I am 21 years old and have been married two years. We are expecting our first son in August. I did not meet my dad until I was 18 and my parents hate each other. My dad was at my wedding and mom did not attend due to their problems which was heartbreaking for me. When my dad found out I was pregnant he stated he and my mom could not be there at the same time (of course) and he thinks he should be there at birth and I should lie to her and state I went into labor in the middle of the night and have my mom come the next day. Heres a twist my mom has been sick for a few years and a couple weeks ago was givin six months to live. I feel like I am being torn in two many directions and I am at my end. I honestly do not know what to do. Am really obligated to anyone? In my head my dad was at the wedding so my mom should be there for the able to be at the birth especially now she does not have long with the baby. What is your opionion on the RIGHT thing to do. Im so confused. Thanks!
2007-03-03 15:36:32 · 13 answers · asked by J&A 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am sorry that at 21 your parents still find need to put you in the situation you are in. I am 45 and when my husband I separated I had every reason to be angry with him and was I didn't care if I saw him again, but we have three children and I had to put my anger aside for them.
Tell your dad that you Love him and really want him at the birth of your child his grandchild, but the choice will be his ask him to lay his anger with your mother aside for this joy full occasion. Tell him that you can no longer be put in the position of choosing between him or your mother, you love them both and always will.
Be sure you say the same to your mother also.
It is not for you to pick one parent or the other they need to both be the grandparents right now and not the children.
Good Luck
2007-03-03 18:39:36 · answer #1 · answered by Marla D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dad stayed out of your life during the first 18 years when your mother needed the financial support as well as the love of a mate. Now he wants you to lie to your mother. I don't think so. I am sorry your mother felt she couldn't be at your wedding just because your father was there. No way would I lie to her and have the baby without her there. You aren't obligated to anyone but the right thing to do is to support the mother who raised you. I don't see that you owe your father much of anything.
2007-03-03 23:54:37 · answer #2 · answered by missingora 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you only met your father when you were 18, then I think you owe it to your mother. She is the parent who raised you, she is the parent who supported you. She gave you love, she did not abandon you.
Although it is crappy that she did not attend your wedding, do you know the FULL story about what happened between her and your father? Maybe what happened between them in the past was horrible and something she still has not dealt with. You know she loves you, she's your mother.
I am sad to hear that she is dying, your father is not a very honorable man if he knows this and expects you to LIE to her so that she isn't there. It is sad that she will not have long to know the baby.
Personally, I love my father but I would want my mother there more when I give birth.
2007-03-03 23:55:29 · answer #3 · answered by Samantha 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They shouldn't be making you feel like you have to choose but if I had to I would choose Mom. She's the one who raised you and loved you and doesn't have much time left. Dad wasn't around when you needed him the most so why should you care about what he wants? Dad was the reason Mom wasn't at your wedding. He's caused enough heartache with his demands (which he has no right to do).
2007-03-03 23:57:38 · answer #4 · answered by Coop's Wife 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother raised you. Your father abandoned you. He never acted like a father. So, your mother kidnapped you as an infant and changed her name so your father couldn't find you, your mother has priority.
Your father simply has not earned these privileges. If you have a good relationship with him now, that is good. But even he ought to see that your mom raised you and he abandoned you. If he cares anything about you, he should appreciate and respect your mother for raising you when he didn't.
2007-03-03 23:51:15 · answer #5 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your father is behaving badly, he is inconsiderate, controlling and trying to manipulate you to get at your mother. He is a newcomer in your life who is messing up your life. Your first loyalty is to your mother who raised you without him in the picture. The fact that she is sick and may not be around soon makes it more important.
You are not responsible for behaviour of your parents but if they force you to make a decision I think you should choose your mother. She deserves it. The fact that your father wants you to lie to her is despicable! It tells me (Honey, I'm a mature woman, my daughter is older than you) that he is ready to stoop very low to hurt your mother and you in the process. It is wicked. Don't feel obligated to him. If he tried to manipulate you be honest with him. Talk to your husband and ask for his support. Besides, I can tell you that that in labour you will want to have your mother with you. Good luck Honey:-)
2007-03-04 00:33:04 · answer #6 · answered by woman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an important part of your life. Tell them that you want them both to be there. If they cant be mature and deal with each other for a short time, then dont come at all. You want happy memories and no worries. They are adults. tell them to act like it.
2007-03-03 23:50:09 · answer #7 · answered by jms62394 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in my eyes i think you should make them be there together bcuz this moment will last and well why not they dont have to know and in case it wont work out at least you tried and your baby had both grandparents by its side i mean i really hope it works for you and i honestly hope your mom feels better . these things are hard and at the end you dont want memories of your babys delivery by one of their presence. think about this good luck
2007-03-03 23:50:35 · answer #8 · answered by alwayzsmilin 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are not obligated in any way to either one of them....someone once told me....we are responsible to our loved one's but not for them.
As for your delivery...your dad is wrong for telling you to lie to your mother.....your mother shouldn't have special treatment because she is ill....but, personally, I would much rather have my mom at the delivery of my child than my dad.
Congratulations on the baby!!
2007-03-04 00:15:57 · answer #9 · answered by Lani 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your mom she wa there the first 18 years of your life not your dad, she missed your wedding cause of your dad, he's making you lie to your mom, she's dieing!!! i think you know what you should do in your heart!
2007-03-04 00:47:32 · answer #10 · answered by experiencedmommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋