Need advice on cosleeping? !?

Question

My 6month old sleeps in my bed with my wife at nite(i am working nites most of the time)she (my wife) is handicapped with symptoms similar to spinal bifida so its easier for her to take care of the baby when alone. But recently weve been told that this practice should be stopped by several people and her PEDI. Dr. what should we do?

Directed towards Colleen O. No its not Spinal Bifida there is a reason I said similar symptoms mainly because of the limited mobility as Orthos explainied to me. But her condition is attributed to an Angioma that was hidden behind a Nueroblastoma when she was a child ( she has little strenght from the knees down and no sense of balance) but can walk with aid.

Answer 1

I think you should find a new pediatrician. Co sleeping is very popular and the very very small risks you are taking are outweighed by the benefits. Have you read any books by Dr Sears? He is very pro co-sleeping.

If you have room in your bed, you could look into something like this http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/sr=1-1/qid=1172988737/ref=sr_1_1/602-8162326-5047840?ie=UTF8&asin=B000BM8FXG

If you have room next to your bed, use something like this: http://armsreach.com/cosleeper_comparison.php

Answer 2

Co-sleeping with what everyone else in the world does with their children, why not us? I, personally, had my son out of the bed by 6 months b/c I didn't want to struggle with him later but I miss snuggling with him. Is the Dr. concerned about your wife's condition and that's why he says to stop? The reasons people say to stop co-sleeping is 1)it's a bad habit that gets harder to break the longer you wait 2)all the blankets, sheets etc. could get the baby wrapped up and suffocate and 3)heavy sleepers could roll over and suffocate the baby. If your wife has limited mobility and is alone at night, it's just practical to be close to the baby. You could try bringing the crib in your room or a pack n'play, but I say go ahead and keep co-sleeping

Answer 3

I'm thinking that the peditrician advised against co-sleeping because of your wife's condition. You say it presents similar to spinal bifida...actually the correct terminology is SPINA BIFIDA and IF she has similar then she would present with a neurological disorder that causes a loss of sensation from time to time in otherwords a numbness and there could be a possibilty of the baby being suffocated because her lack of sensation would prevent her from waking. I do find it very interesting how most on this board have decided to ignore the mother's health in all of this and have decided to simply rake the doctor over the coals for being concerned about her physical health as well as the health of her child...very interesting indeed...I guess reading comprehension isn't a strong point for most.

Answer 4

I think that cosleeping is the most wonderful and trust building thing you can do with a child. My best friend who is an MD from India said that is also how it is done in his culture. Having said that...it is VERY difficult to get them to sleep on their own in the future. My 7 year old still makes his way to our bed in the middle of the night. It is not a problem in our house and I don't think he will do it for the rest of his life. (Just can't see him in there at 17 or anything.) It could be a problem for some couples, though. You just need to do what feels right for you. You won't be wrong either way. Kids never come with a manual.

Answer 5

I don't want to discount your ped's opinion because, as someone else said, your wife does have a serious medical condition that could impair her ability to respond to your baby, or inhibit her awareness of their positions in the bed.

I think you should discuss it further with your ped, ask specifically *why* they feel it is riskier than average folks co-sleeping, and then research a bit to see if there are ways to make co-sleeping safer for your wife in her situation. That may mean moving the crib or a co-sleeper against her side of the bed, so the baby has a safe space to sleep in, but your wife can tend to nighttime needs easily. If it turns out your ped just said that because they're against co-sleeping, a second opinion is definitely called for.

As for others' opinions, no matter what you choose to do as a parent, SOMEONE is going to tell you you're doing it all wrong! I would just take it with a grain of salt, smile and say "thanks", and keep on keepin' on.

Best of luck!

Answer 6

Why would people say it should be stopped?

This is the way all human infants slept for millions of years, right? It is in fact the way infants evolved to sleep. Nursing is much improved by cosleeping, as is family bonding.

The only people opposed to it are those who have a problem with closely attached families, tho they will not admit that, or are just close-minded and not thinking.

Look around at all the ads for sleeping pills and wonder why they keep insisting that sleeping alone is good for babies/toddlers.

Our kids co slept with us for years and were very happy for their own beds and rooms at the developmentally appropriate ages.

Answer 7

I would suggest putting a bassinet next to the bed to help make things easier for your wife. One reason co sleeping is a problem is because you can't get kids to sleep in their own beds when the time comes. I'm mom to 3 and an aunt to a spina bifida person.

Answer 8

Hello there. My advice to you, from a professional and personal point of view would be to get another doctor right away. The one that you have is not giving you good advice.
In the interest of not being repetitive I would say that you should re-read the advice that Cassandra gave you. I can not say it any better than she did.
ALL five of my babies slept in my bed with my husband and I. There were even times when more than one of them was in there at a time, a toddler and an infant. I breastfed my babies until they were well over 1 year old. They are ALL independent, healthy, high achieving kids. My oldest is 29 and my youngest is 12 so there is a great deal of age differential there. Without exception they all matured as was normal for their ages, they all slept in their own beds when THEY were ready, and yes this varied a bit. Our bed was always the place to go if they were scared or sick or just plain lonely. I like to think that the loving, accepting attitude that we had when our children were little is one of the reasons that to this day they know that they can come to us for love, comfort or just company. I have a very close, loving relationship with all of my children. All of the awful things that those who oppose "The Family Bed" have said would happen, never happened. All the negative side effects just never came to pass and I believe that my children and my marriage (at that time) were both healthier for it.
If letting your baby sleep in bed with your wife, especially when you are not there anyway, makes it even a little bit easier for her to cope with caring for her baby, then it is totally justified.
Follow what it is in your heart and 99.9% of the time, it will be right. Listen to people who like to critisize others and you will most always be wrong! If you think about it, what right (or reason) does anyone have to tell you what to do with your own baby in your own bed and long as you and your wife feel that it is good for your baby?
Your wife's condition is another very good reason to have the baby in her bed. That way she is alert to every little thing that is going on and is able to respond right away. It just makes sense.
Keep up the good work. You sound like a good father to me and I also think that you sound smart enough to know what is good for your own baby! Tell the "several people" to mind their own business and find a new doctor that is more up to date with what is going on in the real world. If he is this uninformed about "shared sleeping" then he is liable to be uninformed about other things. That could be dangerous.
Take care and enjoy your precious baby!
Love and Blessings **P.S. after reading all of your answers I have to edit what I said! You have gotten some awesome answers! Not just from Cassandra! Thumbs up to all who said you were doing the right thing!**
Lady Trinity~

Answer 9

My husband also works late nights, and it is easier having the baby sleep in bed with me. As long as the baby can't crawl off the bed, perhaps install a rail, and all gaps between mattress and wall are filled, minimal if any pillows and comforters, I see no problem with it. Of course the obvious, no alcohol or drugs which can impair mom's ability to sense baby. No lie, I have read studies that cosleeping reduces SIDS, something about the rythym of breath and expulsion of carbon dioxide, it reminds baby to breathe. Apparently pacis are linked to lower sids also. There will always be nay-sayers to anything, but my son sleeps longer and better when cosleeping. In his crib he wakes up every hour or so, with cosleeping he only wakes up twicein a 6 hr period. I'd suggest http://www.babycenter.com/ for both sides of the debate. Of course this is something you and your wife must decide, along with your baby's dr, but if you find yourself constantly disagreeing with his/her theories, you may want to find a new baby doc. Remember this is your child but somebody will always tell you you're raising him/her wrong, so trust yourself.

Answer 10

pedi are told to tell you not because in a rare case a parent has rolled on the baby also another thing that hasn't been proven is that the baby gets less oxygen when sleeping between a mother and father thus causing a higher risk for sids i don;t believe either


the is nothing wrong with co-sleeping infact they co-sleep everywhere else in the world except usa and canada in other countries they want their baby to feel as if they are part of the family so they have the baby sleep with them in usa we suposidly want our children to be independant so we put the on their own and let them fend for themselves and people who are telling you this probably don;t have any proof that it is bad and it is probably their personal feeling as it will be with most things you run into with people telling you haw to raise your baby just do what you think is best

Answer 11

I'm very, very surprised at the majority of the answers. I'm a mother to four, ages 2 yrs. (twins) to 12 yrs old. I have heard of SEVERAL infant deaths that have resulted from co-sleeping, especially under a year. Add to that the fact that your wife has a handicap and may not be able to respond as quickly if the baby is in distress, and you have a tragedy in the making. There is a reason why your pediatrician does not recommend it. As for Cassandra's answer, saying that anyone who disagrees with her is "close minded" or "opposed to close families" is just completely ignorant and inappropriate. Every opinion has merit- that's why we're here. I have proudly used both formula and daycare, and am anything but "detached" from my children. We are the happiest family I know; my twelve year old scores at a high school senior reading level; my six year old used the word "salivating" today when she saw fresh-baked brownies, and my formerly "preemie" twins score over the hundredth percentile for weight, height, and development. You can't tar all of us "formula and day care lovers" with the same brush. Formula is fine, and children should be exposed to other children on occasion. And, no, I don't just read books, I am and have been a mother for almost thirteen years- with absolutely excellent results, I might add. Anyway, co-sleeping: PLEASE follow the advice of your pediatrician. Say infant deaths attributed to co-sleeping DOES only happen on rare occasions. Do you want that rare occasion to be you? Do you want to take that chance when you can bond with your child just as easily during the day? To quote Dr. Michael Baden, former NY medical examiner, "Babies sleep in cribs for a reason."