answer 10

U know its ok to talk to yourself and even alright to answer yourself. but u know your in trouble when u tell yourself a joke and u don't get it