sibling rivalry?

Question

my 7 year old and 2 year old do not get on most of the time.....how can i help them to be friends??

impossible.....it must be the age, coz both of mine are boys!!

Answer 1

My brother was born 2 yrs after me.
I hated him,i did terrible things to him,like empty the ash trays in his eyes,and lots more nasty things.I can remember thinking as a little child,i hope he isn't staying for good.
He was a sickly child,and had a lot of attention,maybe this is the deep rooted reason for my jealousy.
Mum told me that they were afraid to leave him alone any where near me.
To this day and i am 60yrs old,we have never got on,even as adults.There is just me and my brother.
I suggest interacting with both children at the same time,and of course giving the older child special quality time with you when the younger one is in bed.I am sure in time they will be fine.Its just understanding the older ones jealousy.He probably feels threat end by the younger one,as he needs more attention than he does.Reasure him that the first born is the special child who cares for, and helps to teach the younger one.Tell him you don't know what ever you would do without his help and love for his brother.Good luck!

Answer 2

You must give them both plenty of love and attention. Try not to favour or compare them (it won't be easy) What you have is a bit of sibling rivalry- quite normal.

They will need individual time with you, Family time for all of you and time together just the two of them. You can observe the latter without them knowing. If a squabble starts then they should both be corrected, if they play nicely, this is the important bit... lavish them with praise. After all they've been good boys.

So many parents either ignore the problem or go for the stick before the carrot. Try not to get hysterical yourself because shouting only proves who has the loudest voice.

It's not easy but stick with it and don't force the issue and eventually your hard work will have paid off

Answer 3

Check out:
Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too
by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

My mother used it for my siblings and me. I won't say we never fought but we got on most of the time.

Here is the Amazon Review:
With a title like this, it's no surprise that authors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish had a monster bestseller on their hands when the book first appeared in 1988. From the subsequent deluge of readers' stories, questions, and issues, they have created nearly 50 pages of new material for this, the 10th anniversary edition. The central message remains the same, and sounds almost too simple: avoid comparisons. But parents know that's easier said than done. The value of Faber and Mazlish's discussions is precisely that they talk you through umpteen different situations and outcomes to help you teach your brawling offspring a new set of responses. The highly informative text is punctuated with helpful summary/reminder boxes and cartoons illustrating key points. It's a must-read for parents with (or planning on) multiple children. But parents of young children who get along fine (so far) should read it too--as the authors make very clear, rivalry is inevitable. The only question is how to manage the rivalry with intelligence and compassion, and on that subject they offer a wealth of good advice. --Richard Farr

From Library Journal
Disciples of the late Haim Ginott, a child psychologist, Faber and Mazlish have conducted workshops on family relationships and co-authored Liberated Parents, Liberated Children (Avon, 1975) and How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (Rawson Wade, 1980). The present book states that sibling rivalry stems from jealousy similar to that a spouse might feel if asked to welcome another husband or wife into the household. It outlines ways to defuse such explosive situations as comparing, assigning roles, or taking sides and suggests specific remedies to avoid conflict. Cartoon-like illustrations and "quick reminders" help reinforce new behavior. A welcome assist over the rough times that too often leave lifetime scars. Suzanne Druehl, Little Rock Public Library, Ark.

Good Luck

Answer 4

OMG! I have this very same problem! I find myself asking them all the time, "why do you two have to fight about EVERYTHING?"

I have a 7 year old boy and a 4 year old girl. Maybe it's the age difference or it could even be that they are different sexes. I have no idea. I'm struggling to figure this one out myself! Wish I could be more helpful.

Answer 5

I don't know if you can at this age. Me and my sister have a five year age gap and when we were growing up we fought like cat and dog but now we are grown up we are best friends. I have two little girls who are only 13 months apart in age and they get on really good together (most of the time!) So i think it is like you say its a age thing.

Good luck and hope your sanity survives!

Answer 6

It happens. I have 3 year old twins and most of the time they get along, but they fight too. And I don't think there is a way to stop it, just let it take its course, one day they will be best friends.

Answer 7

encourage them , your seven yr old is old enough to be patient and understanding toward ur two yr old, i have an 8 and a 3 yr old the older adores the younger, and the younger puts up with the older so long as im not hugging him lol we get family hugs, when the 8 yr old has hurt i get the three yr old to come give a kiss to make him better, when the 3 yr old has hurt i get the 8 yr old to come kiss it better, i give them tasks to do together, we play games together as a family (chase, ring a rosy, hide and seek) each time we play i back out earlier, and them two play together longer, they get on great, one things for sure though they will grow out of it

Answer 8

Its just the way it goes. I never got on with my sister in all the time we lived in the same house, she has now moved to the other end of the country and we get on great!

Answer 9

You cant its nature thats the way life is. As they get older things will change guarenteed. Im the father of 5 believe me.

Answer 10

Nothing can make them get along .. its normal behaviour don't worry ... i have 3 sons and all they do is fight but if any of them are ever in trouble they are always there fighting their corner ...