My husband & I have been separated for over 3 mos. I found out on Valentine's Day that he has a new girlfriend. They've only been together for a few weeks, but he is always putting her before out 9 mo old daughter. He never saw her before the gf came around. I used to take her up to his work so he could see her cause he always had plans after work. He hasn't seen her outside of work since before Xmas. He didn't see her on her first Xmas, nor did he get her anything. We have a custody/child support agreement. He missed his first pmnt last week cause he got an apt w/ his gf and couldn't afford the child support. Last Wed. I had to leave work to take my daughter to the doctor, she was really sick & he was gonna go w/ me but that hoe convinced him not to by sleeping w/ him instead. His visitation is every other Sat. from 1-5, but he works 8-5. Yesterday I extended it until 8pm and he was gonna come then cancelled b/c his gf came into town. Should I continue to try to accomodate him w/ this
2007-03-04 02:19:13 · 13 answers · asked by newmom06 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He really loves his daughter but he hates me more. His visitation is supervised by me for 6mos so he's mad about that too. He wants his gf to meet our daughter and they've only been together a few weeks! I still love my husband, but I'm not gonna let him have our daughter on his own cause I don't want that girl around her. How much should I go out of my way to let him see her when he's always cancelling or standing her up?
2007-03-04 02:19:34 · update #1
Sweetie, I can fully respect and understand your anger and frustration in this situation. But you said it yourself, you don't want his g/f having anything to do with your daughter. Unless she would physically be in danger, there is no reason to keep him from seeing her as it is his right. Now, if he continues to cancel visitation times and does not pay child support he is showing you that he has no desire. I suggest keeping a journal...write down each time he sees her along with how long the visit was, if he brought her anything...also be sure to write down each time he gives you money (and how much) or you get a child support check. This will just help you keep track of things in case you face additional custody battles and what not in the future. My best friend went through this, and the journal is what helped her win her "battle". I hope this helps a little.
2007-03-11 19:11:32 · answer #1 · answered by Angels 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No honey get you a lawer and get full custody, garnish his check through the state. He does not really love his daughter or he would make sure he saw her 'visiting' days. If he doesn't want to be a part of his kid's life don't make him, but do make him pay for the child he helped create. He is what you call a "dead beat dad". Start now with a journal and date every incident with your daughter he does not come through on. You will need evidence for the court of his behavior so write it down, then let the judge decide.
Please realize that this guy is not a winner. He's a coward who can't live up to responsibility. He's immature and you really are better off. Sounds like your hurt and that's ok, but don't be a fool. You have a little baby to take care of so put your love to her. She needs you. You do not need him. You and him are over, concentrate on you from this day forward. Get every cent you can, and don't look back. You have the tough row to hoe not him. Don't comprimise a single thing for this looser. A real man would be home taking care of his wife and baby. He is cheating you, don't buy it and don't let him get to you.
2007-03-08 07:59:49 · answer #2 · answered by Sunday P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all get your butt to a really good lawyer that specializes in family law.
Document everything that happens even if you just write it all down in a note book it will help alot when talking to your layer or the courts.
Get your child support taken directly out of his paycheck. He will never see the money and it will come directly to you from the state disbursment center ( I don't know where you live). He has to pay child support wether or not he chooses to partake in his rights to visitaion.
DO NOT go out of your way to make visitaions happen. If he wants to see her and it is his scheduled date and time let him make the effort. Document if he shows up or calls, If he is on time, what bullcrap excuse he gave...whatever. This maybe very useful if another situation arises in the future, which I am guessing it will since your child is so young.
Be thankful if he chooses not to see her, it's one less day you have to deal with him. He sounds like a bad energy in her life that she could live without.
Do not ever let her see you upset about her father, it can make her feel like it is all her fault. It's not, don't ever let her feel like it is.
Good luck
2007-03-11 22:29:34 · answer #3 · answered by purplepixeestix 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your there let her meet your daughter because your there they wont get a chance to talk. and as for the fact you obviously hate her i think more so because you love him is no reason to not let him see his kid. remember he doesn't have to much control over his work he needs a place to live with "that ho" if hes gonna be with her but you need to tell him
you pay child support and we will work on visiting times i know you don't like me but if you still love your daughter you will work something out. i prefer if your new girlfriend doesn't meet her even though you dislike me i am daughters name mother am you are her father i would gravely appreciate the respect. nevertheless if she must meet our daughter i would need to talk to her first. when you talk to her establish boundaries what she can say how to act how to dress.
remember its about your daughter not her not him not you do what is best for her
with child support as long as he pays his next payment and continues to pay 1 payment isn't reason to take his daughter away
sometimes fathers cant afford to pay but he should accommodate your schedule to
REMEMBER YOUR DAUGHTER HAS FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS TO DON'T EXCLUDE HER
2007-03-04 02:25:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Geeeezzzes Go on with your life and let the courts deal with this pinhead. Why do you torcher yourself expecting anything from him? He has shown you what his priorities are. Believe him. Be a good mother to your daughter and use your time taking care of her. As far as the GF, don't waste your time and energy being angry with her.
By the by, he is still your husband. I would rectify that as soon as possible
2007-03-11 18:23:42 · answer #5 · answered by areyoukidding 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't love your daughter if he puts everything ahead of her. You'd better talk to your lawyer about his missing a child support payment or you will be sorry later. One missed becomes two, then three and so on. Definately do not try to accomodate him but don't not allow him to see her either. This better be worked out now or you will have a mess on your hands later.
2007-03-11 18:31:29 · answer #6 · answered by Santa's Elf 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No I don't think so, why should you put your life on hold it is only going to make you angry and resentful. You are the mother carry the weight by yourself, try to get married to a great guy, then he will want to be helpful....or maybe not, live your life and take care of your daughter he is a dead beat, not worth another thought.
2007-03-07 19:29:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats always rough. i remember i hated an of my exes girlfriends. because all he had taste in was low life trash. i didnt want any of his skanks around him. eventually though, you may not have much say in who he brings around your daughter-expcept if they are a direct threat to her. just tell him you think its too soon and that it can psycologically damage her further. shes been through enough. she may be little, but children can feel when things are wrong and/or different. if he doesnt respect a routine of picking her up on scheduled weekends, then tell him he should get himself a good family court lawyer. you shouldnt have to guess when hes going to decide he has time for her. who cares if he hates you-its about her.
2007-03-10 17:22:48 · answer #8 · answered by xtal6872 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, this is what you do: Get your butt to a lawyer, and say that you want his rights as a parent terminated. This will either scare him into action, or get him out of you & your child's life. He doesn't love your daughter if he deprives her to get back at you.
2007-03-09 10:03:36 · answer #9 · answered by Icewomanblockstheshot 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stick to the letter of the agreement!!
document the times you've made accommodations for him and he's failed.
Contact the courts about the missed child support.
they will force him to pay, or garnish his wages.
His daughter should come first, regardless of his feelings for you.
2007-03-11 06:04:58 · answer #10 · answered by larsgirl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋