How many parents would rather things occur under their own roof as safest?

Question

How many parents would rather things occur under their own roof as safest? be it theodd drink, joint or boy/girlfriend sleeping over post 16?

The idea with alcohol and say dope is most kids will do it anywhy and you cant police them 24h.

this way you can set boundaries as to how far they can go and teach responsible use inc the sex.


Sex is not immoral especaiily with a serious partner.


And the law is not always realitic or just.

The main thing sex wise is if say bf wanted to go further then duaghter wanted. She just has to walk out, call for parents if guy wont stop or operate a hidden panic button or weapon say in head board

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Ok looking at comments...


Firstly sex and morality...

Rape is immoral as non consentual

Boyfriend girlfiend sex is moral as about affection and love etc.

Not having a boy/girlfriend = extreame depression, no confidence, few mates, all upset and suicidal, annorexic and severe realtioship porblems in future. (have first hand exp)

Most of those I knew who had strict parents. their kids are either now a mess or got pregnant
Parents of mates who were easy going ... their kids turned out fine, successful and happy.


I base opinions on combination of two.


I know one mate whos parent as he entered teenage, gave him a little of several drinks along the lines of trybthis, this is vodka, etc (ie taster) to take away the mistery and like now you know, big deal and in morning... now thats a hangover.Mate didn't really drink much till well over 18 & never became a yob & was successful as did those with hippy parent

None let their kids do anything they wanted, but broaght them up to do the things all do in a responsible manner and controlled way.


Several inc own sister ended up marrying those who slept over

Answer 1

I would. I can keep an eye on things better, and I know what I'm up against, what they are doing.

Answer 2

Well, you have certainly stirred up a nest with this one! I understand your thinking however, You in my opinion have made an error in judgement. Here is why. Under age kids allowed that freedom with your permission will more than likely be much more easily swayed to do what you've already condoned anywhere they please.

We can't watch them every minute. What we can do is instill in them solid moral values and pray that they learn them. I am raising my 3rd teenager now and so far haven't screwed any of them up.

Each of them knew what sex was, how to prevent pregnancy and how I feel about it morally. They also knew that if they even thought a relationship was headed that way it was ok to ask for decision making when it came to prevention and what consequences to expect if a pregnancy should occur. Because of open non-threatening lines of communication and a good sense of values instilled at a young age, I didn't become a grandmother till my oldest had been married for 2 yrs. My 17 yr old daughter is on the pill but says she hasn't yet.

As for the Occasional illegal drug? Do you really want to go to jail? Contributing to OTHER peoples kids as well as your own? Get real.

As far as drinking? If you want to let YOUR kid have a drink with dinner, that is your business, just make sure they know the statistics and what alcohol abuse can do to your brain. A person can be genetically inclined to be an alcoholic. Make sure they know that. I have let my kids taste alcohol if someone was having a drink and we do allow them to have a glass of wine at special occasion dinners.

Let them know you are a safe place to come to or call if they get in trouble but don't ask for it. I guess the best way in my opinion is WWJD?

Answer 3

Nope. Bad idea. I am not going to do it. I won't make it easier for them. A friend of mine thought like that. So all the kids went there to party. My friend hung out with them and even bought them stuff. Later that night she went to bed and thought the kids were a sleep. She woke to hysterical parents at her door. 4 of the kids were in the critical care unit. They left after she had gone to sleep and got in a wreck. Hmmmm, I wonder what she said to thos parents whos kids could be dying? Do ya think she said it was going on under my own roof so I thought it would be safe. I have not talked to her in a few years and I just never really brought it up. It is a bit of a touchy subject.
And The Moral Of the story is..........?

JD

Answer 4

This was the approach my father took with me and my step sister.
He thought he was a really cool liberal parent - We on the other hand thought he was a MUG.
We used our 'privileged' circumstances to run amok and cause havoc.
It didn't stop behind closed doors and we both got involved with shady manipulative boys who took advantage of the fact that we were the only girls in our area who were allowed boyfriends to stay over, smoke in the house etc (my dad would even buy us alcohol!)
I think this attitude to my parenting effected me later in life and still contributes to some of the emotional problems i have now - just because it is behind closed doors does not mean it is safe or that it stays behind closed doors.
It is lazy parenting - A good parent would categorically forbid these things from happening and would teach the child good morals, respect for oneself and restraint.
A good parent would teach a child right from wrong and would not encourage a child to grow up too soon.
The only positive things i can say about this method of parenting is that it gives me knowledge and experience of what works and what doesnt for when my own children are teens.

Answer 5

I personnaly think that it is better to give your children a little bit of independance and i would prefere my daughters to be having the odd drink or two at home rather than in the streets. or having boyfriends over to stay etc. As i was never aloud as a teen to do that and i had a baby at the age of 18 and thought drinking was really cool. If your children are allowed the odd drink or two then its not such a big deal when they are a teen. And if you allow their b/friends to stay then you know who their hanging out with and what they are doing. But obviously there is a line which you shouldnt allow them to cross. (drugs etc.) and make them aware of safe sex etc. (for over 16's) mainly.

Answer 6

Speaking as a parent of children who are now i their 20's. When they were in their teens sleeping with their girlfriend, well if they were in a long term relationship, then yes, drinking in the house with friends,if they were under 18 no, and even over that age I would have to be aware of what and who much they were drinking and who they were drinking it with my home is not a doss house! Illegal drugs,NO never.

Answer 7

Tough one
have raised to girls and have watched lots of other kids being raised and have paid attention to what happens.
This is my belief,
you need to talk to your kids lots ask questions know what is going on in their lives.
Different things can come out of allowing them to drink, party whatever at home.
One thing you need to realize though because you let them at home doesn't mean they will only do it at home.
Also to some kids letting them do it at home says it is OK to do it and can make way for other problems like addiction abuse etc. So no I personally don't think doing this necessarily makes it any safer..Lets

Answer 8

a lot of parents will answer yes to this. to me that is a poor response, mainly if it is prefaced by "well they're going to do it anyway". as a parent we have a responsibility to our children, and unfortunatley that means we sometimes have to say no to them, yes, they'll probably try to do it anyway, just as i did when i was a teenager, but that doesn't mean we should condone it. for instance if a 30 year old man wanted to have sex with your 15 year old daughter you'd probably kill him, so why would it be any different if the male was also 15. same goes for alchohol or drugs. a lot of parents want to appear to be "cool" or to be their childs friend rather than a responsible adult towards them.




ps , having read the responses you have added to your original question, it seems you are going to ignore any advice given to you, you keep justifying why you should let your children do what they want, so why did you ask for advice in the first place?

Answer 9

I think this is just a cop our for parents who don't want to take any real responsibility...I mean come on...you can do it here, but not anywhere else? what sense does that make? it only leads the children to get comfortable with it to the point that they then think...well I'm old enough now to do it else where....no matter the age, its illegal...you are teaching your children to break the law...how is any of that safe? responsible? total, total, total, cop out!

Answer 10

I think it doesn't matter either way. You let them do it in your own home doesn't mean they aren't going to do it at their friends house as well. It's going to happen. What's better is to ensure you are having conversations with your kid about the dangers, the benefits, and the ways to be safe, etc.

More importantly make sure your child knows they can trust you and come to you knowing you won't be judge them. You love them unconditionally... show them this love.

Answer 11

i don't know about this one.my mother did this w/ my sisters and me we just wanted more after awhile and mom couldn't control us.but in the end we all ended up fine graduated school some r married some work.i really think its the kids decision what he or she wants to do.but it does have a allot to do w parental influence as well.and i wouldn't do it with my kids