Violent Boyfriend? Advice/opinions?

Question

Well here's a few things that have made me think about this-

1.) His dog dragged some trash out and he was hitting it with the trash and yelling at him hitting him with a belt.

2.) When he doesn't get something on the first try he gets pretty mad and either just walks away mad or throws the item.

3.) He was making a call on a payphone and it wouldnt go through so he started to hit the payphone.

4.) I was crying and I woudlnt tell him why so he got his phone and threw it at me and told me to call one of my other friends and he walked out of the room. (then he came back but I hadnt touched the phone and he just sat by me and hugged on me)
but later on he told me he was gonna start yelling and tell me to get out.

5.)He reads my comments on my myspace and he will talk about things me and my friends where talking about later and its kinda private stuff.

6.) he'll also say if im wearing shorts "your not wearing those are you" or "your not wearing a skirt are you?"

So whats your adice/opinion on this?
Thanks Ashley

Im 16 he's 17.

Answer 1

It seems to me that he has a controlling personality. Any relationship you have with him will quickly turn into a possessive one, with him 'owning' you. He's interested in you but only so far as he gets what he wants, when he wants it. It seems he feels you're not important enough for him to devote any real time with you. That's why your problems don't have the same urgency as his do. That's why he wants to do things that he wants and doesn't care about what interests you.

I'd leave this guy alone. Seriously, until he's mature enough (if ever!!!) to think of others instead of just himself it'll be a rocky road traveling to any level of intimacy.

With your privacy, he's going to pry more and more until he has total control. Next thing you know, you can't go out with any one else, talk to any one else, or have freedoms without his approval. Including the fact that he's 'dressing' you to his liking. Soon he'll tell you what friends you can and can't have, and can potentially turn violent towards you.

Advice? If you really want this relationship to work and you think there's some hope for this guy, you need to give him the ultimatum of seeking counseling or you will be out of his life. If he's the one for you, he will do anything to make sure you are happy and will make that change for you, no matter how hard. If not, dump the bastard. There are plenty of other guys out there that will treat you a hell of a lot better. At this age, sweetheart, you don't need to be dealing with this. No one does. Get out of this ASAP, whatever it takes.

Another word of advice, if you go to leave him, be sure someone else you trust is nearby with you. With a potentially violent pattern in his behavior, you'll want that trusted friend or family member nearby to support you.

If this truly seems out of your control, go talk to your parents. They know and care more than you think.

Answer 2

The both of you are still really young. It could be he just has a bad temper and has to throw his little tantrums. However, it could also be that this is just the beginning, and things will escalate to another level. It is good that you are paying attention to these kinds of things you know. Because you are, I'm confident that this guy doesn't have a chance! You will know, before he does, that he is going to get physically violent. Anytime you feel that way, GET OUT! And stay out honey. Cause once they start hitting you it doesn't stop, it just progressively get worse until they really hurt you bad, or God forbid, he kills you. I don't know, you are still young, it might be a good idea to stop this relationship and go check out other fish in the sea. Well, good luck. I know you'll make the right decision. Just really analyze this in your head, think it through.
Your friend on line, Terry

Answer 3

Why would you ever allow ANYONE to treat you this way? He's clearly controlling and has issues. Please respect yourself enough NOT to make him YOUR issue. Anyone who doesn't allow you privacy or who demands you to change is far too controlling. You have many long and great years ahead of you for dating. Use them. Find some nice guys who show you repsect and who care about why you're crying and upset. There are so many deserving guys out there, please don't waste your time with this one. If you wouldn't allow a female friend to treat you this way, never let a boyfriend do it. Consider this, what would you tell another person who posted this very question? What advice would you give her? What if she was a close friend, would your answer be different? You should be hanging out and get to know a lot of people...make friends and hang out in groups of people who care about you, not who have you and treat you like this. Surround yourself with people who deserve you in their lives. :)

Answer 4

Life is WAY too short to saddle yourself with a potentially abusive boyfriend, and this guy has all the earmarks of an abuser.

Get out while the getting is good, before you get beaten up and walked all over and seriously hurt.

Answer 5

your not married and hes got a violent streak he will become more abusive as time passes if he does the dog that way and disrespects you when your down hes no support later find another boyfriend or heres a clue most girls and boys in high school date several people to find one they like as a prospective mate for life so dont get tied down date a few guys and be selective and if this dudes wierd about you going out then dump him tell him hes not your husband and your not married and let folks know about his anger problems maybe he could get counseling and save himself a worse fate later like prison for beating a woman down ,,

Answer 6

so im wondering how many more clues are you looking for before you realize you should stay away from him? I swear sometimes people need to sit and think and use what they have seen with their own eyes to answer their questions. You seem like the type who will get beat up by their spouse but then talk about how much you love them

Answer 7

Well he has a problem needs to take anger managment....
Set some boundaries and if he doesnt want to abide by them, you need to leave it will best for you honey....Im also 16 but have been through a lot in my life, not bad, but i've seen a lot....
Maybe exposed to too much at my age, trust me.
Take my advice, hope it all works out.

Answer 8

This is serious. If he did it once, he will do it again. Don't break up, tell someone trusted and then break up. And take the dog. Chances like these arent worth taking.

If you are asking advice from people you don't know, don't you think its a tad bit serious? Would you marry him? Would you be scared to marry him? Then you shouldn't. And take the dog.

Answer 9

GET OUT. If you say something that makes him mad, he might hurt you. If i were you i would tell your friends and family and ask for help. If somebody makes you feel bad about yourself it is probably not a healthy relashionship. Sweetie, you are probably so much better than what you are getting. Tell someone, and be happy again.

Answer 10

LEAVE. Sounds bad. Sounds like someone who will end up abusive if you're with him long enough. The fact that you're even asking about this here means you're uncomfortable and shouldn't be with him! If he hits his dog what makes you think he won't ever hit you?