should i stay with my gf?

Question

a few months ago she cheated on me. in a very bad way. and i can't seem to forget it, or let it get out of my head. she keeps complaining that i keep bringing it up but i can't stop. i don't know how to deal with this. to add to the confusion she's pressuring me to move in with her and she is always saying how she wants to marry me, but i'm not ready for marriage or moving in together.

we have been together for two years.

any advice would be appreciated.

well i do love her. but every time she is late i do start thinking that she is with someone else. or when i come into her apartment how she quickly shuts down all the windows on her comp makes me wonder who she is talking to. plus i'm at work a lot so she has lots of time to herself
she did say she was sorry, and tried to make up for it, but i don't know if anything will.
the very bad way was that she went to a nearby city and had a threesome with two other people that she had barely even known. then she came back to her place and laid down in bed next to me as if nothing had happened. she gave me some lame excuse about a sleepover at a friends house. then i found out about it off of a website that i wasn't supposed to see. when i confronted her about it she cried but her first reaction was to try to close the browser. then she kept on talking to them after, when i asked her to stop she did. for a bit, then she started talking to the girl again behind my back

Answer 1

It takes a while to get over someone you love cheating with another, I do not know what the "very bad way" was but some things in my opinion are not forgiveable for example cheating with your best friend or your brother - there is no way she could not have known that cheating with those people would not crush you.

It is hard to get over someone cheating, its hard to learn to trust them again, every time they are late your mind starts creating scenarios about cheating with others (experience speaking lol) .
The question is.... Is she worth another chance? is she supportive of you, has she cheated before? Does she make an effort to talk with you and work on your relationship? Did she apologize and take steps to fix the situation and make sure it never happens again? Can you trust her?

You are the one who has to be comfortable with continuing the relationship, if you think you want to work things out then you need to do just that, talk it out and start getting over it and if you do not think you can work it out or that you will ever be able to trust her again then you need to let her know this and start moving on without her. It hurts for a long time before you get over it.... If she does it to you again then you need to think about protecting yourself and finding someone who will love and RESPECT you.

Just read your edit and wanted to add that threesomes are not a normal cheat and you should be tested for STD's if she met these people on the internet you have every reason to worry about her closing down windows when you get to her apartment. In my opinion she should NEVER have anything to do with the people she cheated on you with, maybe that makes me a b**** but how can you get over this when she still has contact with the people she cheated on you with... Reading between the lines I can feel the hurt and damage that has been done and I believe you deserve better.....

Good Luck

Answer 2

It sounds like she dosent realize how much that hurt you. Some people can "get over" the face that their partner would do such a thing, but realistically, most can't. I know I could never forgive my boyfriend for that, and we have been together for the same amount of time (2yrs). If you still really want it to work out I would give yourself some time to think things over and see how you feel. However, you never once mentioned that you love her and since you are questioning youself staying with her, I think you may have already decieded it is not going to work out. Be true to youself. Maybe your gf is feeling bad about what she did and now trying to make up for it by becomming even more serious, to see if you've really forgiven her. Either way, it sounds like she is too manipulative, and of course, untrustworthy. Find a nice girl. Good luck either way.

Answer 3

i can´t tell you to cut this relationship because you would be influenced by the pain you still have for what she done. You have to heal first in order to decide what you want to do with your life.
The important question is: do you love her? will you be able to forget everything and continue your life with her full of happiness?
I think that true love can do that. True love can erase any bad feeling. Give her a chance. Try to start from the beginning, building again trust because after love, it´s the base of a relationship. Don´t move in or get married until that happens because if you don´t, your life will become intolerable.
If you don't love her that much, then, move on.

Answer 4

Stop being scared you've been so violated that the joke is that she now what this whole committmnt from you...Please!!! You seem really hopeless..maybe shock still but if this doesn't seem right then just move on as much as it will hurt the feeling of being with a truthfull person is so much better than this. Hey you could be together for ten.. the feeling is not the same "so stop beatin' a dead horse to drink the water"

Answer 5

I have to say that i think you should break up with her. She cheated on you and you might be a little bit afraid that it might happened again. And if your not ready to get married or moving in with her don't. You should feel comfortable with the person who your with and if you don't and witch you don't I think you should break up with her so you can get out of your head that she cheated on you in a very bad way and if you can't let that go then it's not right to stay with your girl friend.

Answer 6

wow...I understand that you love your girl friend from 2 years....and that she badly cheated on you. I think you shouldn't stay with her...or if you do love her as much as you say, then you should try to talk to her some more about it, and if she still acting all suspicious when you going over to her place then just end it. There is no point to be in a relationship unless there is trust. Trust is the main opponent.

Answer 7

If you really love her, you'll find it in your hear to forgive her; which doesn't mean that you'll forget about it. But if you do love her, and you do understand what happen, you shouldn't be bringing it up every time you guys get into an argument. I think you should take time and reconsider. Try to talk to her, tell her how you feel, what's going on in your head. Let her know your fears. If you two really into each other, I believe you'll find a way to work it out. But don't do anything that you know you'll regret later. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

Wow. I am going through the same thing.
But, I moved my ex in. I never got over it and it hurt really really bad, because he never wanted to talk about it.
Then I found out she was calling him again and that hurt worse. So I kicked him out.
He loves me oh yess he does. And I love him, but I had to learn the hard way, how I DO NOT want to be treated. Learn the hard way. Its more comforting to you to know you tried.
Just wear a condom ok? Or she might bring you back something nice.
Oh and we have been together 6 years.
Love sucks - but what does not kill us will only make us stronger.

Answer 9

If you can't let go of the cheating, then you might as well move on. It's not fair for her to have it pushed in her face continuously. If you really love her, tell her you aren't ready to move in, but that you will go to couple's coaching with her to find out if it will be possible down the road.

Answer 10

In the grand scheme of things 2 years is not a long time, If you can't get over her mistake, than you'll never have a successful marriage either get over it, or get on with your life. Don't settle for her sake, your the one who will have to be stuck in a rut your whole life.
And not for nothing, never trust a cheater.