Answer only if you understand where i'm coming from?

Question

Why is it when i was a child i use to get my but tore up with a switch or a belt and mow if u even look at a child like u are going to punish them they atomaticlly think DSS or holler child abuse. I think if some of the really bad kids in this world got their buts tore up like my generation did the world wouldn't be in such a mess with run aways , drug users, Prostatuion And so on that the kids are falling into these days.I'm not talking about relly hurting a child just letting them know a little disepline it didnt hurt me im still here. But now days kids rule their parents and it's just not cool.

maybe add is to blame for all kids being bad! idont think so. what do u do?

Let's not forget drop outs!

I have tried taking things away . They find something else to do , i take that away ,same thing. Say they cant go out they dont care. No friends over same thing,no phone , I get dont care! Pop thier butts , That didnt hurt! Threaten to send them away HA they just dont care. Really spank them, hurt for awhile ,cry, samething all over again the next day.

With all the response to my question I thank you all. Do you think this is a star question?

Answer 1

I'm a mother of 3 and only 26yrs old, but I am all about the "old school" ways of teaching my kids. I see a lot of bad talk on here about spanking your kids, like you should go to hell if you do, but if I didn't spank my kids once in a while they would walk all over me and have no limits on what they would be allowed to do. I think the parents who don't believe in spanking are always the ones that have the kids who are really hard to handle. Just my opinion tho!

I agree with you that because kids aren't being disciplined the way they should be, there is now chaos in the world. It's a scary thought that one day these kids will be running the world and working and taking care of us when we get old.

Answer 2

Well I have raised five kids, and run a day care, etc. and I do know a lot about handling kids. And I think you are right....that kids need discipline and sometimes spanking....but even with the five I raised, spanking was hardly ever necessary.

The key is to be consistent and firm...and stronger than the kid....ahead of the kid ( you'ld be surprised how quickly kids get ahead of the parent), and so strong that the kids knows who is in charge and that it doesn't pay to challenge your authority.

There are lots of ways to do this....but a good example is just to have a time out chair...I called it "the quiet chair".....and a clear set of rules...so when the child breaks the rule...he is put in the quiet chair...time out...first time 5 minutes, 2nd time 10 minutes....until the child decides it just isn't worth breaking that rule. Kids hate to have leave play and just sit!

Your goal is not to "punish"...it is to change behavior. So you don't lose your cool...you just say..."remember the rule we had....?...well you just broke it....have a seat! And then make sure they understand what they did.

I ran a day care with 150 children...and yes there were children that loved to challenge the rules. My attitude was..."it doesn't bother me if you want to miss out on playing, TV, etc.....if you want to choose to sit here instead....that's o.k.with me!

You see...when you don't get emotionally mad....just keep your cool....then it make the child think about it.

For a Mom...she has to be totally consistent. If there is "room" in what you do so the child thinks they "might" win....they will try.

Also you can have some really clear rules that cover everything. I used 4 rules. I will be polite in word and actions. I will obey those in authority (in this case you) and listen when they are talking. I will respect this property( your home), and the property of others. I will keep my hands and feet to myself (helps totally when other children are involved.)
There is very little that doesn't fit under these four rules. If there is something...find a rule to fit. Then the child needs to understand what rule they broke....and the consequence. And save any harder discipline for something really extreme that you just won't tolerate...like lying to you...you decide what that is....and what punishment that might be ...like going to his room....etc.

My children learned what I expected and along with it that I was on their side. I got very little comments from others of my children being hard to handle, etc. They said they were a joy to have around.

I also went a long way to help my child do things, and to not say "no, you can't do that...if it was just an inconvenience to me...so when I needed to say "no"...they never argued...they knew I had a good reason and respected it.

You see you have to respect and care about the child's point of view, and they have to respect your authority...that you care about them...but you aren't going to tolerate bad behavior. Then they will respect you.

Yes times have changed....and some think because they see poor parenting that they know better than you do how to raise your child. Not so....and children have to have discipline....but there are lots of ways you can do that. And you should never do it when you are angry...then you lose control of the situation.

Answer 3

Parents and teachers have come a long way in learning about child psychology over the past 50 years as well as alternative means of shaping childrens' behaviors. One thing we know is that children all learn and behave differently (espeically ADHD and Aspberger Syndrom children) and so in order to shape positive behavior we have to try different methods. I think spanking should not be used often with children, since then it loses ability to be something a child remembers as unique(learning requires memory- usually best done through emotional links in the brain) as do other forms of overused discipline. However, when used to prevent children from harming themselves or others and followed with a talk, I think it could be effective. The discipline should match the crime as much as possible. For the most part, however, there are so many other ways to discipline and reward using consequences (both positive and negative). Children learn by example from parents. The message that hitting a child sends is that 1. I'm the boss because I'm bigger (child isn't thinking about what they did wrong but rather how much they want revenge or hate the parent 2. hitting is okay if it's done by me (you are respected and loved by your child). Also, the "spare the rod, spoil the child" line is in a verse in Proverbs and said by King Solomon"- wise, but not an expert on child rearing (read about his childhood and his son's). Personally, I like to try and follow what Jesus taught about forgiveness and LOVE and the value of our children.

Answer 4

I agree. I would never smack my kids just to smack them. That is abuse. But when they are constantly acting out and you have tried everything else first (time outs, grounding, taking away toys) a good swat in the butt gets their attention and lets them know you are serious. Any more it's the kids that rule the house and they know it. I only wonder how the generation raised by this one is going to behave.

It seems like too many parents want to be their child's friend instead of their parent. They would rather give in and teach them right from wrong and what a good work ethic is. They don't want to deal with a kid that's mad at them and can't handle that the kid might not like them. They don't realize they aren't helping them only hurting them. They grow up with a sense of entitlement and believe the world owes them something. It's a big slap in their face when nobody bows to their will and they have to learn the hard way you get what you put in.

Answer 5

I understand i mena when i was growing up you know what you had to do and talking back was a big no no i think that it has a lot to do with the parents being push overs and not standing thier ground kids being spoiled and not being punished for thier mistakes teaches them that it is ok. In the south in school they still use paddles in school instead of just detation or getting kicked out they make you suffer being getting your butt paddled and the truth is in the south kids are more poilte to the grown ups they always say yes ma no sir and that is cool a kid being respectful makes you look like a better parent and feel like a role model to those parents and the whole child abuse i will admit has gotten out of hand what happened to punishing your kids for doing something wrong to the parents being scared because the might get in trouble. The world today is crazy.

Answer 6

I also was beat with a belt, or switch a time or two growing up and it kept me from getting into trouble but it also made me not want to hit my children with objects. If they need spanked they will get it with my hand, not a belt or switch. I think that you can over step the bounds of abuse and discipline if you have an object to take your anger out on them with. But everyone raises their children differently. Some people use time out, or take away things. Not every child is the same nor the parents.
I know this didn't really comply with your statements but they are my views.

Answer 7

Agreed. However a lot of parents re frame from using switches, and belts due to the child abuse laws, which state if you leave a permanent mark such as a bruise, welt, blister it's abuse. Now there's nothing wrong with a good red tush, all mine know what a good old fashioned spanking is. And yes, we do our like the old days, with pants down. I know some parents who spank with belts and paddles, and they do so legally (no marks) For us, we only use our hand, I personally don't like the idea of using something to spank with, but some do for religious purposes, and that fine by me. I totally understand where your coming from, I'd never allow the things I see kids get away with these days. Your right it's not cool, that's why we use the old fashioned methods which work.

Good Luck

Answer 8

I think its because some parents are just so involved in there own life that when they just notice whats really going with the kids its to late..also you should punish when its needed not because you want even if they are 1 1/2 they need to know who is the person in charge

Answer 9

alot of people that have answer this question use words like "kids thees day " and "now days " i am a kid from "now days" and i was spanked alot and because i was hit some much i will when i have kids never hit my kids my step father would hit me forever little thing i did and i will never hit my kids if you where not hit as a kid you dont know what it is like to be hit my step dad would pick up what ever he could find and hit me if he had a belt on he would hit me with that he did not care where he hit me lots of times when he was finshed hiting me i would be black and blue all over my back would have belt marks all over it i dont think that people should hit there kids becase to many people dont have control over thier anger

Answer 10

I don't think beatings should always be a resort to discipline.To some extent i agree but if the parents aren't stern with their children then stuff like that happens,it's sad but ...I believe taking away toys ,things that the children value,because the sting of beatings go away but you have to earn toys back cell phones,etc.When they are young that's when you should be training them so when they grow up it's installed in them what they were taught.Too much discipline can be a bad thing because once they get that inch of freedom they will go crazy.