I have been dating my girlfriend for one and a half years. I have been 21 for 9 months and I have only been to the bar five times without her. I really want to hang out with my friends. She is only 19 so she cant go to most bars. Whenever I ask if I can go to the bar she gets really mad and threatens to break up with me. She says that she cant trust me and that I wont be able to go to the bar for a long time. I did lie to her over a year ago about e-mailing an ex-girlfriend. The message didn't say anything bad but I did lie about it. I lied because I was scared. She has never forgiven me for anything in our entire relationship. Should I just let her control me or should she stop?
2007-03-02 16:38:45 · 21 answers · asked by Relationship Help 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Why do you want to be with someone thta controls you?? Hell man, grow a set of balls and tell her you are gonig to a bar. If she leaves you over that she reall never loved you...Stop being her ***** !!!! I mean Stand up for yourself.
Do you love her ?? if so come to a compromise. Maybe tell her you'll be home by midnight. Who knows you might meet someone better who you don't have to bow too everytime...maybe find a 21 year old soo you can go to bars together..
If your GF can't forget you dump her... she will always hold that over you.
2007-03-02 16:49:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
How would you feel if you were her? Mabe she doesn't want you to go because it makes her sad knowing that you will be out without her having fun with other people while she is just sitting at home alone thinking about what you are doing. Every relationship should have trust though. If there is no trust then the relationship will never be a truly loving one, someone will always have bad thoughts in the back of their mind. I guess what you need to do first is gain her trust back. Make her feel like she is the only girl in your world. Dont look at other girls when she is around you or talk about them. If you don't give her a reason not to trust you then she will feel confident that she is the only girl in your head and heart and trust you. For now if you truly love her and want your relationship to work I would respect her feelings and not go out to any bars. Why dont you invite the guys to come and drink at your place? Keep communication open and don't hide anything from her cause believe me girls ALWAYS find out one way or another at some point in time. This will also give her more reason to trust you because she will know that you tell her everything. If you still feel the undying NEED to go OUT with the guys then the only thing you can do is compromise. Try to get her to out with some of her friends while you go out with yours, promise to each other that it will not be an all nighter (because only bad things come of those nights) tell her it will just make you want her more cause you know you will be thinking of her while you are away but that you just need to get out. She can call you on your cell if she still don't trust you. I dont know how she is so I cant tell you how she will react to any of this but since I am a girl and I have been in her shoes I think I know what she wants. I hope this is not confusing and I hope it helps.
2007-03-02 17:13:07 · answer #2 · answered by dabster 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I met my husband 11 years ago, I was 17 and he was 19. When he turned 21 I was fine with him going out 2 saturday nights and 1 friday night. We sat down and came to that agreement. It really worked for us, But he was respectfull about the time he would come home. Bars close at 3am, he was always home no later than 3:30 . As the years went by we both came to trust and love with no conditions. Now that we are old .......er, and we have a child, if we get a sitter than we both go out together if not than we alteer weeks. It works out well. Just a little statement... leave the ex's alone, it will get you into trouble.
2007-03-02 16:50:41 · answer #3 · answered by Christina C 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can see where she is coming from and you definetly need to establish some trust in your relationship. But the truth is if you keep letting her push you around then shes gonna think that she can walk all over you. You really should be able to do anything you want with in reason. If you keep doing whatever she tells you to do eventually she will not respect your wishes anymore, or you anymore. You can probally establish some trust by saying I'm going out with the guys tonight, I'll be home at this time and then do it and come home when you said you'd be home. "See I went out to the bar and now I'm comming home to you."
2007-03-02 16:53:29 · answer #4 · answered by juniper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds rather insecure. I'm sure she hangs with her friends. Right? You should be able to do so also. If she is unable to trust you, then tell her not to let the door hit her in the *** on the way out.
2007-03-02 16:52:27 · answer #5 · answered by ally_oop_64 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds so much like me..lol, I hate it when my bf goes out alone and Ive been dating him for 1 and a half year too. But I'm just jealous because of all the things that have happened to me in the past...like from my ex's i got cheated on and stuff like that so Im way more insecure....but like it just feels good when he says ok I wont go out because I love you...I know its unfair and i do think he should go out with his friends...but its a hard thing to like accept if ur someone who is insecure!
2007-03-02 16:44:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think that you should talk to her about her being able to trust you. If you want it to work you two should trust each other. I don't like dealing with my boyfriend when he is drunk either, but he respects that and doesn't do it around me. Give it a talk, I don't think it's right that she won't let you hang out with your friends. Maybe she is just a little jealous because she is 19. Good Luck!
2007-03-02 16:43:05 · answer #7 · answered by PPan 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hell no, go to the bar, and tell her you are going whether she likes it or not, never allow someone else to control your life. She might get mad, and threaten a breakup, but call her bluff, and if she does play it cool, and if she isn't back to you by a week, then let her control your life :P
2007-03-02 16:43:48 · answer #8 · answered by A_2__the__E__Adrenaline 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sounds like you two need to have a big talk
and instead of asking us and telling us all of this
you need to tell her
you should be able to do anything you want
well within reason
but the real problem
is that obviously thier isnt enough trust in your relationship
for some reason she doesnt trust you
so thats what you two need to work out
2007-03-02 16:44:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, she might think you will meet up with another girl and cheat on her while she's not there. Sometimes she doesn't have to control you over everything, but the bar thing I understand.
2007-03-02 16:43:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋