can someonr make me happy?!?

Question

i need a funny joke

Answer 1

YES!

Answer 2

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.
Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.
With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.
When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

Advantages Of Being A Woman
Why it's better to be a Woman!

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

Answer 4

So there's this redneck and his new bride in their honeymoon suite. His new bride walks out of the bathroom from freshening up and said "you know I have to be honest with you....I'm a virgin." So the redneck runs clear outta the hotel and back to his parents house.."well whats wrong son?" his dad asked "She a VIRGIN!" the redneck replied......"We'll I woulda done the same thing if she aint good enough for her own family she sure as heck aint good enough for ours!"

Answer 5

What has wheels and flies.

A garbage truck.

Answer 6

say toy boat really fast three times, and I mean really fast. you'll find yourself saying "to boit"

Answer 7

Yes, I can.

Answer 8

Here this will bring a smile to your face:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wb0K4WAiDnQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XLEYaUHz0A

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ig64I7ZC3Ro

Answer 9

Mushrooms....a whole bundel of multi-colored flying mushrooms... What the hell? So, they're cannibalic, multi-colored, flying mushrooms... Eeerrrr-oooooo EEeeerrrrrrrrr-ooooo BBlllooooopppp! EEeeeeerrrrrrrrrrr-ooooooooo! WELCOME TO THE LAND OF MAGIC MUSHROOMS! MAGIC MUSHROOMS! MAGIC MUSHROOMS! WELCOME TO THE LAND OF MAGIC MUSHROOMS! WE ARE MULTI-COLORED HAPPY MAGIC MUSHROOMS! WELCOME TO THE LAND OF MAGIC MUSHROOMS! MAGIC MUSHROOMS! MAGIC MUSHROOMS! WELCOME TO THE LAND OF MAGIC MUSHROOMS! WE ARE MULTI-COLORED HAPPY CANNIBALIC FLYING MUSHROOMS! Hey man, these are some good shrooms, man.....tell your fish friend over there that he can have some toooo! WELCOME TO THE LAND OF MAGIC MUSHROOMS!

Answer 10

yes. I made this one up myself:

How do you keep toast from burning?

Answer: (it's backwards) .ti no neercsnus tuP


you're welcome