I have been dating my bf for the past year and a half. I think he is an amazing guy when he is not active. He has been through an inpatient program and is now entering a longer one. I am still not sure that he has hit his bottom and is not just doing this to avoid years of jail time. I am attending alanon and private counseling which help a little but I sitll have faith that he can do it. He is a very smart guy and very talented. I don't want to give up but others are telling me its hopeless. I have gone to NA Meetings and heard others share their stories of being clean for years 20+. I think if others can, he can for sure. I know I am powerless over his addiction/recovery, but should I be supportive? Should I wait? What else can I do to get help while he is going through this?
2007-03-03 00:37:33 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am a recovering addict and want to say this, you, nor jail, parents, family, whatever the case is going to get or keep your boyfriend clean. We truelly have to want it. I hit my bottom and wanted to change. You can give him all the choices but until he is ready, drugs will be that choice. I had got to a point where I had no one in my life and that's what really made me see what I had become. Think of yourself, you can not change a person or their behaviors. He is drug addict and until he seeks recovery and puts forth the action involved in the 12 step program (sponsor, meetings, etc) all you are doing is letting him know that if he screws up, you will always be there. Don't go through life 'waiting' on some one to change. I once heard this saying "sometimes we hold onto the very things that God himself was trying to tear apart". I know you have time invested w/ him and love him, but think of you and what you are putting yourself through. From an addict who use to abuse, lie, and con my way w/ everyone, right now, he may need time to figure his own life out and see what the rock bottom is. Maybe if you aren't willing to wait he can see the affects of his drug usage. Please, don't put your life on hold for a drug addict, eventually you will become lost in his downfall. God bless
2007-03-03 03:25:24 · answer #1 · answered by MS BOSSY 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Through my own experiences I came up with rules of what I was looking for in a man. One of those rules was no addictions, past or present. Because most of the time they go back to their old habits. My sons father was an addict of some kind till the day he died. A lot of people in NA and AA aren't really sober, there are even some that go there after drinking. And they do this to avoid jail time or inpatient programs.
But only your BF knows if he is ready to quit for good. Personally, I don't recommend you holding your breath though. What are the drugs he is addicted to?
I have to add, because I read this here all the time, making an ultimatum like 'It's me or the Drug' never works. The person will say 'You baby, of course' and then do the drug behind your back.
2007-03-03 00:47:40 · answer #2 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I personally say no. You can be there for him but you really can't do anything for him .I've also dated a guy turned out to be an addict. He ended up in prision and told me he would never , ever do it again .When he got out we hit the AA meetings and I was very supportive . But he never hit a bottom, so after awhile he just got worse started stealing from me and manipulated me to get what he thought he needed. I broke up with him but he kept coming back and I was stupid to keep and believe he d change this time. It became a crazy cycle. I think you should do what your gut instincts tell you !!!
2007-03-03 01:14:08 · answer #3 · answered by twinstars 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think what you should do is tell him you are going to leave, and if he gets clean you will come back. He has to have something to want to get clean for. If you are staying with him, he won't hit rock bottom. give him an ultimatum, you or the drugs. If he picks the drug, there is your answer. But, I'm sure after a while without you, he would realize his loss and get clean. Hopefully!
2007-03-03 00:44:13 · answer #4 · answered by Stuck in the middle of nowhere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love can make impossible things possible. therz a chance of 70% of recovery i think.
2007-03-03 01:00:10 · answer #5 · answered by *~*A$!F*~* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is worth waiting for
2007-03-03 00:41:12 · answer #6 · answered by Cherelle M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u dun want to let him go,trust ur feelings...gv him a chance n observe him...if he is showing some good changes,that's good but if he is not,left him...
2007-03-03 01:23:10 · answer #7 · answered by cyndi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is a strange emotion...it is constructive as well as destructive.....if you really love him do you have a choice????????
2007-03-03 00:46:00 · answer #8 · answered by P'quaint! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a LOSER. Will not ever recover. Move on.
2007-03-03 00:49:39 · answer #9 · answered by seahorse 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
move on... drug addicts hadly ever recover...
2007-03-03 00:41:13 · answer #10 · answered by Forlorn Hope - returned 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋