With the tears of fear, rolling down your tear striken face, you think of the tears you have shead over the years and the fears you've shaken off, turns to pain the rain in your brain turns toshame, while the world is in pain you lay there in vain. Your all alone, In your home even though your surrounded by the ones you know, how you feel on your own or in your home!
2007-03-02 19:36:38 · 21 answers · asked by Katja ie tattybow 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Please read my other poems!
2007-03-02 20:05:05 · update #1
Im 13 years old
2007-03-09 17:31:32 · update #2
I had a very very bad day at school, when i wrote this! And I was in tears! Bit like I am now! Because my boyfriend dumped me!
2007-03-10 17:09:43 · update #3
Really like that and could relate to it
2007-03-02 19:42:29 · answer #1 · answered by barneysmommy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry, this is not poetry but plain musings or descriptions of somebody's sadness. The profusion of rhymes even make it sound like lyrics from a badly done rap song. Poetry is not literal. It does not tell. It merely suggests. Here's a challenge. Try to express the loneliness without using these words: tears, fears, rain, and alone. And the more detached the metaphors you use to the usual images that we associate with loneliness, the nearer to poetry you're going to get.
2007-03-03 14:27:45 · answer #2 · answered by raymundr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's awful. Poetry no longer has to rhyme, it's more about meaning. This is not poetry, it's doggerel.
You could express these feelings much better if you forgot about rhyming, thought more about how you really feel, use more normal language (how often do you use "stricken" in daily life? - and it's got a c in it by the way)
Millions of people write poetry, but only thousands of us are published. I'm one of the thousands. You could be good, but stop trying to sound like a rapper. Unless you are a rapper. In which case, stick to that, cos this aint poetry.
2007-03-03 03:55:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, don't like the explusionistic grammar or the achryfunctive rhyming. It gantrifies images of a plaudite teen with a turdite and floosary vocabulary.
2007-03-10 00:40:37 · answer #4 · answered by VIP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a poet and it doesn't matter what other people think. If your poetry helps you in life then you are on the right track.
Here's a short one of mine, hope that you like it :
Her eyes were as wise as centuries
Her hair, a wheatfield in France
Her lips the Red Sea
Parting before me.
One love, one life, one chance.
2007-03-07 17:11:40 · answer #5 · answered by gentlejohn 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry, no. Though I can relate, word choice is poor, resulting in repetition, cacophony and poor rhymes. In spite of attempting to rhyme metre seems confusing and there are mispellings.
2007-03-03 03:55:00 · answer #6 · answered by tense 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like your poem but why so dark. What is going on in your world to make you write something that dark and hopeless. Just wondering if everything is alright.
2007-03-10 20:36:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I don't.
Why? Because it sounds like you were more interested in thinking up rhymes than in saying what you meant.
2007-03-09 21:32:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's alright. At the end of the day we all sleep alone.
2007-03-03 03:44:54 · answer #9 · answered by Kira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uummm, thats good. Sounds like lonelyness feeling. :)
2007-03-03 03:56:38 · answer #10 · answered by know nothing ~_~ " 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋