i have this female friend of mine and i have deep feelings for her. However, she is married and has a 20month old boy. Recently i spent time with her and i noticed something was wrong so i implored her to tell me.She finally did and she let me know more than i ever wanted, which in return made my feelings stronger for her. The morality issue comes in because she is married. However, her husband cheated on her two weeks after being married and again three additional times. One was even her best friend. I told her she should try to talk it out with him and work things out for the babies sake. However, i stumbled on one of the letters he had written her and it was appalling. It was profanity laden and very cold. He even called her the C word. I know she has been faithful to him except for the night she fell asleep in my lap and that could hardly be called unfaithful compared to him.
So what does the YA community think i should do.
By the way i regret telling her to stay.
2007-03-02 18:42:30 · 10 answers · asked by roncho 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i sincerely appreciate the answers.
2007-03-02 18:52:08 · update #1
If she has feelings for you, maybe you should go for it. Sounds like the guy she's with right now will only go on hurting her. If you could make her happy, and if being with her will make you happy, then you need to be with her. You're probably worried about breaking up the marriage because of the baby. But I think in the long run, it would be better for the kid to have a caring stepfather and a happy mother than an asshole father and a miserable mother. I think you should talk to her and tell her how you feel, and really let her know that she doesn't have to put up with being treated that badly. Hope things turn out good for both of you.
2007-03-02 18:50:24 · answer #1 · answered by mar5645 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For the most part [except having her fall asleep in your lap] you've been an upstanding friend. I'd encourage her to seek legal help to begin divorce proceedings before it's gets out of hand. With a surprise 'attack' she'll have the legal upper hand. As far as you being with her in the future give her a substantial [I'm thinking minimum 6-months] before you even hint at being anything more than a friend. For a while she'll be messed up and emotionally drained and won't even want to deal with that romantic aspect [whether or not you are a prospect]. Good luck.
2007-03-03 02:48:16 · answer #2 · answered by tothebeans 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry that your friend is getting treated so badly by her husband. and I'm sorry that you're hurting too.
but you know that you can't act on any of your feelings for her while she's married. for now, about all that you can do is be there for her as a true friend. she will have to make up her mind about what she wants to do in regards to her abusive relationship with her husband. and she also needs to take into consideration that her little boy is caught in the middle, and he's hearing every nasty word that her husband is saying. little children are like sponges, they soak up everything they hear. and it won't be long until her little boy starts to call her the same nasty things her husband calls her. she has to decide whether or not to stay and let herself and her child be subjected to that kind of abuse.
like I've already said, all you can do right now is be her friend and let her know that she deserves better than that, and so does her little boy.
Best Wishes
2007-03-03 03:05:35 · answer #3 · answered by atiana 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is her marriage and therefore it is completely up to her what she wants to do. If her husband is an idiot she might contemplate leaving him, and maybe you should let her know that you are there for her, if she needs you, and for whatever she needs you, and show her that you would not mind taking care of her child (if that is the case). It is a big decision on her side and big responsibility on yours, as you are not only talking about a woman but also her child, who deserves to have a father figure in his life. If you are prepared to take the whole package as it comes, let her know. But it is up to her to make the move and leave that guy. If I were you I would certainly not get involved in their marriage and start dating her unless it is over between them. And that is not because of the moral issues but rather to protect your own feelings, to avoid that she one day gets tired of you, he turns sweet and she is back with him.
The best thing you can do right now is to be a friend, and if she wants more try and explain that you would love to, but not under these circumstances.
2007-03-03 02:51:14 · answer #4 · answered by Tomas R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should continue to remain her friend if that's possible despite your strong feelings. Be there for her if she needs someone to talk to, but encourage her to do whatever she can to fix things with her husband (that is if her husband even wants to be with her) if she still loves him and wants the relationship to work out. Morally I would never pursue a relationship with a married person. So my advice is not to step over the friend line unless she is completely not with her husband anymore. I wouldn't tell her about your feelings for her either, except to maybe tell her that you care about her well-being and want what's best for her. It sounds like her husband is not a good man, but that also doesn't justify you interfering in their marriage relationship because of your feelings. Good luck with it all!!
2007-03-03 02:50:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
u can do that for love,the only clue from me is for u to allow the husband divorce her before u propose for relationship with her.dont do anything nasty with her for that she is still married to her husband. if she tried to work out things with him and is still negative then she herself can go for divorce and she should tell the court to impose fine on the husband i mean responsibility of taking good care of the baby till the baby is fully grown yet the baby will still be in ur own care.thanks
2007-03-03 02:52:40 · answer #6 · answered by olawale michael 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should bow out and let her work out her problems with an attorney. her head in your lap is wrong! tell her to find adult talk with her mother, family, gal friends. she's got a young baby and a young marriage....unless youre willing to take her, the baby and the ex spouse...along for the ride. think about it. it takes a strong person ...are you ready to raise the child for the next 17yrs or more? dont take advantage of her current state of mind. encourage her to seek family, attorney and professional council.
glad you asked. peace.
2007-03-03 03:00:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is married then there isn't anything you can do that is morally acceptable except to tell her she deserves better and shouldn't be married to someone that doesnt appreciate her
2007-03-03 02:46:29 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it will depend on the woman.she can divorce her husband considering the callous way her husband treats her. if it was me, i'll divorce the guy to maintain whatever dignity i have left in myself.
2007-03-03 02:47:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
marry her
2007-03-03 02:49:27 · answer #10 · answered by keral 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋