she somehow found out my email password and i feel violated. i didnt mean to hurt her. i have never cheated on her and she always is talking about boundaries. isnt this crossing my boundaries? what can i do.
2007-03-02 17:16:44 · 25 answers · asked by rkurdek 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Whatever the case, you are busted. She must not have trusted you to begin with.
good for her.
2007-03-02 17:19:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is not a courtroom but I want to borrow some principles from the Law. You have to come to Equity with clean hands.
She should have never gone into your email. It shows she lacks trust and confidence in the relationship. It also shows she does not respect personal boundaries. Big red flag.
However, the fact that you have a profile on a dating website tells me that she had reason to be worried. You cheated on her emotionally. You set this profile up. It takes a while to do. So you had time to come to your senses. Another big red flag.
You need to step away from each other and assess your relationship. And since you are doing the asking here, you need to start being honest with yourself. Why did you set up a profile on a dating website when you have a girlfriend you love, respect and do not want to hurt?
If you determine that this is the woman you want to be with, by all means eat your humble pie and try to make amends. The effect of your little indiscretion is the exact same as you having another girl on the side. Don't rationalize and don't bring up her faux pas until you have been forgiven.
If things work out again between you, set boundaries, respect each other's privacy and for God's sake don't write down your passwords. Keep them in the deep recesses of your brain.
2007-03-03 01:36:39 · answer #2 · answered by Tip Top 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, she did cross your boundaries. It isn't OK to read someone else's email.
At the same time, you crossed hers as well by having a profile on a dating website. If you have a girlfriend why would you have a profile on a dating site? That insinuates that you are looking for someone else while being with her.
You say that you didn¨t want to hurt her but how would you feel if you came across her profile on a dating site?
One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is not to be clear about the fact that you are committed to someone.
2007-03-03 01:22:40 · answer #3 · answered by Safiya 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes there might be boundaries, but what ever happen to telling your partner the truth. I'm serious, isn't it in a marriage that the couples want to be true to each other, and tell them EVERTHING, so then they don't get any surprises. But this isn't a marriage, so ummm yeah she shouldn't really have gotten into your email, and you shouldn't have had a dating profile online. This shows you two have a hunch about one of the other cheating, and you two went looking for trouble. Now don't go getting mad at her, you shouldn't have had that profile, so this is both your faults and you two need to fix it. So talk with her and you two need to give bothsides of each others stories, and be honest.
BD
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2007-03-03 01:29:14 · answer #4 · answered by Black Dragon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well to be completely honest, she was snooping because she suspected something and her unhappiness with what she found is well deserved. There is never a good enough reason to violate someone’s privacy. She did cross a boundary of yours, but was is of more concern is that there was one there in the first place.
And as for you, you deserve nothing better. You are deceiving your partner by making yourself available in whatever form to other women. You deserved to be snooped on, and your bitterness is at being caught! And not that she was smart enought to break into your email. If you get a second chance, prove yourself worthy of it and be more open.
2007-03-03 01:24:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude you are totally busted,if she was nosey enough to hack your password and dug out some dirt on you. she don't trust you if there is no trust in a relationship a relationship won't last. I know sometimes you can forget things like that I did that with a resume I 'm working and not looking for a job and I got a call for one to my surprise. On the otherside of the coin when mine split on me because I couldn't give her a ride home because I was in the hospital E.R. I hacked her account boy did I get a surprise 6 months later she was married! I would either talk it out with her tell her your feelings or split up for a few days a cooling down period then talk it out. In the mean time get stronger passwords!
2007-03-03 01:27:45 · answer #6 · answered by mikef1234 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you're not meeting these people it's fine, I don't think it's any worse than going out and checking out girls - besides you should have told her the profile was for a friend you were trying to find a girlfriend for. I think this is definitely infringing on your boundaries, change your password....
2007-03-03 01:23:39 · answer #7 · answered by Goat Princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure she didn't respect your privacy and that was wrong. There was obviously some reason for her to be suspicious of you. Why would you have a profile if you are in a relationship? Consider yourself VERY lucky if she doesn't dump you.
What can you do?
Apologize to her.
Then talk to her about the "boundaries " you are referring to. If she is not willing to respect them, then you two should not be together.
2007-03-03 01:24:19 · answer #8 · answered by michellecdnd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends what her motivations were for wanting to check up on you I'd say. Firstly why do you have a dating profile if you are in a relationship? I bet you have been caught by her quickly closing down your email when she has walked in the room, heightening her curiousity as to what is going on. You may not have been unfaithful, YET, but putting yourself in the position where something could happen is never a good thing.
2007-03-03 01:23:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, that is crossing over boundaries, bad girl! WOW! I didn't do that to my husband, but he forgot to log out, and guess what he had the same thing in his yahoo mail box. Why do you guys like to mess around so much, it could be on your part just to do it for fun, but it creates problems, that kind of stuff. I got over it! Just tell her it's an old account before her, oh well! Just don't worry about it, and tell her to mind her own business. I'm sure she has some secrets! IF YOU DO SHE DOES! BELIEVE ME! TRUST ME ON THIS ONE! YOU CANT TRUST WOMEN, because we are better at our game.....
2007-03-03 01:24:46 · answer #10 · answered by HOPE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's terrible, but dating IS like shopping. So, if you wanna shop, shop. One of those things I hate about Western culture, but I still have to work with it.
Um...what the hell? That girl shouldn't be in yo business. Sounds like a crazy woman who doesn't trust you. Who wants a woman who can't trust you?
2007-03-03 01:25:45 · answer #11 · answered by alhamdliyesua 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋