How do I stop my son from coming into my bed??

Question

Hi, I have a 7 yr old and a 4 yr old sons. They share a room, in fact, insist on sharing a double bed. The problem is that the 7 yr old wakes up and always comes into our room. At first it was in the middle of the night and we wouldn't even notice. Now he is in our room by 11 or 12. No matter how many times you bring him back, he wakes up the minuteyou budge from his bed and says he is scared. We cant let him "cry it out" because he will wake up his brother, also he is genuinly terrified. This is killing my husband and I, we cant read or sleep or have any privacy. Not to mention that I will be having a baby in about 2 weeks. What can we do to stop this??

Answer 1

This is very common and it is just a phase.
Try going through the room with him at night and find out what it is that is scaring him. Are there shadows, toys or any noises? Eliminate the obvious. Try talking to him about his new upcoming role as a big brother "again" and perhaps find out if he feels that he may lose the connection with you and his father because of the new arrival. Congratulations by the way!
Make a routine with him where he does the bathroom duties with his younger brother; brushing hair/teeth, washing face/hands, etc. and then you can read them a story or 2 and have them tell you about their day and keep only the happy memories in mind before falling asleep. Make him aware that he is the older brother and that perhaps he should be a bit more brave, for his little brother may then begin to pick up on his fears. So, time is crucial.
When he goes into your room/bed at night, immediately walk him back to his room and put him to sleep there. Don't allow him to sleep and then move him; he needs to understand the concept of the routine.
I hope that things work out for you but I can not offer anything else. I would only suggest that you remain very persistant with this matter and the phase will pass once he finds it no longer works out for him.

Answer 2

My daughter went through this, but she was much younger. What I did was I made a small little bed with a quilt and a pillow next to my side of the bed. I told my daughter that if she got scared in the middle of the night, that she could come and lie in her little bed on the floor next to mom and that everything would be OK. She did use the bed every night for about a week and then on and off for about a month. Pretty soon I noticed that she was coming into the room less and less and then she finally stopped coming in at all. Its a phase and most kids go through this. One thing, you need to make him sleep in his own bed, not with his brother. He has got to learn to comfort himself and put himself back to sleep. Make sure that there is a nightlight in the room, that he is warm in bed, has gone to the bathroom, has had a drink of water, the stories have been read, etc. etc. Its going to be a fight and will try your patience, but I think if you stick to it, you find him sleeping in his bed eventually. Good luck.

Answer 3

Since your son is 7, he should be able to be reasoned with. Talk to him about it during the day, when he's not in a desperate state. Also, try to address the reasons he's so terrified at night. Is he watching certain tv programs that could be scaring him? Perhaps putting a nightlight by his bed or a 2 way baby monitor he can contact you on will make him feel better. I would think at 7, you could explain privacy to him in general terms and he'll understand. Good luck!

Answer 4

There are several books on getting children to sleep by themselves. And many of them are very controversial, so this is obviously a very emotional topic for people. We "Ferberized" our child when she was about six months old. Contrary to popular description, it is NOT letting the child "cry it out." You go back, every time, but you make the child wait a little longer each time. For example, let the child cry for a minute and then calm them. Then let them cry for two minutes and go in and calm them. Then 3 minutes, etc. The child learns that you WILL come, but they have to really want it to keep crying that long. Sooner or later, fatigue sets in and they sleep on their own, in their own bed. To this day, our daughter is a "great sleeper" and happy and well adjusted. It's not "child abuse" as some would say. In fact, NOT helping the child learn how to sleep on his/her own and depriving yourself and your other children of sleep IS a real problem. It's not easy at first, but it really works and you will all be thankful once the initial few nights are over and the child is sleeping well.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 5

Wow... My husband and I have always allowed our children to come into our bed and sleep between us whenever they wished.... so, I can't even comprehend this... seriously.

I still have a 12 yr old son and at times a 17 yr old daughter who choose to sleep in our room a lot of the time. Especially when their father is working out of town.
**Might be our comfy down feather bed...??
Regardless, we have raised very emotionally healthy, attached and happy young people. :o)

There are so many more important things in this life to make a "deal" about.... I doubt they'll be sleeping with you forever.

Good Luck!!

Answer 6

First i would try and find out what it is that is scaring him. Is there somthin in the day that he is seeing on tv etc that is triggering these dreams. Then i would try to empower him. Find somthing that is going to make him feel like he has the upper hand when it comes to his dreams. Maybe buyin a special toy that fights monsters. maybe if he twitches his nose it changes the channel, meaning he is decideing what he dreaming about. He says I dont like this dream so I am going to dream of a different one. Maybe not giving him the choice of getting into your bed. As soon as you hear him stirring run in and confort him. Wake him up if he has not awoken yet. Tell him what is going one and wisper sweet things. Dream of trucks, fire trucks, etc..

Also have a talk with him before he goes to bed. Explaining that he is going to stay in his bed. What you are going to do if he wakes up. And explaining how things are going to change once the little one arrives. I hope this helps, it is hard trying to find that one thing that works for that child. They are all different. Good luck and Good health to your family.

Answer 7

my daughter is 6 and 99% of the time ends up in my bed. I figure she will stop when she is ready. Im 19 weeks pregnant. Im divorced so im in bed alone so I dont have an issue with it.

She has always mostly slept in my room due to severe apnea , not as bad now but still happens some. I actually sleep better when she is in my room.

Answer 8

Tell him that this isn't okay, that mommy and daddy need their bed and tell him that your brother needs him to stay with him. That's the best I can do, but when the baby comes and it is sleeping in your room there is probably going to be more issues with that. You might want to lock your door at night.

Answer 9

Nightlights, "monster spray".......you'll hear a lot of suggestions.

The main thing is to find the source of his anxiety and find a way to deal with it. Is he watc, hing inappropriate tv? Does he think there's a monster in the closet? Heck, after watching "Unsolved Mysteries" as a child, I thought aliens were going to abduct me!

Could you maybe move him to the couch while you're trying to figure out what's wrong with his room? With a new baby on the way (which could be contributing to his anxiety), I know you need your space! Good luck!

Answer 10

maybe you should try leaving the light on while he sleeps and ask him why he's scared. then sleep in his bed for a night and let the younger brother sleep in your bed. then the second night move to the couch and sleep there. he might be jealous of the baby or needing of your presence.