Would you think this gesture was corny, too much prying, or endearing?

Question

I'm pretty soft-spoken, quiet and a little shy around others but I'm incredibly empathetic and don't like seeing people upset so I try to do little things to reach out to others. For instance, if one of my friends is verbally expressing some type of frustration, sadness or worry, I always ask the person sweetly, "Do you need a hug?" I always think that hugs from a friend can make you feel a little better but some people aren't always affectionate like that, so I always ask [Mind you, I'm in my 20's].

Most of the time, people smile and politely decline. Happened just recently in fact, and the person smiled, looked at me and then said alcohol would work better...

SO: do you think they're internally poking fun and thinking I'm corny or trying to pry? Or do you think the smiles mean that the gesture is endearing?

Answer 1

Some people just aren't "huggers". The person who said alcohol would be better was probably trying to add some humour to the situation.

Don't be offended or think that you are encroaching on the space of others when your offer is being declined. It's their decision.

Keep giving those hugs to people who want them. You're a a very kind and caring person and as another poster stated, the world needs more people just like you!!!

*hug*

Answer 2

Re. "You will have better luck if you just give them a hug..."

Given that most of the people you're asking don't want one, do _not_ start giving them out without permission. You'll run into people like me who stiffen at surprise hugs, and end up feeling lousy.

Keep offering, expect some people to think it corny but not to the point where they think badly of you, and re. "alcohol would work better" -- then, your follow-up is "Right. Can I take you out for a beer?"

I do think you've got it right in that the smile means they found it at least cute; you're certainly not offending anybody. And I'm not clear on how it would be prying if it doesn't come with questions about the problem.

Answer 3

The exact same situation has happened with me. I've been upset, someone has offered a hug, and I've declined politely and said I want beer. Beer, to me = better than a hug.

But this doesn't mean I found the person embarassing or corny. I'd be embarassed if they hugged me without asking.The gesture is sweet every time. But I suspect you can pick out the type of person here and there that isn't going to want it. Perhaps be a little more discerning.

Answer 4

I came from a family of "no touchers" and married into a family of huggers.....I offer hugs at my office where I work...for a doctor....and some will be telling me something about family or themself and I say .let me give you a hug for being so brave....but you just have to learn which ones want that hug...if they don't act like it don't feel offended just listen...most of time they want an ear is all....
you aren't prying when they are the ones that brought up their problems so don't worry over that....Just smile..it spreads is my motto

Answer 5

I'm sorry I find that really annoying, I have a co-worker like that and it kind of makes me more angry. It does nothing to fix the situation I'm in. There are two kinds of people in the world, the kind who hugs and the kinds who dont, dont assume everyone is like this.

Answer 6

Endearing but this takes people off guard alot.
You will have better luck if you just give them a hug then say I hope that helped or you seemed like you needed that.
Keep up the Warm Fuzzies, the world needs more of you.

Answer 7

I suspect they know that you mean well and they simply don't want a hug. Empathy or not, remember you must take people at their word; refusing to do so would indeed be rude.

Answer 8

if they are smiling then they appreciate the gesture, and probably wish they were as open as you about the giving of physical affection and reassurance!

Answer 9

NOt all people want hugs.