I walked in on my 14 year old daughter...............?

Question

having oral sex with her 17 year old boyfriend. What to do?

I didn't know she had a bf. And i was at the mall. I would never ever let her have a 17yr old bf! And my husband was home!!!! I will talk with him!!!!!!!!!!!! He was asllep when i came home and was on the other side of our huge house!!PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

Never let her out of your sight again!!!! If that were my daughter, she wouldn't be doing anything with out parental supervision until at least the age of 16 and only ONCE she has earned our trust back. She is playing a dangerous game, step up to the plate, and stop this madness.

Good Luck

Answer 2

If she was giving him oral sex in the house with you there it WASNT the first time. Why are you allowing her to date a 17 yr old, what could they possibly have in common?

Why was he allowed past the livingroom?

I would put a stop to it, tighten her freedom for a long while, unless you like the term " grandma" or "nana"

Go to the dr, get her tested, I would get her on the shot if you arent gonna take any other action.

EDIT:

Yes I would be having a LONG talk with my husband. If he could not stay awake to make sure he knew what was happening in his house, I would go to the mall when the kids were at school, or with me.

I would # 1 call the boys mother, tell her you would like to come see her, Dont do it on the phone...... Tell her what you saw , talk about how you both feel.

#2 take her to the dr. Get her checked, and tell them why .

# 3 tighten her freedom know where she is and what she is doing 24/7. Give her no free time until she EARNS it. Trust is something that needs EARNED once it is lost.

#4 I would stess to the boy that YOU WILL HAVE HIM ARRESTED. Check with the police, if she is 14......... and he is 17 that may still be in the limits to at least put the fear of god in him if nothing eles.

He does not respect her or he would never ask or let her do that in your home. If she gets pregnant I BET your he would not be there. And girls that age would see getting pregnant as a WAY YOU WOULD HAVE TO LET THEM SEE EACH OTHER. Make it clear that this is not the case.

Answer 3

So everyone is like why does she have a 17 year old in her room and blah blah blah.... bad parent...... blah blah blah.The truth of the matter is you can not always know what your daughter is doing where she is and who she is hanging out with for certain. Need I remind people the kind of behaviors we had when we were kids and the things we were able to get away with. Unfortunatly for us todays society is alot worse and the only thing we can do for our kids is the same thing our parents did for us.......Try to educate them.......because that is our job. So If that were my daughter first I would get pissed off....(natural reaction). Second I would sit down and talk to her about why this is not acceptible behavior and let her know why....(and we all know why lol). Third I would acknowledge the fact that she is becoming sextualy active and I would get her on some sort of birth control and emphasize all the negatives that come with being sexually active i.e. aids, STDs, Pregnancy, Life as a single parent and so on and so forth. Last but not least I would watch that girl like a hawk.

Answer 4

well that HUGE house isn't playing nice now is it, what should you do, throw the boyfriend out, sit down with your daughter and have the talk you should have already had with her, but i can see how hard that must have been since her room is most likely on the other side of your HUGE house, maybe a smaller house is what you need, why do you have to have a talk with your hubby, most daddy's would have been more aware if there daughter was alone with a 17 year old boy, i pity the boy who even asks my daughter, your family needs therapy, atleast some new communication skills

Answer 5

have a serious talk with her. She is way to young for any kind of relationship like that. I am 23 and at 14 that was the futherest thing from me doing. Iw as out shopping and hanging out. And why do you let her have a 17 year old bf anyway. Do you want to be a grandmother or what. YOu and you daughter need to sit down and yoou need to let her no the rules of what is right and wrong before she is the school slut

Answer 6

There's probably not much you can do to stop her - I know you don't want to hear that, but it's true. If she wants to do it she will, forbidding her from seeing the boyfriend will only send her running into his arms. Teenagers are like that, they do it just to 'show you'. And yes, I do think the boy is responsible on some level, he's quite likely pushing her to become more sexual.

We may not have thought about sex at 14 but children grow up much faster these days. Talk to her about sex, tell her about STDs and press that most can be spread through oral sex - even AIDS. Inform her about condoms to prevent the spread of STDs and birth control, but remember to tell her the pill doesn't stop her from getting AIDS. Also throw in there, that women who start having sex before 18 (or have multiple sex partners) have an increased risk of getting cervical cancer.

Then, try to get it in her head, hard as this is going to be, that she must stay young as long as possible, there's no rush and in four or five years she can have a happy, healthy and most important responsible sex life in a stable, loving relationship. Also explain to her, that promiscuity is damaging to her physical and emotional health.

Do tell her about the positive sides of sex though, but always stress that sex is best when it's practiced in a loving, mature relationship, which has proven itself. Tell her, that if the boy really loves her (and she probably thinks he does, and that's why she did what she did) he wouldn't pressure her into sex, and would happily wait until she's ready.

And try, try for all it's worth, while you're explaining all this to her, not to sound judgmental or talk down to her (as we tend to do with kids). Stay calm and talk to her like the adult she obviously thinks she is.

Good luck, this is a tough one to deal with. Being harsh, and grounding her for life, and screaming and what not, will probably not work, this will only confirm to her that you do not understand how 'mature' she is and that you don't understand this 'wonderful' relationship she's in at all.

Answer 7

Now i'm just judgin based on a few things so if this is not rue hen ignore it, but from what i can see and what u said:
i.e. ur nickname on this is Hotmama - not appropriate for a mom
u were out shoing at the mall w/out ur daughter or hubby - not very family oriented
u didnt know that ur daughter is daiting some1 much older than her and probably in a different school than her - u dont really pay much attention to ur daughter - which is what she needs especially at her age
u have a huge house - u r probably a rich family and the stereotype of rich people is that their children always get screwed up on drugs and sex and the children also hate their parents and probably sneak out the house to go 2 arties every night
ur husband was in the house but didnt know anything bout ur daughter and her boyfriend - he is also not very family oriented or just really stupid and naive

i think that u and ur husband need to sit down with ur daughter and talk to her. ask her y she has a 17 yr old boyfriend then ask her if theres somehting thats been bothering her. then check her room completely - check for any drugs or alcohol or even condoms. then bring ur daughter to the doctor to get checked for any stds. meanwhile kee a constnt watch on ur daughter and never let her go anywhre with out u knowing the who? what? when? where? and why? even then u will robably need to follow her.
make sure u talk to that boy also and talk to his parents. if he doesnt have any parents or if his arents are druggies or whatever, ur husband should beat the $hit out of that kid and threaten him to never even look at ur daughter again or else!

u should also talk to ur daughters teachers or peers and find out if ur daighter has been acting strangely or something.

if u need anything just email me.

p.s. im sry if i insulted u but this is the harsh truth (that it if my observations are true.)

Answer 8

Ok this is a bad situation. Your husband should have been supervising your daughter better. Now that you know what she is up to you need to take her to the doctor and have them do a complete physical. Also have her get the cervical cancer vaccine. Have a talk with her about appropriate behavior.I would take away some of her privileges and insist that she does not see or talk to this guy again. Good luck I think that you have a tough job ahead, but nobody said that parenting was easy.

Answer 9

i have to agree with most of the others who answered this..... you as a parent need to be more involved and not let your 14 year old daughter have boyfriends that old. But since you have and they have already began having a sexual relationship, then you need to get her to a clinic and get birth control and you need to sit her down and explain that oral sex is not safe sex. It would be great if you could slap her hand and tell her not to do it again but chances are she will!! So educate her now and try not to give them the opportunity to do it again. Boyfriend needs a good talking to also and maybe his parents need to be informed also. That is the worse thing about sweet little angels.... they grow up good luck you have rough roads ahead.

Answer 10

First of all, she shouldn't have been alone in order to do that. Secondly, I don't think the age is such an issue, as long as all parents are okay with it. I dated a guy who was 17 when I was 14. But I was also never allowed to be alone with him until I was 16. But teenagers are going to do what they want regardless of how you feel about it. It's just a part of growing up.