Cutting yourself?!?

Question

Would you be mad if your best friend slit her wrist because of stress?
Mine did because she said it was stress-her ex bf 'won't stop leaving her alone' and because her boyfriend is stressed out over dumb reasons.

She thinks I'm ridiculous for being so mad!!

Am I wrong?
What do I do?

she only did it once and promises not to do it again

she says its not for attention but i dnt believe that for a second

Answer 1

Of course a person could/would get mad if their best friend or anyone they cared about slit their wrist due to stress. Someone commented that cutters don't cut because of someone else (as in this case - stating it was because of the boyfriend), but they are partially wrong in that statement. Granted, someone else didn't hold a gun to the cutter's head and say, "cut or I'll shoot," but the way the cutter reacted/felt toward the person could have lead to their decision to cut.

Obviously someone who uses cutting as a coping mechanism has more issues with self esteem and pride than just with a boyfriend. You were not wrong in feeling mad or being upset, but due to the sensitive nature of the cutter at that point in time, it may have been harder or more stressful to have her best friend get mad at her. Most likely she is still very upset over the situation that prompted the cutting, then there is the guilt over the cutting itself, then on top of it all, she knows that she let her best friend down (though she doesn't want to jump up and say it).

What you do is talk to her. Ask her to talk about her feelings in regards to the boyfriend issue. Check to see if she wants to be honest/real about her stupid decision to slit her wrist. In this case, it was clearly a cry for help - an attention getter. If it had not been, she would have kept this hidden from you and everyone else for as long as she could. When you guys are through with the talking, the 2 of you need to come to the conclusion that she (and you can go with her, if she wants) tell her parents what she did and seek some kind of help. It is fine if she only goes to a school counselor as long as she gets a chance to address this issue with a professional. Like I said, there is more going on with her than just a crappy boyfriend.

And if she does not want to tell her parents or an authority figure, well guess what? Yep, that's too bad. And it is your job to do this. It is your duty as a friend to look out for your friend. Cutting is just as bad as an eating disorder, alcoholism, or a drug addiction - I don't want to hear this, "it was a one-time incident" stuff. It may be, but lets work through it and make sure that it stays that way.

Okay, so I think I have said enough. To learn more or talk/ask questions you can contact me via E-mail or on Messenger.

Answer 2

From personal experience being angry at here won't make a difference at all. She is felling very alone right now and needs someone to show her that she is not. Telling her parents would be a good idea. But being there for her is very important right now. I needed someone and had no one at the time and my family thought that out of the clear blue putting me in the hospital was the right thing to do. When in fact it was but I didn't think so at the time. I was lost and apart from myself. There are many reasons why people do the things they do. While to some they may be stupid, to others they aren't. I am not saying that what your friend did was right but in her mind right now nothing is. She feels that she has failed herself, and if you are the only one that she can trust you are only adding to it if you tell her that what she did was stupid. I would defiantly get her some help or at least show her were it is wrong either way be there for her. If you are best friends then in the end you will stay best friends, but that means being a TRUE best friend. Sticking together even when the road is rough. Good Luck to you and your friend. I know where she is at right now and it is not a fun place to be.

Answer 3

The last thing your best friend needs is having her best friend mad at her. When someone mutilates themselves they're just seeking escape, in the worst possible way. She's in some sort of emotional pain that she needs physical pain to deviate her attention from. You are not wrong for being mad. Because who wouldn't be? You must be thinking that hurting yourself must be the dumbest thing one can do to resolve stress. But hey, it happened. What you gotta do is talk to her, cutting oneself involves way more stress than just ex-bf's that wont leave her alone. You don't mutilate yourself because of someone else. Let her know that you're always here and it hurts you too that she's doing this. Tell her that a month from the day that she hurt herself she'll feel so stupid about it. It's true. I know.

If it really gets out of hand and she starts to do it regularly whenever she's stressed. Ask your counsellor at school. Or someone you can trust who's able to handle this kind of situation. Because you don't want to embarrass her. You just want to help her out of mutilating herself.

Answer 4

Being mad will cause her more stress. As her best friend, you may want to find ways to help ease her stress and get her information on dealing with stress in other ways. She really needs to speak with someone so that she can learn other coping methods that will not cause her physical harm. She needs to feel safe.

Answer 5

people cut/self-harm for several reasons. others do it for attention while other do it because it helps them in a way that could be hardly understood by "non-cutters."

it's completely understandable that you got mad at your friend; however, i think you should at least try to see it from her perspective in order for you to understand her. NO, i'm not asking you to accept cutting; neither am i asking you to stop feeling so badly about it. it's completely normal to react the way you did.

however, if you really want to help her you should do the best that you can and try not to judge her. different people have got different ways of coping. it's just that right now, you're best friend is going through a tough time. and if there's anything that could help her that would be some people who could understand her, those who would listen to her. once she felt that you can understand her, she'll more likely to trust and listen to you.

so please, try to understand her and then let her know that there are options other than self-harm

Answer 6

She needs counsling. Cutting ones wrists is usually a cry for attention. Stress is an excuse...if one wants to talk about stress try losing a child...nothing is more stressful....think of how her parients will feel knowing that their daughter died because of Stress??? How Stupid.

Good luck

Answer 7

There is nothing you or anyone else can do.It's up to your friend to stop cutting herself.She does it for attention.People who truly want to die don't tell anyone.They just do it and someone will find them later.I can tell you to stop drinking milk,but if you're a milk lover you're going to do what you want no matter what I think.Life is all about decisions.As long as she makes a decision to cut on herself she's going to do it.As hard as it is you need to make a decision about this friendship.If I watch you take careful aim with a gun and shoot yourself in the foot why should I feel sorry for you?You made the decision to do it.I have no control over you.I don't even have a right to judge you."It's your life".

Answer 8

Well to be perfectly honest I used to be a cutter. I dont do it so much anymore as I have become a bit self contious of them. I know several people that have cut themselves... what your friend is doing by cutting... is coping. I know that cutting or any form of self injury is not a positive coping mechanism but right now it is how she is dealing with whats bothering her. You dont have to like or accept what she is doing but that shouldnt change how you feel about her. You see cutting generally is not about wanting to die or trying to end your life... if they wanted to do that there are other ways that they would do it and be more sucessful. But before most people get to that point there are signs that they are displaying that they need serious help, its just a matter of seeing them and doing something about it. before you go calling a suicide hotline number for your friend you need to ask yourself does she seem suicidal? does she talk about dying or seem preoccupied with death? has she given any prized posessions away? Seriously I wouldnt jepordize a friendship over this. Just let her know that you are there for her and tell her that you will be there for her if and when she needs to talk. But dont judge her. I know that you are upset with her for cutting, but try to understand her frustration and inabilaty to cope positively right now. It might be a good idea for you to let her know that you are concerned for her and encourage her to seek some professional guidance to learn some positive coping skills. I hope that this helped in some way or another. But I totally understand what your friend is going through.

Answer 9

You are not wrong. Get in touch with a suicide prevention organization asap. Your friend may be mad at you now, but if it's a matter of her life and death you need to act.

Answer 10

You need to stop being angry, coz that is really not gonna help her, I've been in a situation like this before, just try and understand, talk calmy and softly to her, and try and get her to ask for help, dont push her into anything. Work with her,!!