Discipline?

Question

My dad is a kind, funny, and sociable kind of guy. Sometimes, though, he hits me when I mess up. One time, I made a dent in the wall of my room by accident and he got angry and came up to my room. He yelled and me to opent he door and when I did, he hit me with the piece of wood he was holding. He pushed me to the floor and continued to yell and said that if I told anyone, there'd be worst punishments. He also smacked me once for swearing, thought it wasn't at him or anyone in perticular. My mom, grandma, and everyone else in my family thinks it was the right thing for my dad to do. Is this the normal way that every parent disciplines their kids and I should just accept that?

He did later apologize to me, but there seems to be some hostility between us.

I'm 13 for the person who asked and is there anyway for me to change him, without having him leave? I can't talk to my mom or anyone in my family because they think my dad is right and my dad thinks so too. My dad even says he will hit me again if he has too.

I don't have any wounds or bruises. My grandma told my dad to make sure he doesn't hit me too hard, or he might have to pay a lot to go to the doctor's or something.

Answer 1

This is an issue that needs to be discussed with a counselor. Different families use different methods. And here's a hard truth: Parents are not always right. I think your dad does care, but his dad was probably the same way so he's parenting the only way he knows how.

However, I think you need to speak with both your parents calmly and sincerely. Tell him this really bothers you and that you want it to change.

Answer 2

Hon, I don't think that this is a healthy way to discipline any child. No child should be hit anywhere near the head as a punishment. Also, from what I'm gathering you're not really a kid (meaning probably over 12), and after 12, hitting a child only causes resentment between parent and child.

You need to talk to your parents, calmly and respectfully. Express that the way that your dad is currently disciplining you is causing you to have fear and distrust towards your father (because threatening a child is NOT acceptable). Let him know that as a mature individual, you deserve to have an appropriate punishment for the crime.

If that doesn't work, you may want to talk to a third-party (meaning a counselor, aunt, uncle, or close family friend who's an adult) and explain how you're feeling. Your dad may have threatened you against telling, however he only did this because he probably knows the way he's dealing with punishments is wrong. Don't be afraid to confide in a trusted adult for counsel and help.

Feel free to message me if you need further advice.

-Sarah

Answer 3

By hitting you, he is telling you that violence is an acceptable way to settle an argument or teach someone right from wrong. It is absolutely, totally and morally wrong to hit another person unless in self-defense.
If you have any physical injury, such as a bruise or welt, from his hitting you, then you are being physically abused. Telling you that punishment will be worse if you tell anyone is mental abuse. Since your family supports his methods, I'd speak to a clergyman, school counselor, teacher, or some other professional and ask their advice.
You have every right to ask the police to investigate, but you must also consider the consequences in that decision. Filing a police report could wind up in a situation that you might not really want happening. If he hits you frequently, there is a chance he might also be hitting other people, also.
He does not sound like "a kind, ... sociable kind of guy" to me!

Answer 4

particular, i'd self-discipline my babies, yet there are 2 diverse procedures. Verbal and bodily. Verbally, with a at as quickly as tone with exact clarification why they're getting self-discipline and what outcomes come after that. bodily i would not do it, "except" if mandatory, the farthest i'd circulate would be a standard smack on there palms, or a "long timeout". As growing to be up, i replaced into disciplined in the two procedures, yet I knew in my recommendations basically the certainty of a be certain to baby communicate for doing something incorrect replaced right into a frightening feeling and a shameful one at that. So, I under no circumstances fairly have been given bodily disciplined to lots, because of the fact a verbal self-discipline replaced into undesirable adequate. it may variety for many mom and dad available, some self-discipline, some dont. i think of without self-discipline, you're actually not putting and occasion besides as a commencing place on your baby/babies. i wish this shines some easy on your question.

Answer 5

there is a difference between discipline and abuse. I ve gotten spanked before and idefinitely deserved it. So take a look back did you deserve the discipline you got? For me swearing was unacceptable so was making dents in the wall. If i put a dent in the wall I was probably doing something I should not have been doing. That being said if the dicipline is excessive to the point you have bruises and need medical attention then you may want to share this with another family member. You must be Honest !

Answer 6

Does he drink? He sounds like he either has a drinking problem or an anger problem. Unfortunately, you are at the brunt of all that. That's no good. Being an abusive family is hurtful. Don't ever think that it is normal. Hitting someone is not ever okay. Even if what you did was bad. That is not how to be disciplined, and he can actually get arrested for it. Don't ever hit back, as the last thing you want to get into is a fist fight with your dad.

Is there someone you can talk to?

Answer 7

A smack for a swear is only as severe as the smack itself. If it did damage, it's abuse; otherwise, it may have been shocking or uncalled for, but not abusive.

The instance with the piece of wood however, is entirely different. It was completely inappropriate.

This is not to say that your father is a bad person, but it is inappropriate behavior to physically punish anyone so harshly. And the threat about you telling anyone only leading to worse punishment is very alarming.

Maybe he should take anger management classes, but I would be careful about mentioning it to him. You should probably let someone know. A little physical punishment is just how some parents work, and as long as it's not frequent or damaging in any way, physical or mental, I don't have a problem with it. But once it gets abusive or looks like it might get abusive, it's no longer normal and something should be done.

Answer 8

I can appreciate the fact that you love your dad, or you would not have started this by explaining his virtues first. But you also know that his behavior toward you is wrong.

If you go to the police, then your dad is in deep ****, talking to your mom or other immediate family members is out, they seem to support him.

Do you have a church that you attend? or one that a close friend attends? talk to the pastor/priest/rabbi there. the never turn away anyone.. You don't have to be a member, they are born listeners.

explain what is happening, that you don't want you dad to go to jail or anything, you just want it to stop.. and you don't know how. But you need to realize, if it doesn't stop, you need to call the police. He can apologize all he wants.. not good enough.

He is trying too teach you that violence will correct problems. Violence doesn't solve anything.

And he hasn't convinced you of that yet, or you wouldn't be questioning his actions.

Make sure the clergyman understands that you just want your dad to get counseling. If that doesn't help, you will have to go to the police.

Just a note... when my son was swearing.. I put soap on his toothbrush... lol Mission accomplished... he's 30 now, still will not cuss in front of me!

Answer 9

Hell no! He shouldn't be hitting you. Resorting to violence is sign of illegitamacy. If your dad really was a good leader, he wouldn't need to hit you in order to prove that he was right. Your other family members are crazy. Maybe he hits your mom too and she doesn't want ot upset him. U should talk to your school couselor and see what he/she has to say. No one should hit anyone. I'm sure that when your dad gets older and you are in your 20's and 30's he won't want you to hit him when he does something that you don't like.

Answer 10

Every parent is different. There is no normal form of discipline. If you are asking if your father abused you, it's not easy to form an opinion based on just what you wrote. I will say that if your father yells at you or talks down to you regularly, that is emotional abuse. If he puts bruises on you regularly, that is physical abuse. If this was a one time incident, try to understand where your dad was coming from and learn your lessons. If you really feel that you are being abused, you can and should talk with someone like a counselor at school.