I want to leave the relationship, but when it almost becomes that way I get doubts. I've dated and live with

Question

my boyfriend for 1 1/2 yrs, & things use to be fine I thought, but there has always been problems, like no serious communication, but I would just brush it aside. Well, now I believe Im falling in love w/ someone else. It was kind of like a wake up call. And it's not about the other person and I, but how I must not be in love with my boyfriend if I have feelings for someone else. I also have lost all sexual attraction for him. There's times where I wish I could just end it, but hes a good guy and has done nothing wrong to me & I do care & dont want to hurt him & plus Im a coward when it comes to confrontation. Ive been acting more distant, & he has noticed, & gets mad, & then like i said, no communication happens, like tonight he stopped talkin, got ready, & left to his friends (which he never does), & now Im having second thoughts. Im scared that Im making a mistake. We've built our lives togethers for awhile now and things have worked, I'd be throwing away everything, any advice?

Answer 1

Wow this sounds like a tough situation. I was in a relationship with a guy for 3 years (minus about 10 days at the end.) I felt that way a few times, but always convinced myself "better the devil you know to the one you don't." However, he ended up breaking it off anyway. And as for being afraid of confrontation, I can definitely relate there. My best advice to you would be to think about how you really and truly feel. If you think about ending it and get upset because the relationship really makes you happy, then I wouldn't end it. However, if you think about it and get upset just because you'll be leaving what has been familiar to you for so long, then I would try to find the courage to end it. You'll both end up happier in the end - because he will find someone who is truly committed to being with him, and you will find someone you're truly committed to being with. (I'm currently in a relationship again and just celebrated a 10 month anniversary, with the promise of getting married when college is over.) And for the record - I'm not trying to make you sound like the bad guy because I said you're not committed to him - there is no bad guy. It just sounds like the feelings that should be in a relationship aren't there, and that's okay. Good luck, because I know this can be tough!

Answer 2

ok. i just went thru smth similar to what you are going thru and i feel your pain. u sound so much like me, being confused and not wanting to make a mistake and the guy being nice and not wanting to hurt him and the problems which u tried to ignore and lack of communication....totally me. This was what i did. firstly you need to know that i am a christ follower. and i truly prayed and fasted and sought God for direction. Never make a decision when you are emotional or confused. i pretty much had to face reality and facts. i had to be true to myself. could i imagine spending my life with this person? does he make me happy? do we have similar goals? does he excite me- physically, emotionally, spiritually? can i depend on him? can i be myself with him? can i be vulnerable with him? do i have doubts?and if i do, why? i know he is a nice guy and you dont want to hurt him, but i think that in the long run you are going to end up hurting both of you. whether he finds out now or in the future, its gonna hurt just as much. being in this rlsph is holding u and him back from rlsphs that u otherwise should be in. be fair to him. tell him how you feel. also you have to make sure that you are ok with letting him go, even if things dont work out btw u and this other guy.

Answer 3

It really sounds like you want out of the relationship, so do it. Sometimes you just have to take chances in life in order to find true happiness.