How long is the stage many toddlers go through where they cannot bare mummy to be out of sight?

Question

Our son is 20 months and in the last few weeks he has got into a dreadful state whenever his mummy goes out the room. I know this is a normal stage of development but it is stressful for my wife wh is expecting our second and gets no peace from him and for me - as I also love to play and bond with my son but it is very hard to get him to settle to anything if mummy is in the house. Even when she is at work he will ask constantly for her all day long, I know this is to do with him having minimal concept of time. It would be good to know of other parents experiences of this phase, how long it went on for and if anyone had and novel ways of dealing with this difficult time. Thanks.

Answer 1

Children really don't get through this stage by themselves, there has to be a little bit of a push to get them through this stage. Most children are kept by their mothers, and so they grow very attached to them because they are so used to Mommy giving them everything they need; food, attention, care, changing of diapers. The best way to actually get them out of this stage, is when ever Mommy leaves, and the child starts to cry for her, then occupy the childs time, by distracting them with a toy, or giving them attention. The child will still a cry a little bit at first, but once he gets used to Mommy leaving and another Parental figure being there, they will help Mommy out of the door.
My neice went through this stage for about a month when she turned about 28 months. Whenever my sister would leave my house without her she would just cry for her, till she found out that Uncle was fun to play with and could do everything Mommy could.

Answer 2

Ah, the dreaded velcro baby! It can go on for awhile. It is just something you have to deal with for right now. I can't tell you how long it will be before he stops wanting mom all the time, every baby is different. You playing with him while mom is gone and keeping him occupied is good. Maybe when mom is at work, you could have a set time of the day that he could call her on the phone and talk to her for a minute or two, if it won't upset him too much. On my hubbys days off, he used to bring our daughter to pick me up for lunch and that was fun for all of us. Just hang in their mom and dad, it will pass and then some other really fun little toddler thing will come up that you will have to deal with. Ah, the joys of parenthood. LOL

Answer 3

I'm a stay-at-home mom and my son started this phase around age 1 and he'll be four this April and still has it. He goes to Head Start now and for the first two whole months he cried every day. Now he only cries occasionally, but most days I have to stay a few minutes with him at his table before I leave. If I don't sit with him a few, he chases me out the door and grabs onto my legs. This may not be healthy at his age, but I kind of like him still needing me.

Answer 4

usually it happens around a year old but I think every child is different. My first daughter responded well to the suggestion of doing something nice for mum or making a surprise... it seem to get her mind of me not being there but still let her do something for me ie. making a craft or card. My 2nd daughter whom is just over a year now is going through it and she screams whenever either of us is not right beside her.... try having mum play peek a boo with him so that he starts to learn permanance... that is that he will learn that when mom leaves she will be back and generally this will help him to deal with seperation... it seems simple but I found it worked with both of mine. He could also be experiencing a little jelousy with mummy being pregnant... My oldest was just his age when I was pregnant and she was protective of me as well as a little jelous that I had a little one in my belly. Best of luck because I know it's hard on the nerves.

Answer 5

I think that 9 years ago, when my first son was born, I was pretty much spoilt, & took it for granted that all babies were as placid as him, boy was I wrong......four years later I had my second little boy, what a nightmare he was, frrom day one you could just tell that he would be a hand full, he wouldn't go to anyone else, not for one second, and he was sleeping in the same bed as me every night, wakeing up every two hours for another bottle, this was continuous for 2 and a half years, (I'm not egsadurating when I tell you that for two and a half years800 and something days, that little monster was attatched to me day and night)
I finally got a break when my mother had them both over night, but because of his continuous waking up, she didn't do it again until he was out of that habbit. any way my point is that in my case there wasnt any novel way, it was a case of put up & shut up.
so there's my little story, I hope everything works out ok for you as it has for me, don't feel left out because your turn will come and the little tyke will be wanting only you, good luck with it .

Answer 6

i dont know how long this will last but constantly reasuring your little boy that mummy will be back will help he will learn that she hasnt left for good wave her off to work in a morning trying to make this a positive experience however hard and wait at the window when she is due home try not to get to streesed children pick up on this and it can cause them more upset

Answer 7

My son just turned 3 yesterday and he went through that stage for a few months too, what i would do is get one of his mums jumpers and have it beside us when she would go out. He would get the scent of her from it and would be comforted and at the same time, leave us two together for father and son bonding too.

Answer 8

sweety i am a mother of 2 5 and a 4 year old and my 2 year old has done that for about 1 year and yes its stressfull but around 3 they usely cut loose a little i no my 4 year old he dose cry when i leave but he calms back down my 2 year old girl oh she cryes till i come home the best thing is to take him out like to the park or a walk to get his mind off of her for a while then he will relize that his dad is alot of fun and he will start calming down good luck and god bless.

Answer 9

All kids are different. It can last a couple weeks, a couple months, or longer. What sucks is when you think this stage is over, it comes back again later. It is a reoccuring thing. Sorry, I know its not fun. My 4 year old sometimes still does it.

Answer 10

i have never gone through this with my child. I know my brother was like that untill he was five. it all depends on the child. try leaving for short periods of time (leave the room for five minutes then come back in) increase the time each time so he can see no matter how long mommy is gone she is always going to come back.