What would you do if you were me? Would you go?

Question

I have a friend who asked me to be in her wedding in Sept. She asked me to purchase a $400 dress in Oct &I starting calling her, asking for her to talk to me. I texted her & emailed her because I wanted to tell her there was no way I could afford a dress like that at that time. She sent me an email later in the month telling me she would contribute money toward my purchase but I still couldn't get her to answer the phone. I saw her at a job &since we were both working hard &basically in public I couldn't talk to her but extracted a promise to talk to her before christmas. Despite my calls to set something up there was no response. Finally in feb. I got a handwritten letter telling me that my dress was waiting for me to pick up (wrong size), I can give her 200$ towards the dress purchase and the rehersal dinner was at such and such time and wedding at such and such time. At no time was I given an invitation and nowhere in the letter does it state WHERE any of this takes place.

Do I even attempt to purchase the dress if I end up not going?

Wedding's March 17, so I should have gotten an invite by now.

Answer 1

I think you should send her an e-mail or a letter stating that due to the such short notice and lack of information as well as communication, you will not be able to attend nor participate in her wedding and you hope she finds a replacement for you in a timely matter. Just tell her you tried to contact her with your questions and concerns but she never got back to you. So sorry but you have to decline her offer to be a bridesmaid.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

It seems like your friend is being really rude. Does she not have a lot of friends and just wants bodies to fill in her wedding party? I don't understand not calling someone from her wedding party and just assuming that you are willing to shoulder all of these costs.

Honestly, it sucks, but you already told her you'd be in the wedding, so you're kind of stuck. Being in a wedding is expensive, and I'm sure you knew that when you accepted. Although the dress is the wrong size, you can always get it altered to fit. And, even though it's a $400 dress and you need to spend $200 of your own money, you will probably never wear the dress again.

You will turn into the villain if you simply do not show up and do not buy the dress. I would call her, text her and email her again stating that you haven't received an invite and don't know where and when to show up. If she doesn't give you a place, well, then you can't go, obviously. But, if she does, then you need to show up, in the dress, ready to go.

You can always give her a far less expensive wedding gift, or, and this is incredibly rude, but no gift at all.

I think I'd be angry, hurt and really confused, and in all honesty I wouldn't want to go to her wedding or help her celebrate, but you should be the bigger person and go. Hopefully after her wedding she'll have time for you and make time to talk to you so you can find out why she has been treating you like this. If she still doesn't give you the time of day after her wedding, then you just can't be friends with her anymore. That's all.

Answer 3

Big reason why email and text should never be used for important communications like these. You should have been using the telephone and voice mail to be certain your messages were being received.
You really waited too long to bail out on this. If, right after Christmas, when you realized she wasn't going to call, that would have been a better time to send a letter stating your intention.

You should have not been treated this way and, of course, you should have received invitations, information, etc. However, just because this woman is ill-mannered, doesn't mean you should be. You made a promise to be in the wedding. You should really stick by your promise and pay for the dress. After the wedding you can decide if it's worth it to try to salvage this relationship. Then put the dress up for sale on ebay.

Answer 4

I think you have done everything in your power to try to communicate with your "friend". You should not be responsible for paying for a dress that you do not agree to purchase in the first place. If she truly valued your friendship and wanted your participation in her wedding, she would have contacted to verbally discuss this issue either over the phone or in person. If I were you, I would attempt to make one last phone call to discuss this issue with her. If she does not respond, then I would send her an e-mail or letter informing her that you have made several attempts to discuss your inability to participate in the wedding. As gesture of good will, you can enclose $200 to pay towards the dress, but since she did not consult with you about purchasing it, you are not obligated to do so at all. Even if you do receive an invitation at the last minute, I probably would graciously decline since her actions demonstrate that she does not really value your friendship.

Answer 5

Considering this "friend" cannot return or answer your calls, tell you WHERE the wedding is going to be, have her realize the dress is the wrong size, I would write an email to her stating that since she's never bothered to CALL YOU and talk to you ON the phone that you cannot go and will not send her $200 for a dress that is in the wrong size.

Answer 6

Honestly?
It doesn't sound as though the two of you are very close friends.

If you like her and still want to be friends with her, hand write her a note telling her that "as much as you would love to, your circumstances won't permit you to be a part of the wedding party." You can offer to help her run errands, etc.

If you don't really care if you remain friends, hand write a note saying the same thing--- without the offer.

The fact that you don't have an invitation yet is no big deal. Those don't go out until about 6 weeks before the wedding.

The fact that you can't communicate with her is a big deal. I say wish her all the best and get the heck out of it.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Well, despite the fact that this "friend" doesn't seem like much a friend, at this point I think your only 2 options are be in the wedding and suck it up, or leave her a message and ask if there's any way someone else can take your place (and therefore your responsibility) b/c there's no way you can possibly attend. If you choose the second option, tell her you have been trying to get in touch w/ her for a while so if you don't hear back from her soon, you assume someone else has taken the spot for you. Good luck, that's a crappy situation she has put you in.

Answer 8

If I was you I'd keep my money and not spend one single dime of it on her wedding. She was crazy for expecting people to pay $400.00 for a freakin' dress in the first place. But if she really wanted and needed you in her wedding party you would NOT be on here asking us where to go or what to do....she would've supplied you with all the communication you needed from her to answeany question you may have had. Matterof fact you should have no questions--you should already know everything. I would call her or write her back and very gracefully bow out of her so called wedding party. Let her know she needs to find somebody else to play.

Answer 9

u should never give cash to someone who does not want to talk to you. u should never feel guilty because someone else is insensitive to other people but themselves. with that said.

write her a note telling her u cant afford the dress that is the wrong size and will not be attending her nuptials. make it short dont go into long intense agonizing letter. keep it simple if u want send her a gift. not $200.00 worth

Answer 10

How long have you been friends? Is it normal for you and her to not speak? Were you invited to any bridal showers? It seems like you've been left in the dark. If she doesn't have the sense to call you and keep you informed--then, let someone else be her bridesmaid in the over-priced dress!