2007-03-02 17:07:20 · 13 answers · asked by genes 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Oh wait... I have to answer this one b/c I have a MIL just like this.
They are terribly jeleous b/c you now have their son's full attention and they feel as though they no longer have any control in the lives of their son(s)...
Reality however is that they DO become number TWO in their son's life and that's simply how it's meant to be. If they wish to continue to have a wonderful relationship with their son, they had better learn to enjoy the number 2 relationship and understand that they will always remain their number 1 older woman (mother)... ;o)
Unfortunately, my MIL lost her relationship w/her son. It pains me but it was his own choice. Most will choose their wife over their mother.... It's what is meant to be....
And if you're religious you will remember.... "A man shall leave his mother and cling to his wife and the two shall become one"..
Hello!! Where has she been for the last thousand years??
If nothing else, she needs to respect her son and his choice in a wife. If she truly isn't good he'll figure it out and handle his own marriage. MIL's need to simply be supportive and nuetral.
2007-03-02 17:20:31 · answer #1 · answered by ~Me~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's just a mentallity clash. Nothing else. The common factor between a woman and her mother in law is the guy. Each one of them wanna make sure that he doesn't ignore her for the other. However, if they could develop a relationship not based on the factor but based on the harmony developped between them there would be no grudges at all.
Anyways, my case is a bit different. Since the moment I got married, it seems as if I am the son-in-law and she is her daughter...
:-)
2007-03-03 13:27:57 · answer #2 · answered by plato's ghost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
smart women don't have any grudge against any daughter-in laws. the others get in to inferiority complex, and scared that she has to share her son with an outsider. most of these kind of women start right away after wedding, so that the daughter-in laws get used to it. although it does not work at the end.
2007-03-03 11:09:57 · answer #3 · answered by Iqbal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with kast _n_ma... I think the MIL's feel a sence of loss when the sons turns his love and attention to another woman. But if a mom is a good mom she will embrace her sons love with open arms if nothing more than to make her son happy. Boys grow up and become men .I just hope I'm not like that when I become a MIL!
2007-03-03 01:33:10 · answer #4 · answered by Poptart 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have no clue, but i would seriously like to know. There is a huge war going on between me and my future mother-in-law and my fiance with my mom. I may be because the parent realizes that the child is grown and doesn't need their mom to survive, hold their hand, and kiss their boo-boo's. It's a jealousy thing, and a contest to see who is loved the most, the partner or the parent.
2007-03-03 01:13:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That you took her son away from her. ((She will always think of it that way)) mine does. He was her first born son and her favorite because he did a lot of errands and chores that she should have been taking care of herself like watching his younger siblings while she went bowling.... washing her car..... cleaning her bedroom because she was tired.... When he (or any man) gets married they now have a more important role of taking care of his own whether its his wife or children... ..... The mother in law will always have that grudge aginst you because she no longer has that guareenteed access to her son anymore . that will be the MAIN issuue for her.. But regretably and sadly, she will use excuses trying to nit-pic at the daughter- in law finding flaws in hopes to prove that you are good enough for her son. She will just have to get over it. My mother in law cant stand me because I took her baby away (even though he still sees her and visits) but he no longer has time to be her slave and she is stuck doing stuff herslef now. I really hope this was easy to understand. Hopefully things in time will get better as she realizes that her sons love will not change for his mother even though he is now married. He is just taking care of his own. :o) this comes from my own personal experience and many friends that have the same issue. Please dont let her get to you... you married him not her so whatever she has to say doesnt matter. Good luck
2007-03-03 01:26:31 · answer #6 · answered by misspookett 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not always so. It can be the other way round also. what is neccesary is understanding between the two. the son is sandwiched between the two important women in his life. But nowadays the daughter in law likes to do everything her way so clashes happen.Even if a mother in law tries her best to adjust sometimes the sons wife does not care. she has him dancing to her tune. so everyone is not same a daughter in law also can be dominating
2007-03-04 06:42:34 · answer #7 · answered by ritajee 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
my experience says..she don't have grudges but yes in ur hubby's life for 2- 25yrs she was the only woman, who was taking care of him, fedding him, was close to him, he was sharing all the things with him but suddenly when daughter in law enters her house, his son suddenly changed, he avoid to tell her mom all the things, when he come bak home, he just sit there n ask his wife not mother to give her food..just ate n say ok mom feeling sleepy..n left her..to spend time wit her wife, before marriage he use to talk to her at that time. He feel shy for many things in front of her after marriage, but before marriage he never felt that way, when is not well he will ask her wife to take care of him rather than of her mother who was looking after him for 20 -25 yrs..
Tell me now one person is facing so much change, wat do u want she will not take time to leave her baby. Sometime mother in lawas took so much time to leave them on their own but they don't have grudges for u but they r just jealous as they love ur hubby too..when they will understand u that u don't want to take ur husband seperate from her, she will be ok.
But remember me..they take time to adjust!
2007-03-03 01:24:23 · answer #8 · answered by sanna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depens on wht is bothering the mother-in-law.the grudge is always tht mother-in-laws havegone thru their hardships nad they dont accept tht its okay if their daughter-in-laws want to be wht they were when they were daughter-in-laws.
2007-03-03 01:14:20 · answer #9 · answered by yasmeen m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its hereditary, because they suffered the same earlier.
also because a daughter in law will never behve like a daughter to her. she have some bias set.
2007-03-03 01:21:28 · answer #10 · answered by man_vir_in 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋