What to do about mother-in-law and husbands ex-wife?

Question

I have been married to my husband for 4 years and my mother-in-law still invites my husbands ex-wife to holidays and family gatherings.She knows this bothers me but she doesn't care.She even invited her to the hospital when I was having our baby.
She's always so nice to her but she talks crap about me and my sister-in-law all the time we don't know what we have ever done to her to make her treat us this way.She even takes the ex's side when it comes to my husband and that's her son.I just don't understand it.I told my husband that I didn't want to be around her anymore but I don't know if that's the right thing to do because I don't know if it is fair to my kids.

Answer 1

Wow... and I thought I had an evil mother-in-law. This one is totally up to your husband to resolve, he needs to be a man and take a stand in defense of his wife. The "ex" is not a family member, but a friend of the mom-in-law now... so if the mom-in-law is void of invitations to family functions the "ex" will be as well. If this was my mother, I would ask her to go visit the ex if she needed to see her that badly, not invite her to a family function and I would point out how much tension and discomfort it caused for everyone due to her presence. Only stating the obvious probably... hope it helps. Just keep smiling... :)

Answer 2

That is the oddest thing I ever heard of--I would take it as an immense displeasure with her son's choice in you---and she is proving it every chance she gets. It is terrible behavior. The kids have no idea what it is all about, so if you go, have fun and ignore it--if it bothers you, then don't go. Explain it nicely to your husband that it makes you uncomfortable and you no longer intend to endure it. Don't be mean, just tell him that you feel this is silly behavior and since she won't stop--then you won't go. Personally, I think you are bigger than all of this--go and ignore it--it is mom's event--she is an adult--she can do whatever she wants--even though it is really a terrible thing to do. Let the kids go--they probably don't get the whole issue yet--don't involve them--or go and stay one hour and leave politely. Or invite an old boyfriend to come along with you.--ha ha ha---just kidding. Smile, be nice and don't lose your cool--you aren't wrong to be mad, but in the grand scheme of things--be bigger and say " so what? "The lady has a huge problem that no one is prepared to do anything about--and you can't do anything either. Good luck

Answer 3

Wow, what a tough situation. I think you have every right to not want to be around her but that has nothing to do with the kids. I think the kids should be able see their grandmother. I also think your husband should tell her exactly how you both feel. And he should stand by you and not wanting to be around her. That is her son and maybe she needs a wake up call. Maybe some time away from you and her son, i.e. not talking to her as much will make her realize that she is so wrong, I mean, she's a woman, how would she feel if she were in that situation? And as far as the ex wife? Tell her to get her own life! Hope it works out, hang in there!

Answer 4

Your husband needs to be the one to tell her to quit inviting her. If she wants to maintain a relationship with his ex wife she needs to do that on her own time. If you have to start having holidays at your house so that you make the guest list.

Grandma needs to learn her place and if it is at the cost of not seeing her grandchildren in order to see the ex wife then that is the choice she makes but has to live with it.

Good luck!

Answer 5

My mother-in-law had the exact same thing done to her. She just let it go and I think that is absolutely crazy. You don't have to make a big deal and yell and cuss but something needs to be done.

And with your kids, you can almost guarantee that she is filling there heads with bad things about you. I've seen the exact same thing play out. Good Luck!!!!!

Answer 6

you cant do anything about the friendship between the two of them. however, the ex, should have the common decency to back off when your around. if your husband and she have children together, then you need to smile and be polite when the situation arises.

Answer 7

TELL HER THAT IF SHE INVITES THE EX, THEN YOU NOR YOUR HUBBY WILL BE AT ANY FUNCTIONS AT ALL. THIS WOMAN IS NUTS AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR HUSBAND PUTS UP WITH IT AND ALLOWS HIS MOM TO DISRESPECT YOU. AND THE EX SHOWING UP JUST BLOWS ME AWAY!!