Tommorow is my father's 70th birthday. (I am in my 20's the youngest of 8, oldest is 49. :D) My stepmother called me last Monday to tell me that she has put together a little party for him at thier church. Fellow church memebers as well as family is traveling in for the party. (More of a get together really) My question isn't should I go to his party, but my stepmother said that I could come to the service before the party.
My hesitation with doing so is because of a few things. When I moved out I told my stepmother that I was not going to attend thier church no longer. She used thier church as almost a punishment for me when I was younger. (Not sunday services) Both parents have always been apart of different groups and meetings and such within thier church. They would always bring me along and my stepmother would insist on having me sit in the coat room and wait sometimes 3-4 hours til thier meetings were done. (She never allowed me to sit in with them) Or she had me waiting in
2007-03-03 14:18:09 · 10 answers · asked by Mrs. K 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
a classroom downstairs. Well I am 26 now, married and have a son. I have attended a service here and there against my wishes. (There is much more reason for me not wanting to attend, I never implied that I wasn't ever going to attend another church)
I just am tired of coming up with excuses, I DO NOT WANT TO GO. I should not have to feel bad about it, I really believe that. Yet I do.
What do I do? How do I get over the fact that it bothers me that she does this to me? My stepmtoher never asks me to attend unless its a birthday or my sister is visiting.
Thanks for your help in advance
2007-03-03 14:20:43 · update #1
Seeing family members on my step mothers side is going to upset me becasue of past situations. Also with some of the church memebers that will stay for the party. (One family in particular)
I have spent a number of years GETTING AWAY from some of these people. IT is unavoidable for some family members I understand that. But I shouldn't have to see some of those other people going if I don't want to.... ?
2007-03-03 14:25:23 · update #2
I would advise you don't enter into discussion with her and just go to the party after the service. You are not visiting with him during the service and you are going for his sake.
Whatever your spiritual beliefs are or are not, they are yours. I hope your experience with your stepmother does not stop you from exploring your own spirituality. If you are Christian, there are many, many forms of Christianity. I realize families can get very upset about freedom of religion but it is yours to choose.
Perhaps as one person here mentioned, you may not believe in God or you may choose one of many other faiths to live by. People who respect you are not controlling. Your experience sounds quite abusive but I have only heard part of your side.
This step mother needs to learn to respect you as an adult even if she couldn't respect you as a child. If I am unfair I am sorry but it sounds that way. So just be polite and do not get pulled into anything by anyone.
Peace! Good luck!
2007-03-03 14:35:48 · answer #1 · answered by Jamie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't feel comfortable going to the service, don't go. Not only are you not going to get any kind of spiritual experience out of it, one person's attitude can effect the blessings of several other people. I'm not saying that you don't have a good reason to feel the way that you do, because in my opinion you do, but if you're automatically blocking, this can effect the entire service.
Seeing as you are an adult, you don't have to explain yourself to your stepmother. Just tell her that you and your son won't be at the service but you'll be right on time for the party. That way, you won't be sitting through the service reliving bad memories ... and you won't ruin the time that you spend with your father by upsetting yourself before the party.
Also, even if there are people that you don't want to see at the party, you can spend the time visiting with your dad or other family members that you DO want to see. You won't have to spend an hour just sitting there, seeing everyone, and tearing open old wounds.
2007-03-03 14:27:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are at that age between being called an adult and actually making that mental transition into adulthood. Breaking family ties. I don't mean not talking to them or isolating from them, i mean knowing that it is ok to think differently, have different preferences and stand up for what you believe in not by using excuses but by saying exactly how you feel eg i don't want to attend the church service because it brings back uncomfortable memories. And after you have made up your mind, not letting anyone coarse you or persuade you into changing it by implying that your reasoning is flawed. On the other hand as an adult if you feel like it's going to mean alot to your dad if you showed up and you feel like doing it for him, it's totally up to you. But believe it or not, your first responsibility is to yourself. And remember it is totally up to you, it is not your stepmother's decision
PS: Just when you start making your decisions and standing up for yourself, the "older people" in your life who had been making those decisions for you or persuading you into doing what they have wanted you to do will resist your independence. And you will not always successfully stand your ground but you'll get there eventually. It is a common phase that you go through at this age so brave up and good luck
2007-03-03 14:56:45 · answer #3 · answered by uz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as the church thing you are grown and it should be your choice to go to this church or not. If you don't want to go to the church I wouldn't. But don't make the mistake of not going to your father's birthday party. There will be a day that you would regret this if you didn't. I wished my father was still living so that I could go to see him. Talk with him and give him a hug. He has been dead since 98 and still there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him.
It is also time that your parent realize that you are grown and time for you to make your own decision. If they don't understand it is time for you to explain it to them but do it in a respectful way.
You have your own family now to take care of. Good Luck
2007-03-03 14:31:22 · answer #4 · answered by edj009 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're a grown up now. There's nothing for you to fear. You cannot be forced to do anything you do not want to do. If you can believe that, then you should go for your father sake. If you don't think you can handle it, join the party after the get together.
(you could offer to set things up while the service is going on)
2007-03-03 14:31:12 · answer #5 · answered by Gabrielle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you think visiting the church could be re-traumatizing for you? If so, it's probably not worth sacrificing your mental equilibrium for an hour of church time. Go to the party afterwards, and if you don't think being in the church service will be manageable, skip it.
And tell her you have other plans for Sunday morning.
^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^
2007-03-03 14:21:55 · answer #6 · answered by NHBaritone 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God isn't dissatisfied in you. you're incredibly much as good as each person else interior the international. God welcomes you back with open palms, no count number what proportion circumstances you slip away. It happens to all and sundry, me and all and sundry i recognize. Ask forgiveness and repent. while you're honest, you're forgiven. it somewhat is God's grace. His love is previous what you may think of. as quickly as you have asked God for that forgiveness, He has placed it in the back of Him. yet you maintain stressful approximately it. in case you harmed yet another individual and could ask their forgiveness then to your consciences' sake do it; if no longer, then do extra suited interior the destiny... all individuals Christians are works in progression. Being stored is significant, yet asking forgiveness on a regular basis retains us loose from sin. do no longer think of that the great patriarchs of the Bible have been all suited adult males... Abraham lied, Moses replace right into a murderer, David had a guy killed to have his spouse... the beat is going on for many others. in basic terms Jesus Christ replace into able to stand up to sinning. If guy ought to stay without sinning we would not choose a savior. examine a million John. (no longer John a million) that's a letter to a church that had fake instructors asserting they had to be suited to be worth of God. John gadgets them directly. we choose Jesus to make us proper. Forgiveness is for the asking. Your tale would be written, even if that's merely merely commencing up. Jesus died for us, because of the fact all of us will fall short.
2016-12-18 14:50:06 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth, that you had bad experiences attending her church, and you prefer not to attend. Besides that you are a grown woman now, and no longer have to sit in a closet, if you do attend. The call is yours.
2007-03-03 14:30:08 · answer #8 · answered by ignoramus_the_great 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur dad isnt getting any younger and wont be with you forever ... go for his sake and forgive the past ...
2007-03-03 14:21:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell them you dont believe in god
2007-03-03 14:22:11 · answer #10 · answered by trysssa999 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋