is it normal to become enraged at being' percieved' as a tortured soul?

Question

i suffer with a chronic mental illness, borderline personality disorder. i live in my own small flat on benefits and have never worked in all the 16 years ive been suffering with this. ive never made any friends or managed to form any relashionships with any girls. i have very low self esteem. im often daydreaming about the life i would really like and are angry and gutted that things have turned out like this. i wish i lived in another existance somewhere else with happiness, security, friends and relashionships. for a start i wanted to emmegrate from the uk and wish with a passion i wasnt here. i dont mind empathy, from genuine kind people, but i hate to be felt sorry for..grrrr.hate that. the other day i phoned the samaritans helpline at 3am as i awoke from a nightmare and was in the grip of a terrible low depressive mood. i spoke to a patronizing. condesending, yorkshire woman samaritan. she made me feel like i wanted to smash her head repeatedly against a brick wall. she said

things like,' their are many famous people that are tortured souls..you no. like robin williams, robbiw williams'....i started to loathe what she was saying, as i feel she was making me feel like a victim, like a pittied soul... i hate the way my existance is right now and wish it could magically change into the life i want..the emmegration..the nice home..building a new annonymous life somewhere else..i feel truly trapped..im 29 with the clock ticking..i feel doomed. and speaking to a woman like that makes me feel even more doomed..was i right to get enraged?

Answer 1

I suffer from some problems too and sometimes wind up calling various crisis hotlines (I have severe chronic anxiety disorder).

If you get someone you don't like, just thank them and say goodbye and call another line. They're just volunteers there, they have personality defects like anyone else. Not every one of them is helpful, but no law says you've got to keep talking to someone who isn't doing you any good.

Emigrating is probably not going to be a lot of help. You can't leave the problems in your mind behind, unfortunately. Emigrating requires so much work, energy and throws your life into so much chaos for so long, that it's a lot more likely to make you feel worse and possibly a LOT worse in a strange place. I've done it and took over one year to recover from that.

I don't have any great advice on making friends, I've been unable to keep a friend for very long either. I do a lot of my socializing online where people can't tell what my problems are and I can simply change my online ID and go to another chat when things begin turning bad on me. I know this sounds pathetic but it's just that little bit better than sitting alone looking mad.

Good luck to you, don't give up on your doctor and trying different meds, you never know when something might make a world of difference one day.

Answer 2

You don't say if you are receiving any therapy or medication for your problem. If not then why not? You state your condition, is that your own diagnosis or a doctors? If you are not receiving the proper treatment then that is the first step you must take to help you get your life on the road that you want. If you are receiving help then you need to speak to your doctor/therapist about the rage/anger/low self esteem that you are suffering from. I have phoned the samaritans during bouts of depression and have never had anyone condesending (thankfully) but if she was you should have told her that she was not helping you by her attitude and you wanted to speak to someone else. You will not solve your problems by emigrating, you will just take them with you and find that you are in an even more lonely and alien place. I feel from your question, that you are not receiving help, or not the kind you need. You must take the first step yourself, no-one can help you if they don't know what you are suffering. Please go to the doctor and speak to him/her and they will put in motion the arrangements for you to get the help you require. As you have been on your own with this for such a long time it will probably take a great deal of courage on your part to take that first step, but remember your wish list, it can't even begin if you don't. The help is there for you and non-condesending people who will listen to you without judging you. Help yourself to start a new life, go to the doctor. Good luck.

Answer 3

True you certainly have some issues - but we're all F**ked up one way or another, crack heads - coke heads - work junkies - party animals. the trick is balance - a bit of this and a bit of that. You are right to use this portal as a means of a release and getting some of your frustration out, not working is probably not helping with your self confidence and if you are doing gear of some sort this will only exacerbate your mood swings - I assume you have a GP who is giving you some medication to help to control your illness - First of all I would try to take an active part in this and ask for a second opinion - and enquire about programmes or research projects that may give you new insights into how to handle this situation. You obviously have a goal to get away from your current life, so start making plans - if you are artistic in anyway there many crafts you can do with found material coke cans into toys - driftwood into picture frames whatever - start selling them - on the net or in the street/ at festivals - get your savings going - travel will help to make you resoucefull > A friend of mine from the UK was travelling and had to hitch hike from LA to New York when all his gear was stolen on the Beach in LA when out surfing by "friends" and then beg for a passport and funds to get back home as he was an orphan and had no one to aid him back home- 10 years later he runs his own business and has a beautifull beach house in Cornwall he build himself and still surfs pretty much every day and often tells me
".........everything thing in life Dave it's down to you no-one else............"

- its how you take the knocks that life throws at us......

If you want motivation - what works for me is when I'm down I walk through the Churchyard and read the gravestones - this always reinforces to me when its over its OVER - there's no second chances - just grab a hold of it and dig in for the fight of a lifetime!!!

Good Luck and enjoy the ride

Best wishes Dave

Answer 4

Yes...u have evry right to feel like this.

I suffer from depresion, and am a single mum, was brought up in foster care, also bulimic, and on benefits, and some people seem to feel sooooo sorry for me......but sod it....why should they??

they probably have problems of their own, just not as publis as yours!!

Dont let this discourage you from phoning the samaritans though, you just got an annoyingly bad talker. If u need to chat, make sure u pick up the phone and call them, not all of them are like that woman!

Answer 5

i'm neither christian nor atheist. i'm an Antichrist. There are no extra advantageous tortured souls than people who carry on with bitterness of their hearts and condemn others for eternal soreness. those actual everyone isn't fairly ensue in what they suspect, for in the event that they have been, they could have not got any ought to project and frown upon the thought of others. I even have seen many atheists and in simple terms as many christians. Many atheists enable the thought into their existence which permits them to prevail in a actual experience of happiness which isn't in keeping with fake desire interior the sky however the happiness and love that lies interior of. you should permit bypass of pre present burdens, mess united statesand non secular desire. Be unfastened and understand that there is no course to happiness, happiness in itself is the way.

Answer 6

Has your doctor referred you to a therapist/psychologist.Feelings like this need to be worked through with a professional.They would also suggest the best type of support group for your type of problems.The wrong type of help can be worse than no help as all.You have to be willing to take on board the suggestions that these people give you aswell though.Sometimes its hard to accept & work on your problems but a professional/specialist really does have your best interests at heart.

Answer 7

Boy, are you in trouble or what! You really need to speak to a doctor, and make sure he listens to you and refers you to someone who can help. Don't let him palm you off! Refuse to be a victim any more! If you can do that, it's a step to realising that You CAN help yourself. It will help you rebuild your self-esteem.
Go do it! You CAN do it! Take your life by the scruff of the neck and turn it around. GO, GO, GO! And remember you have a whole bunch of people here rooting for you!

Answer 8

Yes, it probably is normal. Pity you got the wrong people on the line, though. I suffer a bit, mentally speaking, and sometimes they drive me up the wall! But, people are usually nice and it is only the odd few that are annoying! HTH LOL

Answer 9

You don't always get the highest quality of people on a phone helpline. She was probably angry about something else and just taking it out on you.