Compassionate answers only please, take the time to read it carefully?

Question

I typically do not ask serious questions on here, except for recipes and such, but do not know where else to turn. It is lengthy and deep, but I would appreciate input.

A few facts first:
I am a well liked and respected member of my community, a single mom of an honor roll student who is thriving, and I am a closet alcoholic. I drink late at night to take a mental vacation from some really bad stuff that took place in my life. Its wrong, I know, but its how I medicate myself. (please no comments about AA and all that, my situation is a whole other issue)

Second fact, (will sound odd now, but if you have the patience to keep reading, will understand) I live in a very remote location, and have no close neighbors. Its not uncommon for me to run a load of laundry downstairs (stairwell is outside) in my undergarments, as I have no close neighbors, and a sufficient piece of land. I am basically quite secluded.

Okay, now for my dilemma. I recently recieved the devastating news that my handsome, loving, kind, soon to be father (due in 3 weeks) was severely injured in an anti tank mine in Iraq. Suffice it to say, that he has burns over 75 percent of his body, and has lost his eyes. We do not know if he will survive. When I recieved this news, I hit the wine pretty hard. I heard a noise outside my house, and in my drunken state assumed it was a bear or raccoon. I flung open the door, and went marching out with my shotgun (I only shoot in the air, never the animal) clad only in my bra and panties. To my dismay, the "noise" I heard, was friends, neighbors, and my daughters teachers staging a candlelight vigil. I was clearly drunk, holding a shotgun, and in my knickers. I know some might insert a laugh here (I certainly would) but am hoping by posting in this catagory I might find some compassion. I made some obscure excuse, grabbed my robe, and did the best my drunken mind would allow.

I am humiliated and horrified beyond belief. I feel such shame and sorrow that so many people who respect me and my daughter had to witness this behavior. It occurs to me, as I write this, that it is quite unbelievable, but it is true. I am devastated and do not know how to make ammends, excuses, explainations, etc. Even though I was drunk, I quickly recognized all of the mouth coverings, Oh my goshes, and uncomfortable squirming. Does anyone have any ideas how I can overcome this humiliation? For those of you just wishing to bash someone at their lowest point, have at it. I can take it-nothing could be worse than what I am going through. Those of you who took your valuable time to wade through this and help, God Bless! I thank you!

I meant to point out this gem is my nephew-I am not the one pregnant. He is only 21 years old

Answer 1

What is the question?



I think you're being too hard on yourself. You were distressed, worried, and not in a space for company (drunk or not)... and your friend, family, neighbors should have told you they would be coming out before they showed up at your door.

Answer 2

Oh man, that would have been so funny, seeing a drunk woman, in her undies with a scowl on her face and a shotgun in her hands, confronting a gang of candle holding do-gooders....seeing as though there's not really a question here, it's more an anonymous confession, this is made more apparent because it's posted in the religion section. By your tone, I don't think you want advice and I'm positive you don't want sympathy. Do you want people to tell you of similar situations to take comfort in the feeling that 'you're not alone'? Well guess what, you are alone! Pretty soon you'll be worse than alone. You'll have a crippled husband to look after....too bad if you don't want sympathy, because you have it from me. I just read that last sentence, sorry for being blunt, but that's my way of dealing with drastic change. Getting all the facts in the cold, harsh light free from any pointless niceties. What are you going to do? Besides keep drinking? Your life and your daughters life....your husband, blind, crippled, probably horribly disfigured....your daughter an honor student, you, the mother of an honor student, now the wife of a crippled war veteran. You can't run. The rest of your life has just now become virtually set in stone. Raising a kid and looking after a husband and there's no one but you to do it. If you haven't already noticed, I'm a glass is half empty kind of person, so maybe you'll take some satisfaction in the fact that I've overstated your predicament, and there'll be some lightening of your present outlook by rejecting my words. If this is so, then thank heavan for small mercies.

Answer 3

If no one else can see you then it doesn't matter what you wear. I don't see that as a complicating issue. Now your alcoholism is another matter. I was a drunkard for 15 + years and tried everything to quit drinking. The only thing that finally worked was to say the rosary. I have not had a drink in almost 5 years. I don't even miss it . I can sit in a bar 24/7 and not even be tempted to drink. Never even had withdrawal. How bout THAT? I get the feeling i am missing an issue but i don't know what it is but good luck. WELLWADAY , I HAVE PULLED SOME BONERS IN MY DRINKING DAYS TOO. But please don't beat yourself up about this .If I were you i would plant my feet firmly and say the rosary and start doing battle against the bottle. The virgin Mary promises that she will DESTROY vice. and i don't mean she will help you a little . She means it when she says DESTROY. You hold your head up and say the rosary and forget about what happened . You are still a classy gal. Say the rosary devoutly and you will have new life .Don't you DARE keep beating your self up. Just do something about it. Mary has been given power over the demon alcoholism by god .Use Her. and yes it is an actual demon. But these demons don't announce their presence like they used to. MGB

Answer 4

oh sweetie, how awful for you!
I can only imagine what you are going through right now. You must be in so much pain, and then to have this embarrassment on top of it.
First, know that alcoholism is a disease and it is treatable. I understand that AA may be out of the question for you, but perhaps you could speak to a physician about it.. you do need to talk to someone.. a counselor can help with the issues that led you to self-medicate.
I'm so sorry your loved one was injured in Iraq. My prayers are with you both at this time.
Know also that if your community was holding a candlelight vigil for your family, then they will be understanding in the incident you describe above. I'm sure many of them have gone through painful times, and you may just find that there are friends out there that will stand by you through this and because of what happened.
Don't worry so much about the embarrassment right now.. you have enough on your plate.

Give yourself a hug.. seems you've truly been through the wringer.

Answer 5

I guess I cant find the question

EDIT - I dint think that this is as bad as it sounds , so you hit low and had a few! big deal!

I have noticed that , if you let people question you ,you give them head start! but if you just go on about your stuff and pretend that nothing ever happened and if people confront you but you tell them strictly that it is not open for discussion , all will be well! it ends up under the rug! we are way to occupied with what people have to say and think about us , soo much judging ,so little compassion! you have nothing to be embarrassed about , honey just keep on trucking! concentrate on the good things in our life! better yet go out there and live YOURRRRR life!

just because someone falls here or there doesn't mean it is open for criticism !

Answer 6

Your friends and neighbors probably assume you were 'medicating' because of the situation with you father. You don't have to enlighten them. As for the gun, explain about a possible bear. You are grown and do not have to be ashamed of drinking if it does not interfere with your responsibilities.

Added: Your true friends will stick with you. It may work out best if others see your human side. "This, too, shall pass". I'm beginning to think that you are more worried about how you look to others than how you truly are. I don't see where you've done anything wrong. Hold your head up and let time pass.

Answer 7

First of all handle that OTHER issue asap. We all, have found ourselves
in some mortifying situations from time to time (and must admit that
yours is a real beaut). I would suggest a personal face-to-face apology
and explanation to relatives and close friends. In addition, a written
apology and explanation published in a local paper (spend some time
on making sure the wording is exactly right ) when you stick your
foot in the slop bucket, it ain't easy to get it clean.

Answer 8

firstly, the matter of going outside in your undergarments.. theres nothing wrong with that at all! i have a nieghbour who gossips in her dressing gown outside all the time,and no one bats an eye, and if i know im not going to be disturbed, i rarely get dressed at home. dont beat yourself up about it.
now to the matter that really concerns you. you already know why you drink, and that is the first hurdle in overcoming it. you are obviously a very smart woman, or you would find excuses for it. you need to focus on what is good in your life, and that will increase your self worth, as i think that you blame yourself for what happened to you. you have a right to be angry, but dont be angry with yourself, as that is a one way trip to self destruction. focus on what you have acheived, you raised your child to be a fully functioning, stable and promising young person. you did that on your own, no one else is responsible, so take full credit. dont be afraid to ask for help, talk to your doctor, he wont judge you, and can get you some counselling so that you can move on from the pain that engulfs you. i believe that once you can learn to let it out and grieve for the hurt placed upon you from the person or people who betrayed you, for causing harm to someone who you are supposed to love is indeed a betrayal, the need to forget will no longer be an issue. i wish you all the best, for you truly deserve all that is good and makes you happy. believe in yourself, the way that your baby believes in you. you can do this.

Answer 9

I guess I'm not quite sure what you're asking. You apparently already know that using alcohol to deaden or deal with feelings about your life is not a good thing so I have no comment for you. As to the second part, why is this an issue? You've already explained why you feel comfortable doing this.

Answer 10

If possible go directly to each person who was there and apologize, that you were over come with the situation with your dad and explain you got a little carried away with the wine that night and the nosie startled you. Apologize profusely and then forgive yourself. The Lord will also forgive you. I will pray for you and your family. God Bless