How soon should we have a baby?

Question

My fiance and I are getting married on June 23, 2007. We've been in love since high school and are finally going to have the big church wedding I've always dreamed of. However, the question came up today while we were talking, of how soon should we have a baby?

We're both 21 years old and still in college (He's in his Junior year, to become an English Teacher; I'm in my Sophomore year to become a child therapist). I said we should start trying in eight years, when we're both 29-ish. He doesn't want to wait until we're close to 30, and only wants to wait about 5 years.

My question is, when should we start trying to have a baby?

I ask because I'm worried about pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, and other problems that are more common with older pregnant women. I also heard that if you have a child before 30, you greatly reduce your chances for certain cancers.

However, I want to continue with college through Ph.D. which would take another 6 years from now.

He wants to start trying after I get my master's degree, so that we will have enough energy to be active, involved parents.

Answer 1

You have some big decisions to make.

Will you work when you have your baby. If you put your baby in daycare to work then you can put them in daycare to go for you PHD. (I hate daycare by the way. I figure I'm the parent so I should raise my children not a daycare worker....if they spend 8 hours a day or more in daycare...you aren't raising them...just paying alimony)... That's another issue.

So being an older mom I can tell you it has one or two advantages. I'm more patient now than I was in my 20's. I had the opportunity to work for about a decade before I decided to have kids and stay home with them. I get to have a stage two ultrasound which is more detailed and pretty cool. (being a little silly on that one...sorry)

Disadvantages. I was 35 when I had my first. 37 for the second and now I'll be 40 this year.

I have to have more tests than other moms because of higher risk of complications, abnormalities, Down Syndrome, and the list goes on.

I have a higher risk of multiples. (not such a bad thing, but could be for the nerves)

I have a higher risk of miscarriage. Had one in September.

I'm also at a higher risk for other disorders that I didn't know anything about until yesterday. Turns out my most recent pregnancy is not a pregnancy at all. It's a molar pregnancy. No baby really just placenta. Also a year of blood tests and pelvic exams to make sure it doesn't grow back. The possibility of having to take chemotherapy drugs to eradicate it. Left unmonitored or treated the possibility of cancer.

Not fun. I'm hating my advanced age at the moment. I was really excited about this baby and even more so because it looked like I was going to have twins. Just not feeling great right now. I would go back and give up those years in the classroom, the years of carefree marriage with my husband...just to have that baby right now. I would.

PS The older you get the harder it is to deal with lack of sleep too. AND let me tell you, babies don't sleep like babies. My first was up every two hours to eat for the first three or four months of her life. Same with the second but at least she started sleeping all night at that point. My oldest still wakes up during the night at times and I have to crawl out of bed to soothe her. It's tough.

The babies are the most rewarding part of my life. My degree, my career, my freedom to come and go...all faint, distant memories that mean nothing to me now. Those kids are the best thing I have ever done.

Just my opinion though. Everyone is different.

Answer 2

This is something you two have to decide on your own. You will know when its time. My husband and I got married last June (good month by the way) and we were going to wait, but I am 26 and he is 28 so we decided to go ahead and do it. We are at a different stage in life. I think you are young and have time to wait, but I would hope that you dont get so wrapped up in your careers that you dont get to it, or dont enjoy it. I think it is so sad when couples think its better for the kids to wait until they are in their late 30s or even 40s.
Once you get your PhD are you going to be ok with not using it right away? if not then you might want to consider having the baby and pursuing your PhD after you have worked for a bit, and got your family starting. The opportunity will always be there to get it, but babies wont always be there.

Answer 3

Don't go by "years." Go by accomplishments.

Finish your education first. It's really hard to go back to school when you have little people running around the house.

Once you have the education, you have a greater chance of obtaining gainful employment (instead of "would you like fries with that?") and some stability. Once you have the stability and the relationship is good (I hope he's your best friend), you're ready.

You've got a lot of time to have children. There's no need to rush.

Answer 4

You should have children when you are financially and emotionally prepared to have them. I was an "older" pregnant woman never suffered anything other than a mild case of gas and 24/7 morning sickness when I was pregnant for my now 21 year old daughter. I was 32 when I had her. I know a number of women who were in their 40s who were healthily pregnant and have healthy children. One in fact had her first and only child when she was 50...and neither mother nor child had problems.

Answer 5

I think the best time to have children is when you are old enough to afford them, but young enough to have the energy to care for them.

I know lots of people who have had children at around the 30 mark. It took them some time to get pregnant, but they tend to make phenomenal parents. I also know plenty of parents who had children in the mid-twenties that have also made great parents. It's just so personal and situation specific!

Just make sure you're passed the teens and before retirement!

Answer 6

wait until you are married and have your career started. your still so young. all the things your worried about effecting older women are not just older women problems. my friend had a baby when she was 20 and had pre eclapsia and needed to be induced a few weeks early. any one can develop any of thoes things no matter how old you are.

Answer 7

I think Luann E has given you the best advice. Get yourselves established first. You'll know when the tiime is right

Answer 8

theres no better time then the present,if you are wondering that you dont know when you will be ready ,ill just say if its your first you can never be ready, i know i wasnt but it happened and i took responsibilty and it has been a wonderful thing and watching them grow is undescribable.it will be a decision you will never regret.

Answer 9

don't try having a baby in your college years because you need to do your work for college. it is better to have a baby after your college years because it is easier for you and your fiance.

Answer 10

I would wait until you are all done with school and are settled in a career.