My fiance broke up with me almost a month ago. When she broke up with me she gave me a fake exuese and then stopped talking to me. Well she finally talked to me last week when I went and apologized to her. After I apologized to her she looked like she was on the verge of tears and told me that she was the one that should have apologized and that it wasn't my fault that she broke up with me. I asked her why she decided to break up with me and she told me that she felt like she didn't love me anymore and even she didn't understand why. I know there's not another guy in her life and I'm really confused right now. I think maybe that she's scared of commitment and is thinking that her fear of commitment means she doesn't love me and she's pushing me away because she's afraid of hurting me even worse in the future. I'm willing to do anything to get her back but I don't know where to even start. Any ideas?
2007-03-03 19:12:02 · 19 answers · asked by Confused as hell 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You have already started. You went to her to apologize, which got the lines of communication open. Don't pressure her, but don't give up.
2007-03-03 19:16:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would help if I knew your ages and how long you'd known each other before you were engaged, but it sounds like you are a young couple. Many times a young woman can get swept away by all the romance, the attention, the thrill of announcing the Big News to family and friends and so on. She falls in love with the romance of being engaged and planning her wedding. Unfortunately, after the initial blush of excitement begins to fade, the gravity of the situation sets in and she quickly understands that she has put you both in a very bad fix.
I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you intentionally, obviously the idea of marrying you was very romantic and exciting...
Unfortunately, she was not ready to truly commit her life to you.
She must feel horribly guilty. If you give her plenty of time, and show her that you are secure with her independance, that she is free to make her own choices about her life, she may eventually be comfortable dating you again. Emotional confrontations and her own guilt are what she most wants to avoid. Don't hang around trying to convince her to resume the relationship, but instead, gently remove yourself from her life for awhile. When the pressure is off, she may just wonder what she passed up and begin pursuing you again.
You have nothing to lose. Let her alone for a month or two. She'll either come back eagerly or not at all, but either way, you'll know you made the right decision.
I wish you the very best,
R
2007-03-04 04:07:54 · answer #2 · answered by Ronda S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should give her time. You didn't say how old you guys are or what you both do (studying or working) so I can't give you a more detailed answer to your question, but in general, time and space always helps. Human relationships aren't the simplest of things to manage and other factors such as pressure (from work, studies, family or financial problems) could have induced her to make such a decision.
I agree that fear of commitmment could be a factor especially if she had a bad relationship before or her family could have had some history of abuse or divorce.
Whatever it is, as they say, if you love her let her go. And if she comes back to you, she's yours. I think she needs time. Don't worry. In the meantime, if you love her, be a friend. Shelve the emotions for a while and just be there for her. She'll see how much you love her. I sincerely hope she'll come back to you. Good luck mate.
2007-03-04 03:28:38 · answer #3 · answered by tashkent 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well this is pretty tough and i dont want you to choose the wrong thing to do but heres a little tip before i give you a little help on what you should just reach for and follow your heart and if you can see it just talk to your friends about it , now ummm you love i know that is ture and she loves you too without a doubt trust in her and she will trust in you , ask her back out its going to be okay just take this step beacuse if you dont your going to fall soo much deeper then anyone can make you feel or if she braks your heart with a doubt would happen . I dont know you and i dont know her but i know that if she is afraid of commitment dont rush her if you rush her your relationship will fall your hearts will break but most of all your friendship will dissappear take sometime talk it out with her and when you two are okay and everything seems nice go back out with her if she says no then dont rush her just wait for a few weeks while still keeping in touch with her and acting like a friend NOTE:ACT LIKE A FRIEND NOT A BOYFRIEND FOR A FEW DAYS!! that part is crucial i mean it then you can ask agian and i gaurentee everything will be fine there will be some missleads in the furture but hold on strong and love her with all your heart ^-^ i know you can do it and i know you two will be hapy
2007-03-04 03:30:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
sorry to hear that mate. Maybe she is scared, so what i would do is bring back the memories u guys had. Like go watch the first movie u guys did when u guys first dated, or go to places u guys went where u guys kissed for the first time, and stuff like that. Show her that u still care and love her with all ur heart. That will bring memories and love back again, stronger hopefully. Just do things u guys did b4 to bring lovely memories.
PS. Not the bad ones...like when u guys had an arguement on the park or something...dont take her to that park...haha :]
hope everything goes well mate!
2007-03-04 03:19:52 · answer #5 · answered by Marty 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are SURE there is not somebody else? Cause it sounds like there is a good chance that there is. I'm sorry to say. But without ALL the facts, can't tell for sure. I just say give her the time and space she needs to figure out whats going on in her head. You can't force someone to love you and if you try it will only prove to push them further away.
Good luck!
2007-03-04 03:19:08 · answer #6 · answered by orchidshel 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you know what bro? this kind of thing called loved is the widest and broadest emotion a person can ever feel... committment is just another step of it... means taking your relationship to a new level... but falling out of love just by fear of committment is not really a good excuse... but perhaps it can be... in the same manner that guys are playful rather than the gals, but every person has the rigth to choose and decide what's good for himself/herself... meaning your fiance just did she thinks the right thing to do... and all you can do now is to wait... give her time and space to think about it... let me put it this way... letting go is not saying goodbye but saying YOU LOVE HER MORE than she does... if she'd come back to you well that concludes it all... good luck...!!!!
2007-03-04 03:27:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
what i have found in that situation is this, if you love someone and they are confused like that the only thing u can do is be ther eto help them a long not push the issue but let them know u are there and that you dont them and that you will do anything to keep them in ur life no matter what it is. good luck with it.
2007-03-04 03:19:03 · answer #8 · answered by bigbadwolf10376 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let her go... She sounds like me... She's bad for you and she has commitment issues. She is not worth the nice guy you seem to be... If you have patience you will find another Sally in the Sea. She definately has found her other BOB.
2007-03-04 03:18:22 · answer #9 · answered by Olivia-Joan 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sometime you need to step back and give her time to think because you did the right thing by saying youre sorry dont rush her and she come to you good luck i know love is a game i am 52 year old and marry to a 27 years old stay on your toes
just wait
2007-03-04 03:25:19 · answer #10 · answered by nightman122554 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋