[Long Story] Whats going on here???

Question

Me and my ex had a mutual break up. He didn't feel like being with me anymore and I wasn't going to stay in a relationship where I wasn't wanted. He said we would be friends. A few days later he said something that upset me and I got mad at him and told him how I was feeling, that he used me and that he never loved me. I know I shouldn't have told him that and the next day I apologized. (He never denied it though, he just told me "It that's what you want to think.") He was still really upset though and said he was still mad. I figured he got over it though cause' it wasn't brought up again. But then he slowly started avoiding me and now he doesn’t talk or look at me. We have the same group of friends so I see him often. I'm not going to stop hanging out with our friends just because we broke up. Some of my friends have stayed friends with their exs and some haven't. I just want to know what's normal and what happened to a relationship that seemed so perfect.

Other facts that might help figure things out:
We were each others first love.
I initiated everything because he is really shy. I was the one who told him I liked him first and the first one to say I love you.
He asked me to marry him. (I know high school is too young but we were talking about like after collage.)
Two weeks before we broke up he had talked about how when we got married he would like it if I took his last name.
A month before we broke up we had our first time doing stuff…
We were together for four months. (We took things a little to fast.)
We barley got to see each other in person alone and mostly talked over the internet.
He had liked me for a almost a year before I told him I liked him. (He was very shy and isn’t conventionally attractive even though I thought so.)
All our friends were surprised that I was going out with him.

The two weeks before we broke up was Christmas break and he was in California. The first week of break we talked on the phone every night and he always told me he loved me. The second week he didn’t call me at all, didn’t return my messages, and when I did get a hold of him he said he would call me back but never did. Later he told me he was busy with his family and then he told me he just needed time to think. So I didn’t try to contact him for two days so he could think. Someone close to me had died and I really needed to talk to him since he was the closest person in my life to me but he wasn’t there for me so I was upset. When I got back to school and saw him I hugged him but I felt like he was pushing me away. He didn’t seem interested in talking to me and no longer wanted to make out. Then I asked him to talk to me that night but he never did. The next day I just got frustrated and asked him what he wanted.

He said half of him still loved me but half of him just wanted to be friends. So I said fine we can break up then (I never thought it would be so permanent.)

After the break up he said -in order:
He had a secret that was big for him but I would find silly.
He wasn’t ready for a relationship.
We could maybe get back together in a few months.
Over the internet:
We weren’t meant to be together.
We didn’t mesh well.
He knew before Christmas break that we weren’t going to work.
He didn’t like how I talked about the future.
He didn’t love me.
We would never be together again.

I know I’m being a little obsessive, this is like my diary, but he was my first love and I’d like to know what happened. I don’t want to make the same mistakes twice. It’s probably apparent that I still have feelings for him but I’m trying to move on, it’s just really hard because all I think about is him. It’s also a problem because I know he doesn’t have feelings for me. I don’t want things to be weird anymore and I just want things to go back to normal.

Answer 1

Before we go to far or too deep into what you can do to win him back, or if you should, or if you did any thing wrong, or if he is insensitive, let's be realistic about something that cuts to the chase, and that is this: It sounds like you are a young woman in your early teens, and that this mostly cyber relationship was a relationship of many "firsts" in your young romantic life.

That's OK, everyone has a first love, a first crush, - or in this case a first infatuation, (puppy love). - no insult intended. You cry, you're frustrated, you feel helpless, this is not how things are supposed to be! You don't understand - and that is understandaable, - why? Becuase your young and inexperienced in the ways of the world little one.

Boys and girls of every age are always in such a hurry to become adults, and the irony is, that once they do truely become adults, (many never do), they immediately wish that they were teenagers again, they want to go back and recapture the time in their lives when they had the most amount of freedom, and the least amount of responsibility

.And so it is with their relationships, they see the soap operas on TV, and read the romance novels, and they fall in love with the idea of being in love. Young girls wanting babies - when they are little more than babies themselves. Just because you have developed breasts, and have hair on your pubic area, and have hormones raging thru your system, and have started your period, and biologically you can concieve and bear a child does not make you a woman yet, and more that having a penis and sperm and being able to achieve an erection and ejaculate makes a 14 year old boy a man.

But here we are today, 13 and 14 year olds, (and younger), having and mistaking sex for love. Thinking that a "relationship" at that age is going to be a lasting union. Nonsense. Do you understand that about 50% of Legal Marriages between consenting adults end in divorce? I'm talking about people like your parents - harworking, wage-earning middle class folks who are raising families, paying mortgages, and saving to send thier kids, (like you), to college. How many times do you think your Mom or Dad or Aunts or Uncles "dated" before they finally married their current spouses? How many kids do you know who's parents are diviorced? How man have parents who have been divorced and married again?

The Point is this, - this fellow who for whatever reason has captured and broken your heart will not be the last - so let him go, and move on, there wille another Mr. Right out there waiting for you to share a part of your life for a while, and then most likely, you two will also part ways; this process will continue until you find someone who you find not only attractive from the outside, but compatible and engaging from the inside, a man that captures your heart and your soul. In the meantime have fun, date, makeout, be smitten, the whole nine yards, but know that you're young and protect yorself against STD's, and pregnancy, and protect your reputation as well.

So if you still like the guy - be a friend, if not blow him off, just don't be a phony or untrue to yourself. Good luck.

I'm pulling for you.

Answer 2

The writing is pretty much on the wall where he's concerned. He has told you how he's feeling. Please don't sit around waiting for him to contact you, because, let's face it, it may never happen. You two may be able to remain friends, but I don't know for how long, so prepare yourself for that. He sounds kind of wishy washy to me & I think he wants to move on, just like you do. Maybe he felt that things were getting too serious right now, & it scared him. You asked what happened to a relationship that seemed so perfect? That's quite obvious isn't it? It seemed perfect, but it wasn't. There's no such thing as a perfect relationship, as you can see. Your breakup was mutual, so give yourself some time to do what you want to do. You're still young yet & you have your whole life ahead of you to find the one who is right for you.

Answer 3

Ok Im going to feel really bad but I personaly just by reading your story do believe he did use you. I would just leave him be. And DONT let him know your hurting because then your making yourself too available and if you do that chances are if hes the jerk he sounds like then he will hurt you again. I really dont know what to say because BEEN THERE DONE THAT. Some guys are just...........you know. He sounds very insensitive. As far as him not denying it. Its probably because you called him on it.
Hon if he really did care he would not be trying to hurt you so bad.
Its like hes going out of his way to be mean. Anyone who loves you would not do that to you. I have alot more to say but I really cant get my point across because your still hurting. Im really sorry .

Answer 4

I CANT BELIEVE I ACTUALLY READ ALL OF THAT... GIRL YOU NEED TO MOVE ON..... YOU GUYS WERE ONLY TOGETHER FOR HOW LONG?? 4 MONTHS?? THATS NOT A LONG TIME AND SINCE YOU PUT THAT HE IS YOUR FIRST LOVE INTO YOUR HEAD IT STUCK THERE BUT THAT IS NOT THE CASE.... YOU ONLY THINK YOU LOVE HIM..... BUT YOU REALLY DONT..AND IT SEEMS TO ME AS IF THE LITTLE PRICK WAS ONLY PLAYING WITH YOUR HEART... TRY TO GET OVER HIM SOON AND SHOW HIM THAT ITS NOT PHASING YOU AND YOU DONT CARE AS HE DOESNT.... SOME BOYS JUST DONT KNOW THE VALUE OF A GIRL AND A RELATIONSHIP.. SO JUST MAKE SURE YOU LOOK INTO THE PERSONS ATTITUDE AND DETERMINATION TO GET YOU.... TRY LETTING THE GUY COME TO YOU NEXT TIME AND DONT GO TO HIM THAT WAY YOU CAN SEE HOW INTERESTED HE IS IN YOU... GOOD LUCK AND MOVE ON AND DONT LET THAT BOY GET TO YOU....

Answer 5

chill youre probably like 14 and have the whole next four years of high school to go through and youll probably "fall in love" a few more times during that and then if you go to college youll see that high school puppy love is ridiculous and rarely ever do you actually marry your high school sweet heart, i know i sound mean and harsh but i just took the time to read your whole diatribe so cut me some slack

Answer 6

Normal is gone. Dating inside of friend circles, splits circles or at least makes it awkward. You probably brought him out of his shell and all his party buddies are not out to get tied down. Unfortunately he will probably regret you the rest of his life after he wakes up. You need to let him go and he will probably begin to miss you. He may also have deep commitment issues. Is his parents still married? Pick yourself and dust yourself off as hard as it is and just go back to being you with your friends and be seen on a date with someone else and he could snap out of it. or at least your moving on. Good Luck

Answer 7

How long ago have u separated?......He probabaly still needs time o sort his feelings out. First and for most u guys looked like u were moving to fast......since he was your first in everything. You're young, naive, and confused.....plus especially that he's you're first. IF u fund it that u still cant stop thinkin about try communicating with him...It might be for the best....asked him wat went wrong,, and if he would like to try again...after all you shouldnt have responded the way u did when he said "half of me love u and the other want to be friends" thats probably y ur not together. JUST give hime some space.....have u ever heard of ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART FONDER......well leave him to fonder....then see wat happens....email me for advice.....good luck

Answer 8

i would keep my friends and try not to let him know he is getting to you. if you care enough to get upset then you still care. i had my first love about 10 years ago and just heard that he is getting married, i actually got really upset but ther is nothing you can do but pick up the pieces and move on.and smile!

Answer 9

make a clean break, no excess baggage, life goes on, hurt a little cry alittle, the sun will shine aftre the rain, the field will be greener the flower smells sweeter aftre the shower

Answer 10

Guys have no respect for girls who make the 1st move they think they are just a desperate Sl-t. For most guys even if they are shy they need to make the 1st move ... that was your mistake. Good luck.