I have a step-daughter, 12, and my daughter is 10, and my husband and I have a 5 yr. old daughter together. We've been married for 7 years. Last year, we bought the older girls prepaid cell phones under the condition they pay for the minutes. My daughter who live with us has paid hers by herself, but my husband has never made my step-daughter pay hers. He is tired of this, but won't say anything to her, I guess he is afraid to make her mad, I don't know. Anyway, his behavior is making things unfair to my 10 year old, because she has displayed her responsibility where my step-daughter has not. I don't know what or if I should say anything about this. My daughter is learning how to be responsible, but my step-daughter is not. I don't know what to do.
2007-03-03 01:31:39 · 9 answers · asked by jeffandchristymoss@verizon.net 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I have a 17 y.o. stepson who lives with us. We have rules, curfews, etc at our house but he pretty much does whatever he wants during the time he's at his mom's. So when he comes back he's always surprised that he has to answer to adults. My husband doesn't deal with it. I think it's connected to the guilt he has for being divorced from his mom.
After several sessions of counseling, I've learned to keep my mouth shut and just choose my battles. It's extremely difficult because I really love this kid and want him to be a productive citizen some day. But as the counselor stated, He's "just" my stepson. I have little say in how he's raised. We can argue and fight about this stuff but generally, the kid gets his way.
I see the injustice in the way the cell phones are being handled. Talk to your daughter and explain that it's really out of your hands. Tell her how proud of her you are that she's living up to her obligations. You may want to offer some reward or incentive for her for keeping her word. Perhaps if your stepdaughter sees this, she'll want to mimic her.
Personally, I'd take the phone away until she honors her commitment. She's going to have to learn that you don't get things for free and the sooner the better. As our counselor told us, we're responsible for feeding, putting a roof over his head, clothing and medical care. Anything else we do is a privilege, not a right. Rights are earned!
2007-03-03 02:57:00 · answer #1 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be proud of your daughter, your Husband needs to step up to the plate and tell he she needs to be responsible for paying for her minutes or she won't have anymore to use, plain and simple. He should NOT bring your daughter into it at all, you don't want it turned into a battle between the girls. If his daughter brings your daughter into the discussion all that needs to be said is that she has been paying her own way all along, and that if there is any problem in the future the same discussion will be had with her. I would also offer up ways for the steo daughter to earn minutes. Post a schedule on the fridge ex. Washing the dishes earns x amount of dollars towards the purchase of minutes. Make everything fair and equal, that way nobody feels left out.
2007-03-03 03:39:55 · answer #2 · answered by skylark455st2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the best for your daughter and that's good that you are giving her responsibilities now that shes a teenager and I'm glad shes doing good about it ( now about the other girl you should have a talk with your husband and let him know that all of you guys had a deal that every girl should have pay for the minutes they used and that your daughter is doing it but his is not and that's unfair for your daughter and that could make your daughter feel like his daughter is having more loved because she is not pain for nothing while she is,, and then the problems will come with them to... she might say stuff to your daughter someday like I'm the favorite because daddy payis 4mystuff or they love me more because i don't have to pay for nothing and you do) so there is when your daughter is going to start feeling uncountable and start feeling unloved and she of course will feel like Cinderella )
2007-03-03 14:07:09 · answer #3 · answered by Nancy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately it's just better to let it alone. TRUST me. Been there done that and unfortunately dads who only see their children on the states schedule tend to forget how to parent. My husband used to say he didn't want their 4 days a month to be about what they are doing wrong. Just remember that your daughter will be a better person for it and make sure you praise her for doing the right thing. I think it's high time your daughter get a reward for doing the right thing...maybe when the step-daugher sees that she will step up and take care of her responsibility. BTW---don't put minutes on the step-daughters phone...she will figure it out on her own..bet ya she steps up then.
2007-03-03 02:46:41 · answer #4 · answered by proud2btysmom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to your husband and to your step daughter. You should tell them that it's unfair that one daughter has to pay and the other doesn't have to pay. It doesn't matter if one is adopted, you should treat them equal. She should learn to be responsible, and if your step daughter disagree, then don't let her use the cellphone. If she gets mad would be normal, you have to let her know that she has to listen to you even if you are her step- mother.
2007-03-03 01:38:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definately consult with your husband about this because as you say this is unfair to your daughter and she probably does not understand why she has to pay and her stepsister doesn't. I am a father with four stepchildren and it is very difficult for me to understand why my wife allows the children to do what they do. I often confront her about how she raises the children but with little success. I just try to do what I think is best for them as you should with yours. And remember life is not always fair.
2007-03-03 01:39:03 · answer #6 · answered by Chris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 13 month old daughter and my boyfrined has a 2 year old. I have tryed to tell him that he babys her to much and he is trying to back off now that I said something. I think you should talk to your husband and tell him you don't think it's fare and that if he keeps paying for her minuts that he should pay for the 10 year olds too. He might take time to change but just keep on him about it. Good luck!
2007-03-03 01:38:43 · answer #7 · answered by Chrissy 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i would said its your husbands fault.
tell him you are doing your best to make thing even and you both must stick together in descions and not be back down
his daughter will think she can get away with murder and your daughter will be feeling left out
so its up to you to start and get it sorted before it happens again and again
good luck to you
2007-03-03 01:37:52 · answer #8 · answered by Jo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have 2 step kids and one of my own it is hard to treat them
equal. but i try my best just tell your husband that he married
you and your kids so try to keep both girls equal so it keeps
the tention level down. if he cant keep peace just kick him
were the sun dont shine. no just kidding hahahah. good luck.
2007-03-03 01:42:08 · answer #9 · answered by christopher s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋