Is it normal to argue in relationships?? Like this?

Question

Im just wondering. We been together for 1 year and argued thr-out the whole thing. He's just insecure that he will lose me to some other guy. And I feel like I have to give up alot of things I like to do just to be with him. I'm so bored with my life now I have no hobbies, i just got out of college and moved to a new city with him, dont know nobody, I work promotions for fun for 3 years, and i was free-lance modeling and music videos until we met i just gave it up for him and I would like to get back in it really. Im not trying to live the single life, I just want to keep doing what I ike to do while being with him, and for him to be supportive like some other girls' boyfriends are with this kind of stuff but he is not. I did tis before we met. And I really want to be with him. And all this stuff im doing is not going to last forever anyway. its just something I like to do and find very fun and exciting an spices my life up a little, other than coming home from work and doing nothing.

Thanks all, your asnwers really helped. I really want to be with him though. And yes I have a full tuime career-related job its not like Im putting activities before a career job.

But its hard to talk to each other without arguing! Its not just teh videos and promotions that I do, its him being Insecure. I hate going somewhere by myself without him asking me "how many guys came up to you at the mall, is anybiody hitting on you at work, how many numbers did u get, are you sure there is no other guy there, no i dont want you going there because all those black guys those puerto rican guys will try to hit on you, why do u always have to go out, u probably want to go dance with some other guy" i cant STAND the damn insecurities. I've said some mean things to him like I regret meeting you (at a club too), and if I knew all thos about you before I met I wouldn't have talked to you afterall, its just complicated. Im 24 and he's about to be 23, and im the first real, serious relationshp he

Answer 1

dump him

Answer 2

Okay, maybe what I am about to say will help you some way, I am 20 years old, going to be 21 next month, I have been w/ my boyfriend for 6 years. Sometimes, well most relationships one or the other has to sacrifice something. Maybe some of their friends, or the clothes that they wear, less make-up or even certain panties, but no man should ever get in the way of your dreams or your goals. If you were doing all the things you wish you were doing now, before you met him.. well actually you shouldn't have stopped. Because he fell in love w/ who you were when you first met. If he didn't like what you did, the job that you do or the friends that you've had he would've never been interested. Live your life for yourself, be better for yourself, work hard for yourself, because in the end you yourself are your own hero. Let no man hold you back on the decisions that you want to make. Be who you are for yourself.... Love yourself first before you love another.... I hope this does you some good! I am sorry I am young yes, but I have lived, let live and still living!!

about the arguing, it all depends on what the arguments are about, but if it helps when my boyfriend and I are upset off something, even a little irratated we shut our mouths and go seperate ways i.e. I go on the computer and he watched tv. let all things cool down and then when the flames have died talk calmly.... it really does help... because when you talk and your mad people tend to say things that they truly do not mean and it just causes more problems.

Well, I hope your relationship works out for the best and I wish you the best of luck... Take Care and be Safe

Answer 3

Oh yes arguments are very normal and can be healthy for the relationship. It's different for every couple. Three fights a week may be too much for one couple, while to another that's too little, and to the next that's just normal. It's all about what is normal and comfortable for you two as a couple. The first argument always feels awkward and awful because you never thought the first argument would happen. Which is naive of us, but hey we're in love =P Just handle the arguments calmly and don't be afraid to admit you were wrong. Talk about why the fight happened and try to solve the problem right then and there. If the problem is not solved, prepare to have the same argument in a couple of months. Good Luck to you!

Answer 4

This almost sounds like the begining of an abusive situation. You've already moved to a new city for him, where you have no job, no friends and no hobbies. And it sounds like you had a rather active life before this happens.

You give the excuse that he is just insecure and fears he will lose you to another guy. This is a common excuse heard from abuse vicitms. And to help his fear out - you gave up everything. And apparently he's still demanding more.

You shouldn't have to give up who you are. Yes, some things will change but your hobbies, the things that make you you shouldn't change. They should grow and evolve but they shouldn't change. And it doesn't seem like he's making any cessations for you.

Honestly - I would tell you to get out. At the very least go and see a couples therapist. He doesn't have to go with you - you can have a single session. See what they have to say.

Never give up yourself for another. There is no place for fear in love.

Answer 5

Do not give up anything for any MAN. They are not worth it. You be yourself, live for yourself and be happy with what you do. Life is too short to give up things you enjoy for some guy that wouldnt give up a darned thing for you. Men can be trained, but they are mostly slow learners so it will take u a long time to train them properly. Im not being a smart butt here, I just c women everyday that are miserable bec they have put their life on the back burner for some guy that is insecure, selfish and uncaring. There are other fish in the sea sweetie, dont keep the first one u catch cause theres better out there. Good luck.

Answer 6

I have been with my partner for 4 or 5 years now. When i first met him while I was in High School, he seemed possessive, but I brushed it off as just sweet and caring that he wanted to spend so much time with me and was scared of losing me. But by the time I moved in with him and left school, it became obvious he was an extremely jealous person. I have what I think is social anxiety, so I never went out and partied or anything much, but still wanted to have my few friends over or go visit them. He would insist on being there if they visited as he thought I was going to say horrible things about him and they would convince me to leave him. And if I wanted to go out with them, he would lose his temper because he thought I would go out and flirt with other guys etc. I ended up losing my friends because of all that, because I'd do what he wanted just to keep the peace. Which really sucks because I don't have the confidence to make any new ones.
I didn't want to leave him either, but in hindsight, I should have gotten out of there the minute I started seeing him being so possessive.
Funnily enough, although they say you can't change anyone, he has changed since then. Whether it's because he's come to trust me after years, or because he's recently discovered a social life of his own and appreciates that I don't want to tag along with him when he's out and about, i don't know. But it's a lot better, just too little too late.
But I don't think people change so easily normally, and as much as you want to be with him, he has no right to do this to you. I gave up my social life for my partner, and I never got it back. I would have a big talk to him and give him a chance to sort himself out, or else leave, seriously. It's not the way to live.

Answer 7

I'm not sure if this is normal, but I also have felt the same way. So, it is not just you. You two need to find something that you like to do together, so you are not bored all of the time. And, you need to feel comfortable enough to talk to him about how you feel. Communication is something that every relationship has to have. He probably feels that he has not made you give up much or change any. If he is not willing to listen to you, then you really need to decide if this is how you want your life to be all of the time.

Answer 8

Be honest with yourself as to whether or not you think you can spend the rest of your life with him. Also, you need to be certain he has his own life -- and that he doesn't spend all of his time energy-sucking out of you.. that whole bit about "insecure that he will lose me" is weak. Listen, I'm a guy, and I know guys that play that.. it's lame, and very adolescent.

If you think he's a drag, or a life liability, tell him you need a break.. and start having fun. Meet new people, do new things.. you only live once.

Answer 9

Well, I can understand your bf why he is doing this to you because he loves you but on the other hand, he is doing it wrong to you. It is normal for a couple to argue sometimes bout things like this but if he kept doing this to you, the relationship would not be healthy. You eventually would feel tired and want to rebel and that is when everything starts to break apart. That's why an emotional support is really important in a relationship. It is obvious that your bf is not supporting you. Try to have a talk with him and explain it to him. When you talk to him, keep things in a positive way, so that he would not think that you are blamming him for this. :) good luck!

Answer 10

first of all there is something wrong if you are bored. This sounds like a lack of motivation or depression? well its not normal as most happily adjusted people don't have enough time in their life to be bored..that would be a luxury to the well motivated happily adjusted individual. Don't expect a relationship to relieve boredom. Its not fair to them and you will only ended up with a unsatisfying love life and you will worse of then before.
Find out why your are bored and correct this first. All else will fall in place..trust me

Answer 11

Sounds like you gave everything up for him. Not good. You need to be you and have someone who accepts you for you and supports that, otherwise, you will build a giant resentment toward him and end up hating him for holding you back. Discuss it with him. If he can't deal with his insecurities and trust issues, then you need to move on. It will be hard at first, but you will be so happy in the end. Ask yourself, does he give things up for you and would he?