how do i break up with him without hurting him?

Question

He's a real cool kid, but I soon realized that it wasn't love. There is just no spark in the relationship, like there was with my last boyfriend. is it true that theres no love like your first love? or is this "spark" something you grow out of? i dunno, but i need to end this relationship.

Me and mah boi got in a fight today, no not a hitting fight, but just a disagreement. i was really close to breaking up with him, but he did everything he could to make sure i didnt, so i didnt. but i do NEED to. but i still want to be friends. but there is no excuse lamer than "lets just be friends", and i dont want to use that. but if i break up with him, i know he'll be crushed. is there any way to convincing him that breaking up is a good thing? ahah should i just try to "turn him off" as much as i can so he'll have no choice but to break up with me? or should i confront him, tell him how i feel, and be done with it? please help!

thank you for the advice so far,
but can you please give an example of what to say?

Answer 1

You can't. Just do it, get it over with. Just tell him the truth that you just aren't feeling it as a relationship, but would like to remain friends. The longer you prolong it, the worse off it will be. And, maybe it's not a good idea to offer to be friends. Sometimes that's even more of a blow to the person being broken up with. Sometimes, they just want to move on from you. Don't have the need to be friends just because you are guilty also.

Answer 2

Don't try to figure out a way to push him away from you. If he figures out that is what you did, he will resent you and the relationship. Rather than trying to get him to break it off with you, realize that sometimes we have to do things that are the best for us. It is okay to stand up for yourself. Be confident in what you know is the BEST for you! Yes, the reality of this is that you may hurt him. The truth is that sometimes you may have to in order to be the best woman you can be. Don't take the easy road and try to get leave you. Be strong. Sit down with him and tell him honestly what is going on. Simply explain that you've been doing some serious thinking and that even before the fight you didn't see this going anywhere. Tell him that and tell him you are sure that this is what YOU need to do in order to be happy. Don't give him lines like "oh, but you are really nice!" Just be honest. Tell him you don't feel it anymore. Remember, there's a girl out there for him that does have that spark with him. You are doing him a favor if you leave him when you realize you aren't that girl.

Answer 3

Hey... I have lots of experience with HARD HONESTY.

This is what you do. The next time you see him in person, and it's isn't a date or something (You want the freedom to leave as soon as possible after), you need to say this exactly:
"Hey ______. There has been a problem that has been bothering me for a while. You are a great guy, but I am not feeling a gut-level attraction for you. There is really no point for us to be together if I only like you as a friend. You will get hurt and it will be because of me and weird emotions that you might feel. I DO like you as a friend and will understand if you aren't cool with this, but it needs to be done."

This is all... Try to keep it as closely worded to this as possible. These words will be completely honest and won't hurt him in the wrong wasy. The way he DOES get hurt will help him to realize that the girl must like him more than a friend to want to be in a relationship. he will know it's not his fault really, just that it didn't work. It's firm and there's really no way for him to argue.

(If he's a weenie, he will try to BECOME attractive. This has an 80% chance of failing, but you can't really avoid it... you just need to say those words above and MEAN them.)

Good luck,
Franklin

Answer 4

Three important rules for breaking up
Dont put off breaking up when you know you want to
Prolonging the situation only makes it worse
Tell him honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly
Dont make a big production
Dont make up an elaborate story
This will help you avoid a big tear jerking scene
If you wanna date other people say so
Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected
Even if youve gone together for only a short time,
And havent been too serious,
Theres still a feeling of rejection
When someone says she preferres the company of others
To your exclusive company,
But if youre honest, and direct,
And avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you brake the news,
The boy will respect you for your frankness,
And honestly hell apeciate the kind of straight foward manner
In which you told him your decision
Unless hes a real jerk or a cry baby you will remain friends

Answer 5

Honey, there's no way he wont be hurt if you break up with a guy that really into you. But make him understand that you and him are meant to be just friends. He would get hurt but dont you think its better to let him know now instead of staying in the relationship knowing that deep inside you dont love him? It hurts more if you love someone and and you're not getting that love in return. Thats what he gonna feel is the relationship dont end now. So might as well do him a favor and make the pain shorter.

Answer 6

Honesty is the best policy for many reasons. If there is no spark and the relationship is going no where, just end it.
Tell him the truth, and move on.
We are all resiliant, and he will survive you breaking up with him.
It might take some time, depending on his feelings. But it will happen and he'll find someone, with whom, he can make sparks.
And hopefully you will to.
Yes, don't use that "We can still be friends" no guy likes that, and it doesn't work.

Answer 7

There is no guarantee that he won't be hurt. You are going to have to accept the fact that you may not be able to "stay friends". Usually when couples break up one or both are hurt, but that is just part of relationships. The worse thing you can do for both of you is to just keep dragging it out and waiting for the right time. Get it over with so that both of you can begin to move on.

Answer 8

you need to tell him how you feel. Just sop by his house or invite him over, and let him down easily. Tell him the truth because guys dont like to be lied too. Let him off easily. maybe say something like this. "ive been dong a lot of thinking latley, and theres been a lot on my mind. I use to really like you but for some reason that one spark isnt there. Its not you its me, and its not fiair to you if i keep on this way so I think we should see diffrent people. maybe in the future when i get everything back on track we can try it again." Something like that, because it whould still give the "i want to be friends" aspect buyt your not saying it. Well i hope i have helped and i wish you luck!

Answer 9

There is no way you can break up with someone and not hurt them. All you can do is be honest with them and yourself. They Willl be hurt but that wil not last long. Think of it this way if someone was going to break up with you would you want the truth or a lie.. In my opinion a lie hurts more than the truth.

Answer 10

If he really likes you, I don't think there is a very good way. I think it all hurts. But, I feel if you treat him in a nice gentle way, the break up should be more smooth, and less difficult to deal with. take care, and best wishes.