Should I confront her?

Question

I know for absolutely 100% that my mum is having an affair! She doesn't know that I know, and I really don't know what to do! Should I tell my dad or just confront her. I can't even talk to her because it makes me sick. I know it's probably not a huge deal, but she if she isn't happy then why doesn't she just leave??? AHH!

Answer 1

A terrible and awkward situation your in there and i have a lot of sympathy, you need to think about what you hope will happen long term before you do anything drastic like telling your father.

There is a way around the confrontation and that's to write her a letter explaining you know what's happening and how you feel, you need to make sure your father doesn't find the letter.

Give her the opportunity to talk to you about it, maybe she will finish the relationship and try to put things with your father back on course.
I know you are hurting but that's wont be half as much as your dad will if he finds out, if there's a chance for things to be put right and him never find out that that would be the best for him.

There could be a reason why she has done this, usually because she's seeking attention she's not getting in her relationship so you can't blame her 100%, ok maybe 98%.

Some might not agree with my suggestions, but this comes from a man whose wife had a month long affair before christmas and we're working very hard to work things out, we have children, and an opportunity here to make things better than they were.

Would i prefered my wifes affair to have ended and me never have found out? Yes, i think i would.

Answer 2

Hi definatly confront her, she shouldnt be having an affair. Too right i would be fuming I think. And it is a huge deal to some people who have self respect. Like you say if she isnt happy why doesnt she say. Liers alaway get found out and she has so yes confront her it isnt fair on your dad. Or instead of keeping secrets my dont you just take you dad to where your mum goes to have the affair and then he can see for himself rather than you be sworn to secercy, Because i think your da would be very angry if he new you new she was having an affair. Im sorry about the situation your in it doesnt sound like the outcome will be either way you do it. But if you dont want to let you dad know then deffiantly have a word with your mum.

Answer 3

I'd talk to her - you don't need to confront her, what's the point of shouting! Just say that you know, and that you have a conflict of loyalties and can't bear to hurt your dad or hurt her. Urge her to resolve her differences with her father. It's possible your father might know and is tolerating this, or it's possible that they have an open marriage, or maybe she's doing this to get back at something your father did.
Either way, this is really something between them and for them alone to sort out. Your intervention will not help at all, and confuse things further. Just tell your mother that she should sort things out with you dad and, at the very least, keep her affair more private. If you could find out, then so could someone else - and that someone else might speak to your dad.
Good luck, it's hard but this is something that you really cannot control nor be an intermediary in. Let them sort themselves out, sometimes these things just blow themselves out and finish in their own time, and then life resumes as before.

Answer 4

Do you really want your Mum to leave your Dad? It is so sad that you are in this situation. You say that you are 100% certain about this have you actually seen the evidence for yourself? I think that you should speak to your Mum and ask her to tell you the truth maybe she will explain whats going on.
Good luck with all this it is terrible that you are being put in this position between your Mum and Dad. I hope that you can get some answers from your Mum.

Answer 5

If I were in your situation and knew for a fact she was having an affair I would confront her. Tell her if she doesn't come clean with your father then hear her out. Listen to what she has to say but stand by what you believe. You think this is wrong then let her know and let her know that no matter what her excuse is she need to be honest with the man that she has shared her life with. He deserves that much, anyone does. Best of luck!

Answer 6

ok well u should confront her but....u shouldnt be all hard becuz that might create some issues ....DO NOT TELL UR FATHER even though u have a right 2 no whats goin on u do not need 2 get involved ! if ur mom really loves him she will stop and tell him herself ....plus i wouldnt be able 2 stand the fact that i make my daughter sick so mabey if u tell ur mom u no whats goin on she might feel bad 4 not being a good influence! so confront ur mom but dont be all up in her face about it be calm and try 2 here what she has 2 say

hope eveything works out 4 ya peace

Answer 7

when I was 14 my dad worked nightshift and I found out my mum was having an affair when she started bringing her boyfriend round to our house, after a while she no longer kept it secret and even included me by bringing me downstairs to join them for supper. it was dreadful as I was a real 'daddy's girl' and I didn't want to hurt him so I kept quiet. I guess I hoped it would fizzle out and she would stop seeing him. she ended up leaving my dad and he was actually pleased as he had been very unhappy for a long time. I know I'm not saying whether I think it's best to speak to either of them or not, but in all honesty I think keeping out of it is best, unless you can't live with that. I hope it all resolves ok for you but at the end of the day it's their life and you have to preserve your own happiness and sanity. Good luck x

Answer 8

Man, that's a tough one. I understand why one would want to stay out of it. On the other hand if I were being cheated on I would want someone to tell me. I think it would be safe to say that anyone would want to know. The reality is that most times the one being cheated on is the last to find out.

But this is your parents we are talking about..... this puts you in a tough spot. If you tell, Dad and Mom will both have a different view of you forever. This is understandable......... Not a bad view, but most likely different.

Your Dad needs to know. I would suggest that you "set it up" so that Dad finds out on his own. That clears you for something that is not your fault, and it brings this much needed info to your Dad.

Hope that helps.

Answer 9

Honestly, although it may hurt, the truth is that it has nothing to do with your relationship with her. It is between her and your father. You may be sure, but remember we are talking here about your parents and the truth is, you dont know how your father may react. My advice to you is go to your mom and calmly tell her that although you care and respect her, you feel she may be cheating on your dad, and if that is the case, she needs to resolve whatever issue she has because this is something you dont want to have in your head. Again, going to your dad is not the solution. Things could get worse. You never know, you talking to her may scare her off and get her act straight or, she leaves your father altogether. Either way, the issue is resolved. Remember, IF she is cheating on your dad, she is NOT cheating on you.
Good luck and i hope everything works out for you and your family

Answer 10

I dont think we can ever really understand anyone if we dont have an open mind about it. Cheating is wrong, but maybe at least ASK your mom before accusing her. She might not even be cheating, and you could be blowing it out of porportion. Talk to her, maturly and say that your just concerened about it, and what to know whats going on. She probably wont tell you....at first.
Good luck, and Im sorry you have to deal with this situation.