Why did my mother in law treat me like this??

Question

I got married 1 year ago and my M-in law lives with us because my husband is the only son so he takes care of her, but she gets in our business all the time she basically rules in the house, everytime we fight is beacuse of something to do with her. So the other day she got into an aurgument we had and I asked her not to get into our business. so she got mad and told my husband that I was the worst person in the world, that I hated her that I never do anything for her and so many horrible things that are not true, I started crying and told her that that wasnt true, and she started laughing at me and told me to F** off, and saying that I was False. And what hurt me the most is that my husband was there and did nothing, Instead he said it was my fault his mom was mad for telling her to not get in our business. I feel very depressed I dont wish this to anyone its the most horrible thing to see that I am nothing to my husband, But I love him should I try to forget and pretend I am happy?

Answer 1

I feel your pain about the mother-in-law. We lived with my in-laws for a year. There seemed to be no solitude. Everything seemed to be their business. And, like you, my husband didn't stand up to them much in my defense. But, what I did was chose to not be a victim of that situation anymore. I told my husband to meet me outside the home at a restaurant for some coffee. We had a long talk and I told him exactly how I felt about things. I told him if he continued to be an unsupportive spouse that I was going to have no choice but to move on. I also reminded him of why we got married and the love that we shared with each other. I told him that if I meant anything at all to him that he would stand up as the man that he is suppose to be and start defending me to his family. Otherwise, I was going to leave. It worked wonders. Just come up with a place to meet outside the home and lay it all on the line. Good luck.

Answer 2

First of all, never pretend you are happy.
Second, you two should not be living with you M-in-law. She sounds like a hateful person (sorry). A young couple should not live with anyone else. It just doesn't work. Whatever it takes, she needs to live with someone else or by herself.
M-in-law also should not be acting like that. She's running things, not you and your husband. Ya'll need to set some rules for mother if she has to stay there. I can't imagine why she has to stay with you. There's always an answer to a problem. You just need to find it.
Two women in one house just doesn't work. Never has.

Answer 3

Parents have a hard time letting go of their children even when they are married. As a mom, I know that when my son gets married, his marriage will be the primary relationship in his life, as it should be. My mom always said that all newly married couples should live on their own for a few years even if they only have 2 nickles in their pockets to establish a husband-wife relationship. If your and your husband cannot do this, keep your private moments private. So, she's not letting go (sees you as an interloper, not good enough for her son etc), he's not letting go (mama's boy) and you are trying to carve a place in that dynamic.
Talk to him, tell him that you will not be in a marriage where you are a second class citizen, be understanding that he loves his mom, and again, don't fight in front of his mother just like you wouldn't fight in front of your children. If you want her to stay out of your business, don't invite her in by putting it on display. You are his wife, you are/will be the mother of his children and partner in life, not her.

Answer 4

my husb and i lived w/his parents twice due to money/health issues. it turned out horribly both times, and especially ruined relationships with his siblings, as everyone chose sides. my mother-in-law got cancer and she died. no one speaks bad of the dead, right? so, i can never say anything bad about her. even though she called me a whore, said my child was not my husband's, when i said my baby resembled my brother a little bit, she said that i f--ked my brother.... so yeah, i told her all the time to stay out of our business and much more. i still wish that i had taken the higher road and never said anything back to my M-I-L, no matter what craziness she said. yes, we did reach a quiet peace before she passed away, but her other children never forgot our arguments and even my husband tears up and talks about her wonderful ways. if there is any way you can bite your tongue, your life and your marriage will be better off. (however, you'll never be happy living in the same house, there has to be some other way. is there a daughter she can stay with?) you are not "nothing" to your husband, you are just in 2nd place right now. try to kill her with kindness, bite your tongue till it hurts, call her to say hello, buy her flowers, ask for her advice, take her shopping, ask her for a special recipe of hers, have her show you how to cook or do something she excels at, etc. you will shine in your husband's eyes, and probably win his admiration and strengthen his devotion to you.

Answer 5

maybe work out a system for your arguements. so, if something needs to be discussed, you can both go somewhere where you are alone and sort it out. you also need to demand respect, your partner and you are one and the same and should be treated that way. When you are insulted, your partner should feel insulted by default. But, you should also do what you can to avoid engaging in arguements with his mother - men dont cope well when forced to take sides between the most important women in thier lives. And you'll have an unspoken moral highground. good luck.

Dont prentend that you're happy if your not. Do your best to make the situation work. And be honest with yourself if it isn't working.

Answer 6

try to be calm and patient, because ur mother inlaw will not be there with u forever, but still try to be nice with everyone, ur husband is not only ur husbamd , he is also a son, and there is always a strong bond between a son and mother . So its natural, try to face the situation by understanding it, not by getting panic.

Answer 7

You need to have a serious dialogue with your husband regarding your place in his life.......if he is sensible he will difinitely try to placate you......you have to live with both of them as he cannot abandon his mother just because you entered his life..even you were aware of the presence of his mother before you got married.....you need to show some maturity (and a little cunning) to keep your husband on your side by praising his mother often so he thinks you aren't against her and it is she who is badmouthing you.......you have to have patience 'coz you love him...

Answer 8

i'm 17 which means you probably don't want my advice but i thinks shes treating you like this because she thinks that you are trying to take her only son away from her and she doesn't want that so she is trying to make you look like a schemer to your husband, if you really want something done about it talk to your husband i mean if you love somebody you want them to make your life easier.

Answer 9

Your mother in law needs to move out! Either in her own apartment, elderly housing, or nursing home. If she stays there you will be divorced in no time. Your marriage is in serious jeopardy!!!

Answer 10

what she is doing is not strange all mothers in low do like that because they feel that the wives of their sons took them from their mothers after long time they keep them