i m very depressed, and finding life difficult, my partner doesnt understand are care to no about depression,

Question

i have 2 children 1 is having a baby and due in 12 wks, still living with me, she also now is depressed, so i feel guilty that it is my fault, im findig it so hard to cope with my kids, yet i also have my partners kids at the weekend to look after, they stay fri til mon morning, every wkend, my partner works permanant nights so i have the kids al night and obviously through theday while he sleeps, i went to the doctors 2 wks ago someone has been visiting me from mental health,they want me to go into hospital for a wk, so they can help me further, i cant go i have to look after the kids,my partner has to work he cant have time off work,he is alway going about paying the bills etc, if i didnt look after his kids he would have to then he cant work so the bills dont get paid and he will have to sell the house, its his house not mine,so i will be homeless, so i have to look after his kids, there mum will not have them at wkends under any circumstances i feel im not strong enough anymore

also my partner pulls me down for every thing i do, he is a bully, and tells me to sort myself out and im mental, and selfish, but im trying so hard not to feel this way

Answer 1

any sort of depression can be tide over by faith in GOD and sincere prayer.

Your prayer is from your heart. Further You must have to understood the fact that God is present in our heart. This can be realised in meditation. Further we are the creation of our own destiny. As per Hindu sacred religion, we carry all good and bad deeds life after life. There is no end unless we pray for unification of self with the divineliness.
Hence there is always a possible way to complete mergence with God in this life by a simple and wonderful meditation

Answer 2

Spike and Annie's and Shh2007's advice is right on.

What would happen if you got pneumonia? Or were in a traffic accident? You'd end up in the hospital for that, too, and you wouldn't be rationalizing about why you couldn't go. If your mental health worker thinks your depression is so bad that you belong in the hospital, then you have a medical emergency and need to be there. It's hard with depression, because it doesn't SEEM like there is anything wrong-no cough, no blood, but your brain is failing you and making you sick, you just can't see that.

It also sounds like you are "catastrophising" which means you are thinking of the worst possible outcome of everything. If your partner can't work for a week, he isn't going to lose the house. He can negotiate with the bank. The people at the hospital should be able to help you find housing, there must be some sort of social agencies available to you, and if nothing else, there are probably private charities you can ask for help until you can get things in order. In the long run, I think this partner is not a good choice for you. He;s sure dumping it all on you and making you responsible for anything that goes wrong. Now, maybe he is nicer than he seems, and you are seeing all the rotten stuff now because you are depressed and depression makes even sympathetic people look like uncaring, cruel people sometimes. So you will have to take a look at your relationship with honesty when you are feeling better.

Good luck, let others help you.

Answer 3

I just want to hug u! I TOO AM IN THE SAME POSITION so I can relate more than u'll ever know!

In my case the weaker I became the stronger & more controlling he became. I had a breakdown in July, and although i am recovering, the process is slow & frustrating...further hindered by what in all honesty, is psychological abuse from my husband. I have 4 children & 4, 6 , 8 & 14 so I too find it hard.

At the end of the day, health is the no1 priority and if u get/are as desperate as I do then seriously, something has to give and it cannot be u!

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEEL GUILTY FOR! We all come to this earth to learn, so we have our 'own' lives. What path we take is up to us.

1) Take the time out u need..and do it now...today!
2) Stop having ur partners kids for a while (dont even think about who u will offend..its really tough poo)
3) Place yourself at the top of the list of priorities
4) Let off steam to someone

Please DONT FEEL ALONE. Seriously, ure not. (email or msn me if u like)

Remember, common courtesy & repect is free in this world so there is no excuse for lack of understanding. Its ignorance. You are worthy of so much more. x

Answer 4

Hi there pet,

firstly you are not "mental"..you have depression, which is a cruel condition, that only those who have suffered from it can truely understand. It's not just you being down because you have a lot to deal with,its a mental, dibilitating state of mind that you can't stop. Your husband is being abusive...it's a form of domestic violence huni and he is blackmailing you into believing you couldn't cope without him and by doing all this you won't feel able to get over this feeling.
Your daughter who is pregnant's state of mind is not your fault, where is the babies father? If your daughter is old enough to get pregnant, when obviously not even old enough to support herself, she is able to go to the clinic and get herself help for her depressive state...its normal for pregnant mothers to feel down..but this is not your responsibilty..i know you feel like it is because she's yor daughter but your taking the world on your shoulders, your only one person.
I think you need to also talk to the woman who is visiting you from mental health and tell her about your husband..she can get you further help regarding your situation...social services could maybe find you a house away from your partner..who isn't being supportive. I think you may need that week in hospital and perhaps being admitted against your wishes or at least telling your partner you are, will give you a week off..to clear your mind and get the help you deserve. Where is your partners, kids own mother? Your not responsible for everyone in that family. I'm sure your partner works hard to pay the bills, but child minding is very very hard work too, infact probably harder than what he does! Don't let him bully you into thinking youcan't fendfor yourself or that you don't deserve help because it's not true. You have to let people take care of you and help you to help yourself! x

Answer 5

I get that you're in the spot that you're in, but I don't feel he's good for you. Why is your daughter who's about to have a kid, still living with you? Why can't the 2 of you get your own place. You need to leave him, not be his personal slave. Life sucks and it's hard from time to time but if you're not going to take care of you, you're only damaging his kids and yours. Your daughter's decision to be depressed is not your fault - it's her choice to stay depressed and/or not get help. And it's stupid to be depressed when pregnant - she is hurting the baby.

It doesn't sound like you even get time to have a relationship with your partner, so while you guys are 'convenient' for each other, maybe it's time to get out of your comfort zone and start living.

That week in the hospital could be perfect for you and allows the doctor to find just the right dose of medication, though I disagree with the whole concept, because they only see how you react to what in a controlled setting - they don't know how the meds will/won't affect you in the real world. You do need to start taking time for yourself though (even if it's 5-15 minutes a day). Stop letting the little things get to you - enjoy what you can in life.

Imagine that tomorrow you lose everything - your house, your kids, all of it -- is it not better to stop OVERSTRESSING on the stuff you have now than to lose it all?

okay, i'm drunk =- i'll stop...............

Answer 6

Its time to get selfish, if you don't you could end up like others have said in hospital for weeks, plus if anything else goes wrong how will you cope . I am speaking from experience I had a breakdown [phycotic the lot] early in 2000 . lots of things happened at the same time , I had a very supportive partner [still have him] though so it must be awful for you.
You have to make him understand and bloody refuse to have his kids his ex will just have to cope the same as you have had to,she should understand if she lived with your partner she will know what he is like. I am ok now and off all meds but it has only been one year, it took all that time but I didn't realise I was getting close to the edge till it was too late, GOOD LUCK and best wishes for your fight ahead.

Answer 7

If they want you to go to the hospital for a week, you should do it before you have a breakdown or something. Believe me, the kids and everyone will survive the week. While you are in the hospital, you should talk to a social worker about your living situation and see if they can help you get a place of your own, because I really don't think you should stay in your current living arrangement with this partner who mistreats you and dumps his kids on you. You need to put yourself FIRST right now, and you and your kids should be on your own if at all possible.

Answer 8

firstly you are not mental.you are under considerable pressure,and it sounds like you are not getting any help from any quarter with it.ok this is what i try to do when i feel exactly as you are.instead of looking at everything as a whole you look at things one by one,they dont seem so scary that way.so firstly your own children...you say one is haveing a baby in three months,,unfortunatly as harsh as it may seem,her pregnancy was not your doing,she had the choice,if she is old enough to do the deed she is old enough to help herself in this situation,i am sure she has friends and people she can visit and get out and about,the second child you didnt mention an age,but i assume that he/she is of school age?if not then surely they can take part of the responsibility of helping you a little,and old enough to spend time on there own to give you a break,if not then ask a relative to have them for a few days, to stay.now second problem your husbands children.so if he works at night and sleeps during the day when is he actually getting to see his kids? sounds a bit of having his cake and eating it,,taking all the good bits and not bothering with the other bits.if he is unprepared to stay at home at the weekends to take care of his own children then there is no choice but for the mother to have them,they are as nice as they most probably are not your children,you have to come first to be able to look after your own children,if the mother can not have them then she needs to either discuss things with your husband and make it every other weekend or find a relative to have them,but that is her problem not yours.third problem,you are never in a situation where someone has a hold on you,lets put things in perspective,if you walked out...where would you go as its his house,i was in this situation myself with a newborn baby and a toddler,i walked to the council offices and they offered me either bed and breakfast or a hostal,stayed there for couple of weeks then they gave me a house,you do have a choice,or you can stay with relatives or friends.if you left,your husband would have to juggle work,bills,house and taking care of himself and his children with no help from you,it sounds to me he needs you alot more than you need him.you are obviously a very quiet person and i realize that facing and dealing with all this will take some inner strength..but you can do it,if i can you can,,if you cant go into hospital for a week,tell your husband your going away for a weekend,because what i realized,if i didnt do somthing and i got really ill your husband would have to do what he is refusing to do now which is help..and if you keep this up he might have to do alot more for a lot longer than if he helped out now...
i hope i have helped.take care and good luck.

Answer 9

Has your partner not got any holiday time he could take? Just think if it continues you may be heading for a nervous
breakdown then you would be in hospital for more than a week

You will not be homeless the local Council will find a home for
you and your children. Go to hospital for the week it will do you the world of good.
The very best of luck to you

Answer 10

Your letting it all get on top of you. Do what the doctor says and take the week off. It will benefit everyone if you are back to your best and are able to cope with everything going on. Surely 1 week off work wont be that bad for your bills. Which is more important your health or your wealth. Have a break love. Good Luck x

Answer 11

Practice for 20 mins. daily the meditation technique in: http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/ and whenever needed; try to get your daughter to join you in this. Try to get visitation changed to only one day a week, and if your daughter was better, she could look after them occasionally, while you have a break; it would be good experience for her. Why can't you pay the bills online? It would be quicker, and he could watch the kids, while you went out once in a while. Go into hospital, but only for a day or two (then check yourself out - they can't stop you), so they can see just how much you do, and really learn to value you and your contribution to the family.