My dad has bladder cancer, how can I be there for him in his time of need????

Question

My dad has been diagnosed with bladder cancer, and is due to have an operation in a couple of days to have most of it removed. He has become very closed off, and doesn't tell me what he's thinking.
1) How do I deal with him, and at the same time cope with the situation myself???
2) Is bladder cancer the real deal, will he die or recover???

Answer 1

As to how you deal with him: exactly the same as always. Love him, let him know that you're there if he wants to talk, but don't act like he's an invalid or anything like that. Right now he is scared and concerned, and probably doesn't want to make his family have to deal with his fears. Tell him that you are there if he needs support, then back off and let him come to you if he needs to.

I am not going to mince words here. Yes, bladder cancer is the real deal. Untreated, it is very deadly. Take it from me. My father had it 25 years ago and decided he would use all this New Age Healing stuff to "cure" it instead of real medicine. It killed him.

It sounds like your Dad is doing the right thing, getting the surgery and so forth. Encourage him to continue with his medical doctor's advice, his chemotherapy and radiation treatments, follow a good and healthy diet, keep up with his follow-up care and take good care of himself in general.

Also, there are EXCELLENT support groups out there for family members of people with cancer. Check with your local hospital, ask your Dad's doctor, ask your own doctor. You need support during this time, too. Cancer is very hard on the family, especially the kids and the wife. You have to take care of YOURSELF if you are going to be able to be a good support for your Dad.

I'll keep your family in my prayers.

Answer 2

One of the best things that you could do is to become as educated as possible about this disease. The more you know the better able you will be to hold a conversation with your father, his doctors, and other people. The more you know, the more options will become available to treat your father. Not all bladder cancer is the same. There are stages of cancer that will determine the type of treatment he will receive. I can point you in a few directions so that you can start to learn more about bladder cancer. Your father may not be able to do this type of research . . because it can be frightening. What you need to be careful about is paying too much attention to statisitics. Ignore them, everyone is an individual and treatment for each person can be different. You should also be aware that there are survivors for all types of disease, at all stages and grades of cancer.

National Cancer Institute: What you need to know about Bladder cancer
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/wyntk/bladder
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/bladder

Medline Plus: Bladder Cancer
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/bladdercancer.html

CancerCare - online social workers who can help and talk you through the cancer maze.
http://www.cancercare.org/

Bladder Cancer Cafe - online support group
http://blcwebcafe.org/

One avenue that help me cope with my sons diagnosis of stage IV abdominal sarcoma was to create a 'caringbridge' journal. It's an online journal where you can keep family and friends informed about what is happening. It is a free service: http://www.caringbridge.org/
Some people prefer 'carepages' sites instead: http://www.carepages.com/

Good luck to you and I hope you find this informative. I found that the more I knew about the disease (even though some of the info is just horrendous) was better than not knowing. At least when I worry I know that it is real and not imaginary concerns.

Answer 3

I'm sure your dad has many concerns on his mind...his cancer...you children...just let him know that you love him and be strong for him. If he sees that you have faith, he will have strength and hope and faith too.

The fact they are doing surgery is a good thing. They may remove all the cancer and he could be just fine.

Cancer isn't necessarily a death sentence these days. Medication has come a long way.

And frankly, I didn't want to read anything about cancer online. There is just too much that may or may not apply to your case. I stuck with what my doctor told me, read the materials they gave me, and frankly they were amazing. The support I got from the hospital was everything we needed and I did not want or need to know about all the horrible things that may or may not happen. Fortunately for us, he is cancer free right now. It's a tough thing to weather, but we just focused on one day at a time and made it through. That's all you can really do.

I think it's very important to keep life as normal as possible and to hope and pray for the best.

Answer 4

It is a very painful situation for you and your father. His reaction is also natural. At this time you have to emotionally support him and be with him. But do not over do or show excessive care. Be there for him, by his side always and make him comfortable silently. He needs time to come out of the depression. Remember different people react in different ways when diagnosed with Cancer. Your doctor would be able to tell you about the seriousness of the illness. Many a time sincere prayers have done miracles. So pray for the best.

Answer 5

I would just spend as much time with him and let him know how much you love him. We all have our ways of coping with things differently and closing himself up is probably one of his ways of dealing with it. Is there some one else like your mom or a friend who has gone through something hard that you can talk to or confide in. If so I would talk to them if your dad isn't willing to open up. Truthfully noone can tell you how to cope with yourself that is up to you because like I said we all have our different ways of coping with things. I think that bladder cancer as long as they get rid of it all in surgery he should recover, and not to be mean but it could come back. Always pray for the best but be prepared for the worse. I wish you and your family the best of luck and God Bless.

Answer 6

my heart and prayers go out to u and your family during this time , i know it is very hard on you and the rest of your family because I'm sure its not something u are real familiar with....talk to a counselor at the hospital or dads doctor or your mom and tell them how u feel don't hold it inside..let him know u love him and be as strong for him as u can be...I'm sure he knows your as scared as he is ...cancer of any kind is scary....as far as the 2nd part of your question no one can answer that all we can do is hope and pray for the best outcome possible...with today's medicine no one knows but i believe a positive attitude and a will to live goes a long way....the main thing is that each member of the family has to pull together and be there for each other and talk about there feelings....may God bless you and your family

Answer 7

talk to him about getting natural treatments...cesium chloride with rubidium and DMSO, ip6 pills, oxygen drops, and aloe vera. With the aloe vera, you get a fresh aloe vera from a nursery or local flower shop. Cut off the pricks. Then cut a chunk of it and throw it into the blender with ice cream. Its going to be extremely bitter so try your best to take it down. Do this for a week or so. Um, change his diet to foods without iron. This means no beef, red beets, broccoli, and other foods without iron. Eat brown rice. The brown rice takes the iron out of his body. Good luck....

Answer 8

Unfornately "most of the cancer" isn't all of it, & spreads! tell him anything you want to, ask him anything you want to, & tell him you love him, & that he tells you too. my dad never said i love you to me, & never will now they have diaries or questions from generations before that only he may know, i wish i had a website to forward to you. bladder cancer will be very painful