I made a friend a few months ago who's going to be 56 soon. I'm 20 and won't be 21 for a while. I've realised, though, that I'm very much in love with him. He has a boyfriend already -- (open relationship) -- and we've agreed not to have sex because it would spoil our friendship.
But recently I can't stop thinking about him, and I think I'm rather infatuated. He's my best friend and I don't want to ruin things. And it's a bit creepy to be in love with someone who could be my granfather. Nonetheless, I feel infatuated! Any advice?
2007-03-03 07:08:37 · 29 answers · asked by cuveen 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
For those who answered, thanks for the advice. But for clarification--1) I am male. 2) I am not a Christian. 3) I believe infatuation and love can co-exist. I've had a 2 year relationship with a 36 year old man when I was 18 and knew the difference between the two.
2007-03-03 08:29:21 · update #1
Ummm, is this a homo question. If it is i dont care but if hes fine, go for it playa!
2007-03-03 07:11:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Infatuation is not the same thing as being in Love, you've admitted to being infatuated, so you're NOT in love they are very different. You may be feeling this strongly, since your friend is older, someone to look up to, he is already in a relationship, he is unattainable.
Most of the time we want mostly what we can't have. Don't spoil the friendship and make a move. Just give yourself some time, as well as some distance to sort out your mind, and then see how you feel. Like you said, don't ruin the friendship.
2007-03-03 07:16:12 · answer #2 · answered by grldragon101 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just try to stop this kind of 'infatuation' before it ruins you.
First of all he is too old for you. Even if you are in love with him, where do u think this will lead to? Nowhere, he is more experienced and might only take advantage of you and that will hurt you badly since you are so into him.
I'd suggest you try to get away from him for sometime, or even cease contact with him for sometime and try to get your life back.
If you come back and you realise you still feel the same way about him, well thats fine, but i bet you wouldnt feel the same way after some time.
Try to get closer to people of your same age or around your age group. That is a more healthy relationship.
He might just be playing on your mind because he knows you like him.
He's your best friend, leave it at that. He is good for fatherly advise and all that but please dont go any further.
He also has a boyfriend already. Are you trying t oget between them?
2007-03-03 07:16:35 · answer #3 · answered by ggoldiee23 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am sure this is hard for you. I know it seems like there is no right answer for this situation. It is easy to say " I can handle it and I dont want to ruin our relationship" but our instincts many times lead us in the wrong direction. I guess one of the keys was that you said he IS in an open relationship. Maybe you could talk with him about it and go with what your heart tells you to do. It may not ruin the friendship after all. Don't live you life wondering, what if though. You only live once, and some risks are just worth taking. If you feel it is something that you may be able to just overcome with time, just resist those temptations to the point that you can. I really wish you the best of luck!
2007-03-03 07:15:17 · answer #4 · answered by Josh S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think the fact that you are having doubts about it yourself is the answer.
I think you should just be friends, at least for awhile. Sometimes new friends stir up an infatuation that is passing. Be friends for a year and then see where you are.
Good luck :)
2007-03-03 07:13:45 · answer #5 · answered by christine_ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds hard but, take some time away from him for awhile. Take some time off to focus on yourself, and you'll find out what you truly want. Plus, it'll give you time to re-evaluate the situation and see if there's a way you could be happy being friends.
2007-03-03 07:13:04 · answer #6 · answered by Jaz 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you really in love w/ him, or in love w/ the idea that there's someone out there that you connect w/ but who also gives you the feeling of security? I would advise if you truly care about the relationship that you keep it friends.
2007-03-03 07:12:52 · answer #7 · answered by mo_luv22 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
so you are saying he is gay already ? and you must be as well? or you are straight and he is gay cuz you said he has a boyfriend already. well from expierence i was married to a man 19 yrs older .... bigggggggg ,,, hughhhhhhhhh mistake,, you are far to young to be involved with a 56 yr old man ,, find a young man your age,, not to mention thats kinda disgusting,, im sry
2007-03-03 07:14:37 · answer #8 · answered by mala 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your priest or rabbi or minister about this. It's okay to 'love' someone, but I sense you sense there is some kind of danger here. Usually a creepy feeling is a correct way of saying something's wrong.
2007-03-03 07:15:16 · answer #9 · answered by Double O 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My wife is 24 and I am 54. This is totally acceptable in her country (Philippines).
Americans freak, but this is because they have dirty minds.
We have a very precious relationship, much finer than 99% of those I've seen.
2007-03-03 07:12:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Try to find someone your age and think of him as a really good friend
2007-03-03 07:11:41 · answer #11 · answered by bballhottie2 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋