Help me out (again): Ethics and fatherhood?

Question

I asked this in Pregnancy yesterday, but I'd like more opinions. Thanks!

Two adults (past their 20s) who were trying to avoid pregnancy wind up pregnant anyway. They are friends and do care about each other, but they are not and do not wish to be in a serious relationship. The woman wants to keep the baby. The man doesn't want a child at all.
From a purely ethical standpoint, what are these two adults' responsibilities to each other and the child? If she is choosing to have a child he absolutely does not want, should she simply absolve him and assume all responsibility for the child? What responsibilities, if any, should the man have to the child, when he has made it clear he cannot be a parent at this point in his life?
No knee-jerk make-the-jerk-pay responses, please.

Answer 1

I am sorry, for you, your friend and your baby. I encourage you to try out the whole father thing. Every child needs a good father, and you might regret it later if you don't at least try. You need to provide as much support as you can handle emotional and financial. If and only if your friend marries someone who wants to take over as the father should you give up all rights and walk away, but even then keep in some kind of contact with your friend so when the big questions about you start coming from your child, she will know where you are. There is no way to just not be a father, sorry I know you would rather. Try it out at first you might just fall in love with your baby after all.

Answer 2

Interesting. Believe it or not, sex is a serious relationship, especially if there are feelings between the two people engaging in it.

I think that the woman has the right to keep the baby regardless of what the guy wants (just that you were trying not to get pregnant doesn't mean you're not going to unless you abstain - which is the only sure fire way not to get pregnant). However, as a man you do have an obligation to the child. The child can't help that you "messed" up (figuratively - not literally).

As the man, HELL no are you absolved of your responsibility. Even if you and the woman choose not to stay together, it's your responsibility to provide for your child. In today's society, a child without 2 parents is at a severe disadvantage. I'm not saying that the woman can't raise a child by herself, but it is difficult.

Also, legally speaking, if times got to hard on the woman, she could take you to court and you could be forced to pay child support.

I think that if you choose not to continue in your relationship with the woman, then at least you should remain in contact, so that you can provide for your child.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Both of these adults had sex understanding that this was a possible outcome. He has a moral and financial responsibility to the child. The law can not make him love the child but it can make financially support the child. If they are good friends it would be nice if they could maturely work this out but I am not sure if that is possible. I mean why can't he be a parent right now? If he is an adult past his 20's what is the problem. I personally am so tired of men thinking it is OK for them to abandon their children and equally sick of woman who think that they can raise children on their own. Children need a mother and a father. Simple as that. It is best when the parents love each other and live together. If that is not a possibility then the child still deserves both parents in their life. Even if it is every other weekend.

Answer 4

Both parents have a responsibility to this child they both created it. I find it very admirable that the woman wants to keep this baby even though the father doesn't want to be in it's life. It would be nice for the child to have a father figure but if the father doesn't want to take responsibility for something he created he can give up all parental rights. If the father gives up all rights which is done by a court process then he has no responsibility from there on. Which also means he can ask for visitation. It's a big decision for both parts and all aspects should be taken in to careful consideration.

Answer 5

I think that the couple should have discussed this before engaging in activities that could lead to pregnancy. Since they didn't, legally, the man will have a responsibility to pay, although that doesn't seem right ethically. You would think that if the woman has the right to end the pregnancy against the man's will, the man would have a right to end his responsibility with the baby. Hopefully, the man will change his mind when he meets his baby, but otherwise he should at least help financially if he will not be a parent.

Answer 6

If they really wanted to avoid pregnancy, no sex or better birth control should have been considered. The man has the responsibility to pay child support at the very least and I do not think it is fair that a child should go through life without a father just because the father "cant be bothered"..that excuse just does not fly.

Answer 7

If he truly doesn't want a child, then she should have him sign away his parental rights and raise the child herself. No surprises from him later on if he decides he suddenly does want a child. It would be easiest for both parties to do it this way. Sounds like she's made the decision to keep the child, so deal with it responsibly from the beginning. I'm mom to 3 .

Answer 8

I think if she chooses to keep the child knowing he cannot support the child and does not want to have the child she should take on the burden by herself. Afterall if he wanted the child and she chose to abort he wouldnt be able to stop her. After the baby is born he should sign off on his parental rights thereby dissolving any legal/financial obligation he has to the child and freeing the mother to allow any future spouse to adopt the child if they want to.

Answer 9

I commend you on not giving in to his pressure, and giving your child life. You will be a fantastic Mother. Give him a chance to witness the birth, ask him again if he'd like to be named on the birth certificate. If he answers "no", then tell him to meet you in court to either sign away his parental rights or to begin child support payment schedule. It's his decision at that point.

Answer 10

Well... ultimately, if they aren't in a relationship and the woman wants to keep the baby, that's up to her. She would be the one who has to carry it for 9 months, and raise the baby. I think at that point, if she knows that the man doesn't want the baby, that she is taking full responsibility for it.