well i just found my dad and im 12 years old this is my 3rd week being able to see him for the first time and he is gitting my hair done buying me a new cell phone and all....my momma said that its not fair that my mom had to go through all the punishing me and he gets to be the fun dad. AM I SPOILED?
2007-03-03 21:02:14 · 15 answers · asked by puertorican_chica1694 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think it's okay to enjoy your dad wanting to buy you things as long as you know when to say no and as long as you don't start making the gifts the basis of your relationship with him. It does sound like he's trying to buy you a little bit so the next time he trys to buy you something, why not say ' no thanks, let's just go have lunch together". Your mum is probably feeling a bit neglected because she has been there for you your whole life and probably hasn't had much money to spare to buy you all the things your dad can afford.
You can choose wether to become spoiled or not. If you don't take things for granted and become demanding when you don't get something you want then you should be okay.
Your dad is probably nervous about being around you and buys you things to make up for the time he wasn't around but you should explain to him that the best way to make up the time is to talk to you and get to know you rather than buying you things.
You should also have a chat to your mum and let her know how much you appreciate her and tell her you understand everything she's done for you and no matter how much money your dad spends on you it can't replace what she's done.
Having a basically non existant father myself i know what it's like when they start showering you with gifts to make up for things they've missed. Trust me, it ruined my relationship with my father and you should ask him to stop giving you things and just spend time with you.
2007-03-03 21:11:55 · answer #1 · answered by Alyeria 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If anyone would know you are spoiled, it is your Mom and she might not be saying it in a bad way. Not to put your Dad on the spot, but your Mom has been there and might not have been able to give you the material things your Dad is now providing, but know that you can be spoiled in love and affection also. A hug is a lot more memorable then say a cell phone or getting your hair done, at this time. Before your Dad was back in your life, who did your hair, with a smile and as gentle as can be and before your Dad, if you had a cell phone, who would you have called, your Mom right, because remember, he was not there (and believe me I am not absent parent bashing, but lets be real). The "fun" Dad comes in now, and it is okay to be fun, and it is okay to shower children with material things when the other parent can't, but can he say he has been a Father to you all of your life, your Mom can say she has been a Mother to you for ever. Don't let all the new things cloud what and who you are and cause you to miss who was at your side from day one and who will be at your side until (as it should be), her last day on this earth. Enjoy your new Dad but don't forget your old, reliable Mother. God Bless.
2007-03-03 21:24:15 · answer #2 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
don't be fooled by all the money he is spending on you. Where was he before when your mom was struggling to take care of you and give you food and clothes and the basic things that keep you alive. It is not fair to your mom who has been there for all the good and the bad to have you dad suddenly show up with flowing pockets and getting you anything you want.
Don't fall for the spoiling thing. the one who has been there for you all along deserves to have your love more than the one who comes and gets you an new hairdo and a new phone. I hope you are showing your mother some extra love because you know she feels bad and she wants to be the one to spoil you, but even you have to know that that is not what gives you a good life.
2007-03-03 23:27:52 · answer #3 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just remember what your mum is trying to say is that she has to be the parent in the good times and in the bad. It is her that has to do all the worrying about the choices that she is making for you and her. She is the one that will have to put up with any tantrum of fights ending "thats not fair mum". While dad on the other hand gets to do all the fun with you and answers all your questions with "sure darling anything you want". If your mum thought that you really needed a phone I am sure you would get one (if money is there). Im sure your mum is trying to set you up with good morals and with the understanding that life is about earning the things that you get and understanding that everything that you want you cant just have. Its a long process, and just remember your mum is doing everything she can for you with out having you think that you should get everything that you want. And I am sure that if she had the mean and nothing else matter that you would have everything that you wanted but never needed. Good luck, be fair on your mum.
2007-03-03 21:59:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it just seems like your dad is trying to win your love with money because he is guilty about how much time he has missed with you. I'm sure in a few months he will ever ring you occassionally and búy you the odd expensive present or become a bigger asspect in your life, and that will mean less expesive gifts and more life lessons.
Your mum has reason to complain, but remeber she loves you just as much as he does if not more. She is the one that raised you for 12 year, right? And she doesn't have the money to spend on you all teh time if she has to pay for your clothes, education, the roof under your head. And when you think about it, isn't that more important than a new hair cut and a cell phone?
2007-03-03 22:48:36 · answer #5 · answered by RoseLily 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not spoiled. Your Dad probably feels like he has to make up for lost time and only knows how to show affection for buying you material things. Your mom is probably upset because she has been there through good and bad and may feel intimidated by your relationship with your Dad and worry that you may get hurt in the future.
2007-03-03 21:15:34 · answer #6 · answered by cookie 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand what your mom feels because my mom and dad got divorced and we hardly ever saw my dad. but when we did we got to go out and do fun things, why my mom was the keeper of the family, paying all the bills, taking care of us, being there for us, etc. It does not mean that you are spoiled, but remember, material things do not equate love. Your dad is trying to make up for lost time and buying you things is his way to try and show you he cares and feels bad. Just make sure your mom knows how much you love and appreciate her okay?
2007-03-03 21:23:36 · answer #7 · answered by crackermelons 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
YOUR FATHER IS CURRENTLY TRYIN TO BUY YOUR LOVE. THIS ISNT A GOOD THING OR A BAD THING. ITS THE EASIEST THING TO DO WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD THAT YOU DONT SEE FREQUENTLY. MY DAUGHTERS FATHER BOUGHT HER A 200.00 PAIR OF HELIYS THE NEW SKEAKERS THAT HAVE THE WHEELES IN THE BACK OF THEM. SHES 5 SHE DOESNT NEED THAT. WHAT SHE NEEDS IS A FATHER THERE FOR HER NOT TO BUY HER LOVE BUT YOU ARE MUCH OLDER AND MAYBE YOU SHOULD YUCK IT UP WHILE YOU CAN BUT MAKE IT KNOWN TO YOUR DAD THAT WHILE U APRECIEATE THESE THINGS THAT YOU HOPE ITS NOT BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BUY YOU. MAKE SURE THAT HE KNOWS THAT HE NEEDS TO LOVE YOU AND THAT THE CHILD FATHER RELATIONSHIP IS GUNNA TAKE TIME AFTER ALL ITS BEEN 12 YEARS!!!
2007-03-03 22:43:02 · answer #8 · answered by jingles 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all your dad loves you and is probably trying to make up for lost time i bet he regrets not seeing you deeply, enjoy it you deserve it your mum should be happy for you good luck with your relationship with your dad nice to hear you found him :)
2007-03-04 00:39:04 · answer #9 · answered by clare w 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no u still r being punished by ur mom, u dad probbley wants to get to no u better and trying to make u like him
2007-03-04 12:36:51 · answer #10 · answered by StarvinMarvin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋