My partner and I will marry once we graduate. All our money to date was spent on school and so we don't have a lot for rings, let alone a wedding.
I've always wanted a nice wedding but it's just not possible. I told him it's ok, I don't need a fancy wedding - just a lifetime with him. However, when I hear about my friends wedding plans or go to a wedding, I get so sad and heartbroken because I wish I would have some way to share my special day with my friends.
It hurts him to see me sad, and I know he worries I will not be happy with him due to money shortages, so I dare not tell him about this because I don't care about money. Too bad a simple reception is even out of our budget. Am I being a cry-baby? Should I be happy we went to the courthouse to get the certificate and that we have each other forever? I feel conflicted - any thoughts?
2007-03-04 01:10:06 · 32 answers · asked by Lady Beetle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Our parents can't afford to help with the wedding. Even if they could, they probably wouldn't because they don't want us to be together (we're from different cultures and they're very conservative). We have so many things to overcome, so having our one special day celebrated in a nice way would make me so happy.
2007-03-04 01:18:01 · update #1
I don't think you are being a cry baby.
You're right to realize a big wedding/reception is out of your budget range...the most important thing is that you are together and happy.
Maybe you could save a little bit of money every month, and then have a big reception for your 5 year anniversary. Really, it is so much more of an accomplishment to be married 5 years, it is worth celebrating!
Good luck!
2007-03-04 01:15:14 · answer #1 · answered by christine_ 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Why do you have to get married right when you graduate? You know you love each other, you want to spend your lives together, and I totally understand that you're anxious and excited to be together, so you want to do it as soon as possible, but why don't you wait even a year after you graduate to save up some money and then plan a wedding--even a small one--that you can remember and enjoy forever.
I completely understand why you're sad about the fact that you can't have a wedding reception and that all you can afford is a courthouse ceremony. You only do this once and you want it to be an amazing celebration of your love for one another that you can enjoy for the rest of your lives. You shouldn't feel funny or silly about being sad.
That being said, you have three options here:
1) Get married as planned at the end of your college career and accept the fact that you're not having a wedding, but you two can celebrate privately, maybe by getting a nice hotel room for the night and a bottle of champagne and you can just celebrate your new life together.
2) Wait a little bit after graduating college and save up some money so you can afford a small wedding and then you may not feel so sad about not having a wedding or feel jealous when you hear your friends talk about their wedding plans.
3) Get married as planned after college, but save up money for a few years and have a 5 year commitment ceremony and party, and then that way you are still celebrating your lives together, you are just celebrating making it through your first five years of marriage instead of the start of your marriage. You still get a party and a celebration, you just won't get it right away. The only flaw with this plan is that building a life together is expensive and I'm sure you'll find a lot of other expenses in your first five years where you would put the money otherwise intended to be used on your commitment ceremony and celebration--especially if you have kids.
Either way, be happy that you found the man of your dreams and that you're getting married!
Congratulations and good luck whatever you decide.
2007-03-04 02:11:15 · answer #2 · answered by ms. teacher ft 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, first, however you get married, it will be a wedding. It is what you make of it. Second, you just got engaged, when will you be getting married? You should be able to save money between now and then to better reach the wedding you have in mind. Or, couldn't you wait to get married until you have the money saved? Third, don't you have a fiance now? He is oddly missing from your question. Doesn't he work? Can't he pay for the wedding? Fourth, you just finished college, you are done school, time to work full-time and bring in more than $700 a month. Put that education to work and get it to pay off. If you and your fiance both put money away every month for a year there's no reason you can't have the type of wedding with a ceremony and reception in 2011. Make it happen sooner by getting creative and cutting costs.
2016-03-16 04:02:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's perfectly natural to be sad, you probably dreamed of having a huge wedding since you were a little girl, and it probably doesn't help that all your friends are planning big elaborate wedding either! Maybe what you could do is have a vow renewal in 5 or 10 years when you have more money. You could then get married in a church, or temple (I'm unsure what faith you all are) wear a dress, and have a reception. Or you could go to a tropical island and have a vow renewal there.
Please don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do, but you should be honest with your partner. He can help you work through it. Try to think on the bright side, you have a wonderful partner, who loves you. You won't always be short on money, and things will get better.
I hope this helped...
2007-03-04 01:34:23 · answer #4 · answered by JenJen 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I see you went to the court house to get the certificate, but you can get a non-denomination preacher to marry you in a more formal ceremony if you have different religions. What I would do is just invite your most intimate relatives and friends and your families of course and have a beautiful small reception in a restaurant. It really won't cost that much because you are limiting how many people will attend. I would say for about $1000 you can have a lovely reception. You can get a nice restaurant reception for about $25 per person if you shop around. This would include a sit down dinner, with a limited menu of one choice of fish, fowl and meat, wine, beer and soda and a wedding cake. Ask the owner if you can buy the wine, beer and soda yourselves to save money. If not, ask for house wine served in a carafe and beer served from a pitcher and also soda served that way too. Have an open bar, but guests must pay for mixed drinks themselves. Check out some nice restaurants in your area and discuss with owner pricing etc. Ask if he would include wedding cake. Also ask him how much would a buffet dinner cost as opposed to sit down dinner? You may be able to save some money that way. If not shop around for an inexpensive home baker that does this as a side job. Also I would have the preacher marry you right there and then reception to follow. Even if you have to put this wedding on your credit card, you will not be sorry, because I get the feeling that it is very important to you. I wish you both a wonderful life together and don't worry it will turn out beautiful.
2007-03-04 03:30:58 · answer #5 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really would like to have a wedding I feel that you should be honest with your "partner." I don't think it is a really good idea to get married at this time if you are both so broke that you cannot even afford a small reception for your friends and family. There are enough unexpected problems that come up in a marriage. You don't need to start your marriage being so broke. Believe me...it really isn't romantic to be that broke. Concentrate on your careers and saving for your future. Then in another year or so you should be able to get married with a nice small wedding and begin your marriage in a much more economically stable manner.
2007-03-04 01:20:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I honestly don't know why on earth so many people have to have such a fuss, including friends of parents you wouldn't even know if you fell over them, distant relations who have to be explained to you etc etc, at the very personal private event of a wedding between 2 people.
Probably the usual commercial promotion reasons - look at Christmas and the extravaganza 16-year old birthday parties!
Far too many little girls that wish they had been princesses acting it out on THE big day and then having post-wedding depression (did you ever?!) when they are at last supposedly with the man of their dreams - but no longer the centre of attention in dresses like what an old aunt used to hide her loo rolls under on top of the cistern.
I am happily married by the way - just had hubbie and me and my bro in Vegas - civil ceremony, not drive-through for playactors of a different kind to the traditonal - and it was lovely, and special and we are 17 years in.
Don't mean to sound bitter, especially as I am not - what is important is your committment to each other and like some have suggested, have a big celebration when you can afford it - it can be months from the wedding or years down the line.
Just be happy with each other.
2007-03-04 03:08:48 · answer #7 · answered by Serendipity 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Of course it's okay to be sad. We all start to dream of our wedding day when we are little girls and when the day comes and we can't have what we want, it's hard. Do what you can now, just to be together. Then start to put money away and maybe in a year or two you can have a big vow renewal and a wedding to invite your friends and family to.
2007-03-04 04:08:33 · answer #8 · answered by Dawnita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand. Do you think maybe you could wait a year or two until your jobs kick in and you save some money? Or how about this, at your 10 year anniversary throw a big blow out. Thats what my husband and I are doing, our wedding was small and wasnt the way I would have chosen, but we too were young and limited on budget, but now that we have the money we are throwing ourselves our ideal reception with dancing and good food to celebrate that we seem to be one of the fewer couples these days that have actually made it to the 10 year mark. Maybe you could look forward to planning something like that instead.
But no, you arent being a cry-baby, every girl deserves the wedding that she wants and I'm sorry that you arent going to be getting that. Chin-up though, it really is only one day in your life and it gets easier to take as time goes on and good things happen, like the birth of your kids and buying your first house.
Best of luck to you.
2007-03-04 01:24:24 · answer #9 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can have a nice wedding! The wedding itself is usually not too expensive! THen for a reception find a friend or a family member that has a back yard and do sort of a grill out. It is more casual but everyone iwll be their to share your day with you. Hope this could help good luck with the wedding plans.
And if you really want a wedding winter months are the cheapest to have receptions at places
2007-03-04 03:55:18 · answer #10 · answered by Courtney A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋